I spent the remainder of my weekend running through mock conversations in my head trying to figure out what to say to Liam. While there was so much I wanted to talk about with him it all seemed trivial somehow. All I wanted to do was talk, just spend time discussing his favorite movies or listening to him ramble about which superheroes were the best.
Questions about Kyle seemed less important when I thought about getting to know Liam better. Sam’s reassurance that whatever feelings he might have for me were genuine was also influencing my focus heavily. There would be time for the dead later, right now though I needed to focus on the living.
Tuesday afternoon found me waiting in front of the school, scanning the steady stream of students as they passed by me in hopes of catching a glimpse of Liam. This of course had become a regular part of my day as I went between classes always searching for his blonde hair in the crowd.
I was so focused on looking for Liam however that I didn’t notice Brian walking towards me until his frame almost fully blocked my field of view. Startled by the sudden close proximity I took a few steps back glaring at the taller boy who in return just smiled back at me.
“Are you waiting for Liam?” he asked his tone almost as smug as his smile which made me think that he knew the answer even before asking the question.
Instead of answering him I turned back towards the stream of students leaving the building hoping that would be enough for him and that Brian would get bored of me and leave. I never had anything against him but I also had never been very close to Brian. He always seemed to know too much about everything without really saying anything other than to state facts or ask questions that he already knew the answers to but seemed to want you to know that he knew.
My ignoring him didn’t seem to dissuade him any however and instead of leaving Brian remained by my side until I caught sight of Liam. In my excitement of finding him and with it being Tuesday I gave a small jump while waving my arms above my head. Thankfully I caught myself acting like an over-eager puppy before Liam turned towards us but I could almost feel the grin coming from Brian who doubtlessly saw my display.
“Talk about a blast from the past” Liam said as he approached us a huge smile on his face.
This was the first time I had been close to him since going to his house and he looked amazing. The color had returned to his skin and the dark circles around his eyes while still present were far smaller. A bigger change though was the fact that Liam was no longer wearing his hoodie and had instead returned to wearing shirts with pictures of cute animals making references to movies that I didn’t understand. He was wearing a series of bracelets on each arm that looked a bit out of place on him but were a welcome addition if it meant that he would return back to his old self.
“Well it seemed like Ryder was looking for you so I wanted to make sure he was successful” Brian replied explaining away his presence easily though it didn’t seem to ring a hundred percent true.
“It is Tuesday after all”
“Ah yes, I had almost forgotten. Well I will let you two get to it”
Brian began to turn away then much to my internal joy, he stopped long enough to ruffle my hair which was a small annoyance before beginning to walk away from us. It wasn’t until I turned to look at Liam that I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Wait, you should come with us!” Liam called out confirming my worst fears. He looked so happy though at the moment that it was hard to be angry with him. My only hope would be for Brian to refuse the offer though my luck seemed to point towards that not happening.
Brian turned around and closed the distance between himself and us once more looking from me to Liam.
“I would be happy if you both don’t mind the extra company” he replied looking more at me then at Liam with the same Cheshire cat grin he always seemed to be sporting.
Looking from Brian’s smiling face to Liam’s hopeful expression only proved that there was no real option for me. While it would be fun to see if the taller boy’s expression would falter any I didn’t have the heart to disappoint Liam so, in the end, I simply shrugged which they both took as agreement.
After that Liam led the way towards his car while talking a mile a minute about the differences between a recent superhero movie and the comic that it was adapted from. He didn’t seem to need anyone else to join in the conversation or take notice that neither I or Brian seemed to have any idea what he was talking about.
Seeing him so happy about something again though made me feel warm. While I’m sure that there were more reasons for his improved attitude then taking a nap with me just knowing that I could be even a little responsible for his joy made me smile.
When we reached the car I took the passenger seat like I normally did before remembering that there was another returning member to ‘Taco Tuesday’. I tried remembering where Brian had sat before everything went down and found that I didn’t have any specific memories about him.
Thankfully he didn’t seem to care about the seating arrangement and slid into the backseat without complaint. It was then that I noticed how clean the car was. Liam’s improved mood seemed to mark a return to his old self which also included the near obsessively clean interior. Even the air in the car smelled cleaner then it had the last time I had been in it.
The ride uptown was filled with the continued one-sided conversation from Liam though throughout the trip I noticed something else that had changed. Instead of keeping both hands on the steering wheel at exactly nine and three he now had his right arm laying on the armrest with his hand sitting loosely on the shifter.
I found myself wanting to take his hand in my own, to press our arms against one another. My palms felt sweaty thinking about doing something so small but intimate with him. The audience sitting behind me, however, kept me from acting on any of those desires.
The trip across town passed quickly and before I could really dwell on what Brian would think if I just put my elbow against Liam’s we were at the Taco Bell. Once we were all inside Liam suggested that I go and get a table which due to his overpowering smile I was powerless to refuse so against my better judgment I left the two of them alone.
No one else was sitting in the dining area so the need to get a table was a little unfounded since we had the place to ourselves for the time being. I walked over to one of the high tables with bar stools for chairs and sat facing the register where Brian and Liam were talking to one another.
From my spot, I wasn’t able to hear what was being said but found myself growing annoyed every time Brian said something that made Liam’s smile grow or had him laughing. A small voice in the back of my head, which sounded exactly like Sam, tried to tell me that I had nothing to worry about. Brian and Liam had known one another before I even moved to town and Brian was number three so he had been around longer than me when it came to sharing Kyle.
When Brian leaned over Liam and put his arm around the smaller man’s waist as he whispered something to him I could hear the blood pounding in my ears. Sam’s voice was washed away by louder versions of my own listing off every reason that Liam would have to pick Brian over me.
Their shared history, his intelligence, the fact that he was older than me, his good looks, the fact that he could talk. He was better than me in pretty much every single way that mattered and I only had him beat with how fucked up I was. I would probably pick Brian over me as well.
“You okay?” Liam asked as he put the tray down on the table between us before sliding into the chair next to mine. Even with all the negative thoughts rushing through my head they were all shut out momentarily when his knee bumped mine under the table. If my rapid fall for the nerd sitting there with me wasn’t obvious enough the fact that accidental physical contact made me practically swoon would have been a dead giveaway.
Looking at his worried expression forced me to put on a fake smile before nodding my head which rewarded my efforts with his smile returning once more. Even knowing that I was most likely going to lose him to Brian did nothing to smother the sheer happiness he made me feel.
Liam divided up the food making sure that I got the half without tomatoes along with the drink that didn’t have any ice and by the time he was finished Brian was sliding his tray onto the table as well. I had specifically made sure to get a table with only three chairs and while Liam and I were sitting fairly close together I was surprised that Brian chose to sit almost directly across from us, equal space separating him on either side.
“Forgot to grab sauce” Liam lamented moving to get up from the table though he was stopped when Brian pulled out an obscene amount of sauce packets. “Ry only uses mild” Liam continued standing fully at this point.
“I’m well aware” Brian replied his Cheshire cat grin back with full force as he pulled one of the orange-colored packets from the pile and holding it up between two fingers for all to see.
My own shock was mirrored on Liam’s face as he sat back in his seat once more bumping my knee under the table though this time his knee stayed there pressed up against mine ever so gently.
I, of course, ate quietly while they began talking about a new videogame sequel that was coming out which they were both excited about. The title sounded familiar but I couldn’t remember anything about it which paired with my continued inability to find my voice kept me from joining in the conversation. Instead, I focused on the warmth I could feel coming from Liam’s knee under the table.
Once I was finished I found myself growing bored and for some reason more daring so while I waited for them I moved my leg ever so slightly resulting in our knees bumping once more. In response, Liam moved his leg away causing me to briefly lament my decision but before long his knee returned playfully bumping back against mine.
We continued like this throughout the rest of our time their resulting in my having what was most likely the goofiest grin ever but I couldn’t find it in me to care what Brian would think of my expression. My grin grew even bigger when I noticed that Liam’s smile seemed to get a little bit brighter each time I bumped my knee against his.
The feeling was so new and foreign to me like something was trapped in my stomach and was squirming around inside though not in a bad way. It didn’t feel like the butterflies I had heard people describe it as but instead almost felt like there was a flock of birds. While the feeling was amazing it also made me a little sad that this was the first time I had ever felt like this about someone. I had managed to date two people for over a year and never experienced this with either of them.
Once we were back in the car Liam’s arm returned to the armrest between us and instead of overthinking it and letting my brain talk me out of it I put my arm there alongside his while hiding my face by looking out the passenger side window. The conversation in the car progressed from videogames to recent celebrity gossip which interested me even less so I found myself zoning out and just listening to their voices without really hearing what was being said.
After a few minutes, I felt Liam’s arm move and in the next second his palm was pressed up against my own with his fingers fitting perfectly between mine. I wanted nothing more than to look at him then but knew my face would be beet red so I chose not to turn away from the window though I gave our entwined hands the smallest squeeze.
When the car stopped I moved to unbuckle myself before realizing that we weren’t in front of my house. Behind us Brian was a flurry of movement as he struggled to get out of the car, his foot seeming to be stuck on something resulting in him almost falling out the door.
My house was closer then Brian’s, Brian’s house was between mine and Liam’s. These two facts combined meant that Liam wanted to spend more time with me!
That thought alone had me squeezing his hand tightly just to make sure that everything was real. In response to this Liam turned to face me his smile brighter then I could ever remember seeing it and even though Brian was able to see us still I knew that my smile was just as strong.
Somehow the drive between Brian’s house and my own was over in seconds and Liam had managed to somehow spend more time smiling at me than actually watching where he was going. I didn’t really care though since seeing his smile seemed to be worth the potentially fatal car accident.
Once we were outside of my house Liam withdrew his hand from mine and put the car into park before turning towards me as much as he could. His hand came up to rest upon my cheek before making its way around to the back of my neck at which point he pulled me forward until our faces were almost touching.
We stayed like that, staring at one another until the daring feeling rose up in me and I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips against his. Kissing Liam was different than it had been with Kyle or Cameron.
Kyle had always been firey and full of passion, kissing him had always been something he started and they had been all-consuming and almost demanding in their hunger. Cameron on the other hand always felt wrong, like trying to put a puzzle together and the pieces never fitting together right.
Kissing Liam though felt like sunshine on my face, everything felt right with the world while still feeling like electricity coursed through me each time our lips met. All of my earlier thoughts about losing him were washed away as I kissed him and he kissed me back. When I finally had to pull away to catch my breath I was rewarded with seeing Liam’s face, his smile was even brighter somehow and his cheeks flushed as he too breathed heavily.
At that moment I wanted to tell him how I felt, explain the feelings that he awakened in me. So I opened my mouth and …
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