Nothing
I stared at Liam’s face trying to figure out what he might be feeling behind his smile as my mouth opened and closed trying to produce words that wouldn’t come. Everything that had been welling inside of me for so long was boiling to the surface and it just wouldn’t come out.
Tears started streaming down my face as the frustration and emotions became too much to bear. It became harder to catch my breath and I could hear myself gasping as I tried to get enough oxygen to fill my lungs but my chest just continued to constrict.
Liam’s hand on the back of my neck urged me forward more until my face was firmly against his, our cheeks pressed to one another. His hand continued to move, rubbing the nape of my neck gently as he whispered into my ear.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself,” he said softly, his warm breath blowing against the shell of my ear with each word he spoke.
We stayed like that for a long time, my breathing became easier and the tears slowed as the emotions that had been overwhelming me subsided. Liam just continued to hold me, repeating himself over and over.
I pulled away from him when I felt like my usual self again or at least as close to normal as I had been recently. His smile was shining just as brightly as it had been before everything had started and I found myself trusting it just a little bit more. While there was most likely some kind of emotion underneath I was sure that the smile was still genuine.
Fumbling with my phone I opened up the conversation I had with Liam a few days ago and typed out a short message.
‘Sorry, I really just want to talk to you’ I wrote out before showing him the screen and waiting as he read it.
“Well, you’re talking to me now” he replied looking up to give me a lopsided grin.
I brought the phone back towards me and deleted the earlier text before writing another message. ‘There are things I want you to know but it doesn’t feel right texting’ I wrote out before once more moving the screen for him to read.
“That’s okay, you can tell me when your ready” Liam said his hand moving to my cheek once more, rubbing small circles with his thumb as he stared at me in a way that made my stomach give a funny little flip. “You don’t have to push yourself, just take your time and when your ready I will be here”
His words along with the honest caring expression he had on his face made me feel even more embarrassed about my mini-breakdown. Liam was Liam and as such, I should have known that he wouldn’t be upset with me over something like this. He would wait for me for as long as it took.
My only hope at that moment was that somehow I was able to provide the same level of reassurance and caring that Liam was showing to me. That my listening to him talk about Kyle, spending these Tuesdays with him and letting him fall asleep on me somehow made him feel the same way that he was making me feel right then.
I smiled at Liam, taking the lead as I leaned in towards him and pressed our lips together again.
We kissed for another few minutes as if nothing had interrupted us before I grudgingly disentangled myself from him and got out of the car. I walked backwards from the car waving to him with each step I took, my smile so big that it almost hurt. He sat in his car smiling back just as wide and returning my wave the entire time.
Liam’s waiting to drive away until I was inside was one of the sweetest things I had ever seen, sadly however I wasn’t the only one who saw it.
When I turned into the house I was greeted by my sister who was sitting on the kitchen counter grinning at me so wide that I could see almost all of her teeth.
“So who was that?” she asked in a sing-songy voice.
Fuck.
I wasn’t exactly trying to hide Liam but I also wasn’t at a point that this conversation could happen. Yes, we had kissed, a lot, I still wasn’t sure what exactly that made us. I’m sure if I asked my sister or even Sam they would tell me that Liam and I were dating but I didn’t want to get my hopes up and assume that myself.
My response to her question was what I hoped to be a disinterested shrug as I grabbed a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge.
“Is Cameron no longer a thing or are you just being a slut?” she asked her eyes taking on an evil gleam as she continued to barrage me with questions. “Does he know you’re being a slut? Does the new mystery boy know about Cameron or are you two-timing them both?! Are they the only two your making out with or are you really getting around?”
It was obvious that she was really enjoying the fact that she had managed to catch me not being the perfect child of the family. Both of our parents had agreed when we were young that my sister was always much more of a handful then me in every single way and they had not been wrong.
That’s not to say she was a bad kid if anything she was probably closer to being a regular well-adjusted child whereas I definitely had a lot of problems. These problems however usually manifested in my being quiet and withdrawn. I also had a phobia of getting dirty growing up which meant most of my pass-times ended up being confined to my room. My sister, on the other hand, was rambunctious and outgoing, she wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty and just couldn’t seem to sit still.
Now though she had something on me and it was doubtful that I would be hearing the end of it anytime soon. I wouldn’t be surprised if she already sent texts to both of our parents to tell them about what she had witnessed.
All of her questions went unanswered as I took my drink and bound up the stairs two at a time. Her voice followed me all the way to my room as she continued to ask rapid-fire questions about my sexual exploits until I shut my bedroom door.
Collapsing onto my bed I began to wonder how long I could go on like this. If I was normal, or at least normal as I had ever been, then telling my sister enough information to stop her from turning into the Spanish inquisition would be easy enough. My parents could be put at ease knowing that I wasn’t two-timing anyone or at least that I wasn’t anymore.
Instead, I would have to resort to shrugging my way through all of this and I didn’t know how long that was going to work. I wanted to talk but that didn’t seem to matter for some reason, my voice wasn’t working anymore and wouldn’t turn on no matter how much I wanted it to.
Something was definitely wrong with me but I wasn’t sure what or how to fix it. That needed to change and I knew just who could help me.
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