Samantha sat in the pew, listening to her father speak about Grandma Mae. She sat with her mother in the front row. Although he wasn’t blood related, Samantha pleaded that Aberham sit with them. She felt comforted by the warmth of her best friend.
Her father finished speaking, Samantha stood to go to the podium. It had been arranged for her to speak at the funeral. She didn’t know why, in fact, she thought it was idiotic.
As Samantha stood and looked at the faces, she noticed some looked disconnected. Others mournful, and some were sobbing. She wondered how exactly she looked to them. Inhaling, she began to speak.
“My grandmother... My grandmother was an amazing person.” She began. Her voice trembled with every word. “She was loving and kind. Grandma Mae, she looked out for everyone she could. She never wanted anyone to be upset... If... If she saw us all like this, she’d say to come inside, have some of her soup... it’s fresh off the burner.”
Samantha covered her mouth to keep from breaking down. She closed her eyes.
“But she’s not here. She’s in a better place, you see. She’s staring down at us with a smile in her eye. She wouldn’t want us to be mournful for long. But she would want us to remember her. To love her. And to be like she was... in our own way...”
Samantha stepped away from the podium, opening her eyes. She walked back to the pew and sat. Her father got up and some some more, but Samantha couldn’t hear it. Her ears were ringing. She stared at her feet. Her eyes burned and her vision blurred. Another round of tears came when she forced herself to look at the closed casket.
After the funeral was over, they all drove to the graveyard where Grandma Mae was to be buried. Samantha sat in the back seat, knees pulled to her chest. She didn’t bother with a seatbelt, and was too tired to fix her dress, which was scrunched up at her thighs. She stared out the window as the graveyard approached. OakWise Cemetery.
They parked. Samantha got out with shaking legs. Grandma Mae was going to be buried. She smoothed down her dress to hide her anger. What was she angry at? She couldn’t tell. Aberham arrived with his mother. He walked over to her and hugged her tightly. She resisted the urge to pull away, instead holding onto him.
“C’mon.” He murmured to her, and they both walked with the rest of the group to the grave.
Samantha found herself at the edge of the group, closest to the pit as she could go. They lowered the coffin into the grave. Someone was speaking. The coffin was out of sight. It hit the ground. Her father tossed in a handful of dirt. Her mom tossed some in. It was her turn. The world seemed to slow.
She reached out and grabbed some dirt, crouching by the pit. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t. She couldn’t. Tears began to fall faster and faster. Her father wrapped an arm around her. “You can do it, take your time, Sammy.”
Anger flew up in her, bile filled her mouth. She resisted the urge to scream at him. She didn’t. She dropped the dirt over the coffin, then stood and walked back. Her mother glanced down at Samantha’s now dirty leggings, stained with the grass she crouched on. Samantha stared at the grave, at the dirt other people dropped. She didn’t recognize a lot of the people, but Grandma Mae helped everyone.
Two men stuck out to her. They kept glancing back at her and her parents. They met Samantha’s eyes one time, and their faced were filled with pity, sorrow, and regret.
Samantha looked down at her feet, waiting for the day to end.
When she finally got a moment alone into her room, her parents were outside with a last few well-wishers.
And Samantha screamed. She screamed and screamed and screamed.
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