Yesterday didn’t go exactly like I hoped. I mean, it was going well at first but it sort of went downhill after the movie ended. And something was definitely wrong with Philip when he left. I should’ve asked what was wrong but combining the fact that he, obviously, still doesn’t trust me and the fact that he keeps everything to himself, it doesn’t take rocket science to know he wouldn’t have told me anyways.

    After lying on my bed for thirty minutes replaying the night over and over in my mind to see where it went wrong, it finally hits me. “Oh shit,” I whisper before bolting upright. “Oh. Fucking. Shit. I’m such an idiot! I can’t believe I did that to him again!” I grab my phone off the bedside table, quickly call Ezra, and pace around my room while chewing on my thumb nail- a nervous habit I’ve been meaning to stop.

    “I’m the worst friend ever,” I say as soon as he answers.

   “Oh no,” he replies with a sigh. “What’d you do this time?”

   “Ezra!”

   “Er, I mean… No, you’re not! But seriously though, what’d you do?”

   “I fucked up. Again...” It’s silent for a minute and I’m assuming he’s running his hands through his ginger curls with his head bowed like he always does when I screw something up.

    “What did you fuck up and how?”

    “Well… You remember how Philip left in a hurry and we both knew something was wrong but didn’t question him?”

    “Yes Issac, that was yesterday.” He’s using his ‘get to point’ tone of voice- I’m very familiar with it.

    “Yeah, uh, so I figured out the reason why he left like that was because of my singing.”

    “Damn, I knew your singing was bad but I didn’t know it was that bad!”

    I let out a huff of annoyance. “No, Ezra! It’s because of all the people I attracted with my singing.”

    “So? I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Another huff of annoyance. “He gets anxiety when there’s too many people, Ez. That’s probably why he ran off to the bathroom then rushed home.” I groan and flop back onto my bed. “I ruined our hang out.”

    “It’s alright, Issac, we’ll have other chances to hang out. Just pick a more low-key place next time. But you have to apologize to him first.”

    “I know, I’ll text you later.”

    “Alright.”

    I hang up and call Phillip. “Come on,” I mumble after the first ring. “Pick up, pick up, pick up!” It rings three more times before going to voicemail. Damn it, I think. He’s probably mad at me. I get off my bed and start pacing again. “He has every right to, I guess,” I say to myself. “This is the second time I’ve done this to him. Seriously, how could I have be so inconsider-”

    The chime of my phone interrupts me. I race to get it, almost face planting on the way, and throw myself on my bed. There’s a text notification from Philip, then, another one pops up.

Evans (Evie):

Sorry, I don't really like talking on the phone that much

What's up tho? Why'd u call?

    “Thank God! He’s not mad at me,” I say as I let out something that sounds like a combination of a relieved sigh and a laugh. “But I still have to apologize.”

Me:

Its just…

i figured out the reason u left so early was bc of me

So i wanted 2 say im sorry

I was being stupid

I didnt mean 2 make u leave like that

Evans (Evie):

It's alright Issac

Ik u didn’t do it on purpose

Just… maybe try to be more mindful next time?

    I feel some kind of strange hope and happiness stirring in my chest as I read the last text. I try to push it away because I know exactly what it's the beginning of and I can't let it grow. But despite my best efforts it remains there in my chest, reminding me of the mistake my emotions are deciding to make.

Me:

Next time :D?! U want 2 hang out w/ us again?!

Evans (Evie):

Don't me make regret saying it

Me:

Ok ok i promise!

And i really mean it

I cant promise ill be perfect

U cant change over nite after all

but ill try harder so i dont make u go thru all that again

Cos i hate doing that to u

    "Shit, I shouldn't have sent that," I say, thinking out loud. "It sounds like I have a crush on him or something. Which I don't." I laugh nervously because the feeling in my chest appears once more, trying to tell me otherwise. "I'm not starting to like him." I try again, more harsh this time. "I mean there's still so much I don't know about him. Not that I don’t want to get to know him better but-"

    My phone chimes twice next to me. The anticipation of what he texted back makes my heart beat faster so I take a deep breath before opening it.

Evans (Evie):

Thank u Issac

That… that really means a lot to me

    And just like that, by a couple little texts, things begin to shift ever so slightly.