“Bird!”

The shout was the only warning he got before a small blur of pink rocketed towards him and nearly bowled him over. Years of practice had taught Bird to brace himself quickly against the impact, and he was just happy Lucy always turned her head for this kind of greeting. Getting impaled on her horn would have sucked.

“Give him some space Lucy, he’s been running errands and he’s probably tired.” Mono was close behind the child. She likely had some kind of forewarning through Foresight’s disappearance.

“No, it’s alright.” In truth, the tackle of a hug was comforting. It was familiar in a way that Bird hadn’t experienced in a time. He didn’t worry if it was too short of a period to feel such a way, and for the moment just enjoyed the sights and sounds of the Nightlight preparing for the evening.

Mono smiled as warmly as ever, and guided them inside towards the bar. Outside of the four of them, there wasn’t a soul in the place yet. Thrash was absent, either out running errands for Mono or still asleep in their bed.

“Did you happen to get all the books I asked for?”

“Yeah, though I think the first couple are a little drier than you might have been expecting.”

Extricating the books from his bag was a short process, and Mono raised a brow at the small stack of them.

“Perhaps the author had more to write about than I thought.”

It was a thin code, but enough that a passerby wouldn’t think much of it if they entered. Bird reorganized the stacks a little, passing a copy of the earliest to Mono.

“It’s a wider net than expected, but also a little bit more in depth on regular stuff. Like I said, a little drier than expected.” Bird shrugged, smile prying at his lips. “I did a bit of perusing; maybe I can help you start going through them?”

“For Lucy’s sake that might be wise. The topics do go a bit beyond what I normally deal with. Later, though.” She spared a quick look around the club, lingering on the door for a second. Content with the lack of audience, she continued, “Did you find anything about that special topic?”

Calamities. Bird frowned a bit and shook his head.

“A little harder to find, I guess. I’ll keep an eye out though.” It seemed like the knowledge on Calamities and natural magic was sparse. Perhaps that, or kept in a different place than the standard library. Not that Bird had been able to spend much time perusing the stacks so far.

Mono didn’t seem too bothered by the news, flipping through the journal in her hands. Bird watched her eye dart about the page, taking in some of the extra notes in the margins. It wasn’t much, but it seemed to satisfy her.

“How have you been?” She asked it offhandedly, not looking up from the book yet.

“Living the dream.” The question hit Bird almost after the response came for it. There was a lot to unpack if he answered honestly, and he frankly didn’t want to. The whole thing made him feel childish, being so lonely in such a short time. The strange guilt.

“Hope the dream is decent at least.” Foresight chimed in, one of the journals in hand. He gestured to the page he was staring down. “Seems a bit boring to me.”

“Some of it. The rest is… not bad.” Good wasn’t a word that he wanted to say. Foresight nodded, eyes on the book and not much attention paid to the words. Lucy was too busy trying to hike her way onto the tall seats of the bar to get at the books.

Mono seemed to have noticed though. Maybe in the word choice, maybe in the slight hesitation.

“What’s it like there?” She posed the question as she calmly closed her book, pressing at the edge of the topic.

“Big. There’s just a lot; it’s hard to go into details.” Bird legitimately didn’t know where to start. “There are a lot of small things though; like stuff built to just be nice.”

“What, like lamps that compliment you? Details.” Mono joked, reaching forward to slap his shoulder lightly.

“No, but I bet someone’s working on it somewhere.” Bird laughed at first, but it died a little awkwardly when he started to feel embarrassed. Guilty? He wasn’t sure, but he felt uncomfortable suddenly with the topic. He had been thinking of things like the nearly limitless hot water, the abundance of food and drink, the amenities of his room, and resources available to him.

Everything on the list was either scarce in Lowmyre at best or totally unavailable at worst. Bird felt like it would have been like taunting them to talk about it fondly.

“Foresight, why don’t you head over to a table where there’s a bit more room and start going over some of these with Lucy. They're dated, right Bird?” Mono got a confused nod from Bird, and continued, “Let’s see how easy it is to pick up without a guide.”

“Yeah, fair. Might not be able to stay long enough to go over everything.” Foresight conceded and hopped off his stool, tucking the journals under his arm. Lucy groaned in protest, having finally gotten up to the stool and comfortable, but a stern look from Mono sent her chasing after Foresight.

“Probably smart. That’s a lot more than I think I could go over on a weekend.” Bird remarked, watching Mono walk from the bar towards a door to the back room. She motioned him over.

He clicked his tongue, knowing about where this was going and not fully wanting to hop on that ride. Trying to stay was going to be a losing battle and he knew it though.

***

Standing before Mono was an experience entirely dependent on her mood and her relation to you. A stranger being a nuisance would recount her as a tyrant storm, a wall of force that would not be bargained with. A friend in need would easily call her a bastion of warmth and advice, meaning well and often saying what needed to be heard.

In truth, Bird wasn’t sure what Mono would say about all this if he told her. She had called him to the back room to speak in private. Sending Lucy and Foresight to begin reading the books had been more for the sake of space than knowledge.

“So, what’s the part that you’re torturing yourself with?”

Gentle, direct, and exactly what Bird didn’t know how to articulate.

“I’m the only Weird up there in the Academy. Just a little strange, is all.” Bird’s answer didn’t seem to have much impact on Mono, and he continued, “Anxiety about getting exposed is high most of the time. Doesn’t make things pleasant.”

“I’m sure. It’s not the only thing though, is it?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Anxiety tires you out, having to constantly spend time thinking and worrying. You look tired, but you look tired from the road. I know it’s still a problem, but I don’t think it’s what’s eating at you.”

For all the promises that she didn’t have a Calamity of her own, the crew of the Nightlight would swear she did. The insight she had for people’s problems didn’t seem plausible without one sometimes. Maybe her eye could see hearts. It wouldn’t be the only magic eye he knew of.

A beat passed. And another. Bird sighed.

“I feel a little guilty, alright? Guilty and alone up there.” Bird found himself wringing his wrist as he spoke. “They talk a lot about unity and equality under a banner of dedication. But everytime it comes up, I’m left feeling isolated. I am isolated, Mono. And it comes up a lot. They’d eat me alive up there if they found out I was a Weird, and it would be hundreds against one.”

“I don’t think anyone would fault you for that.” she motioned for him to continue, “But guilty how?”

“Guilty for… I don’t know, for liking it up there, maybe? I mean, everything’s so… clean. Functional. There’s so much designed just for convenience or creature comforts; small things that we can’t have here because there’s bigger shit to deal with. Like heat. Like clean water. Like not being broke.” Bird broke from the thought with his hands in the air, not sure how to articulate the guilt. “It’s like I’m betraying Lowmyre when I like something up there. It feels like after every raw deal and short stick Goldwind has handed us, I shouldn’t have anything but contempt for everyone and everything up there. Maybe it’s envy, maybe I’m just...”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know, Mono.” Bird slumped against the wall, his diamond eyes dropping to the floor. “It just feels bad. It feels bad to feel bad, and it feels worse to tell myself not to feel bad. It’s like I know I’m guilty of something with being up there, but it’s something so abstract that everything is terrible.”

Mono took it in, mulling the words over. The silence sat in the air longer than Bird would have liked; he didn’t know what he feared her saying, but every second made him dread that unknown more.

Eventually, she sighed, nodding slowly.

“I know what guilt like that can feel like. I know where you’re coming from, but I think you’re wrong about betraying Lowmyre. I don’t think it’s really like that.”

“Why?”

“There are Weirds in Lowmyre that would agree with you; they’d say that using anything up there is a sin against Lowmyre and what the Weirds have had to endure.” Mono wandered over to the window as she spoke, peeking through the curtains to look over the street below. “But there are also some Weirds in that camp that have condemned a lot of things, just because they’re stuck wallowing in that strange mire of pride and self-loathing that Goldwind tried to force on us.”

“Exactly. Goldwind doing that to us is why I’ve been feeling guilty about liking anything about it.”

“Well, maybe there’s some truth to it. I think we should be mad about what’s happened.” She turned back to him, curtains swinging lazily back to position. “But if that anger is going to stop us from moving forward, we’re just feeding the same cycle.”

“So I’m supposed to just accept everything with open arms, accept all the shit that’s flowed down hill?”

“No, but I think that’s the problem. There’s not a good answer, there are only opinions and views. I can give you mine if it will help you feel better, but it’s not an answer.” Mono shrugged, black hair tumbling over her shoulder with the gesture. “Do you want my opinion?”

There was a moment of quiet in the room, where Bird couldn’t fully bring himself to answer. He wanted to be mad, but it wasn’t easy.

“Yeah.” It came quietly. Bird felt embarrassed for some reason; perhaps for getting riled up while Mono stayed calm.

She let him sit for a moment before she spoke, slow and even.

“I think that you’ve earned your place at the Academy, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I don’t feel betrayed that you like things up there; Hell, I would probably like a lot of things up there too from what you’ve said. A lot of Weirds would.” She put a hand on his shoulder, “I don’t think that most of the people and the luxuries of Goldwind are what make life harder in Lowmyre, either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s the system they live in. I think it’s the ideas that are put in kid’s heads that never get challenged, so you get a bunch of adults that are so sure of the world that they’d wouldn’t accept anything different, even if it were the truth. I’m sure some people up there are legitimate assholes, but I think a lot of them just haven’t known any better. Maybe you have a strange opportunity to change that.”

“What, you want me to drop the guise and prance about preaching?”

“No, not yet at least.” A stern look cut off the next quip. “You’ve already done something a lot of people would say is impossible for a Weird; you got into the Academy, fair and square. Sure, you hid your Weirdness, but that has nothing to do with skill and talent.”

“Sounds more likely to piss people off than change anything.”

“Oh I’m sure it would, but the point is that some people would have to recognize what you’re capable of. What Weirds are capable of.” Mono sighed deeply, suddenly bearing a weight that was common in Lowmyre, “Just that we’re capable of all the same as the Normals.”

“It would take some serious effort to do that.”

“I know, I know. That’s why I think you should loosen up and actually be a part of the Academy. Make friends, learn things. Maybe you’ll make allies that will vouch for you if you’re exposed. Maybe you’ll discover something too valuable to deny your talent.” Mono saw the protest rising and halted it with a raised hand. “Being distrustful of the people and things of Goldwind just because they’re from Goldwind is no different than distrusting a Weird because they’re a Weird. Do what you do here; figure out who the assholes are and make friends elsewhere.”

It was a strange pep talk, and it left Bird a little conflicted. There were a lot of reasons to distrust Goldwind on principle, but he was drawn to the idealism of Mono’s philosophy. As it stood, if he was outed he’d be on his own. No one knew him at the Academy, no one had a reason to trust him.

Then, bidden by the thought, his conversation with Roderick came to mind. A bit of reprimand, a bit of trust. It felt more earnest than most of Bird’s conversations at the academy, even with the deceit. Roderick had called him a good guy. Bird didn’t like thinking about that conversation in the context of what was a useful connection or not.

“So, I’m to play them? Gain their trust to save myself?” Bird sighed, pessimism setting in. He didn’t like the thought of gaining trust purely for an end. Mono countered it.

“No, I think it would be best if you were simply yourself Bird. You have friends here that are willing to fight for you; I don’t doubt you could do the same at the Academy. I think you’ll need that at the Academy.”

“...I can’t promise that I know what I’m doing.”

“No one does, Songbird.” Mono laughed, short and sad. She pulled him from the wall and into her arms. He hugged her back out of reflex, feeling her chin on his head a moment after. “You wanted to bring knowledge to Lowmyre, give the people here a fighting chance. You had a crazy idea that no one’s had before, and its worked. But it’s scary for us, so I know it’s at least twice as bad for you. No one knows what to do, so we take the days as they come. We use who we are to deal with life.”

“What’s your advice then?”

“Be yourself. Innovate, charm, and sing. Care for friends and fight for them.” Mono patted his back, laughing warmly this time. “You are the most brash calculated person I know Bird. I’ve seen you make a full plan and then manage to ditch it at the perfect time to deck the right person. My advice is the same thing you always do. My advice is do no harm, and take no shit.”