LEVIATHAN’S ENVY

He saw her and before he knew it, a brilliant and innocent smile threw daggers upon his chest.

She was happy with him.

He never pondered about these stirrings in his heart, it was of no importance for their race as their happiness lay in service to their creator. He knew he didn’t want her the way she wanted that human, yet, being exposed to this novel feeling in its rawest form made him finally realise that there was an inescapable emptiness inside him.

A drop of envy enveloped his soul. It was tens, then hundreds, and finally some thousands of years before he noticed that he was already drowning in a sea of insecurity; a raging sea of jealousy and fear.

After the descent, he and his brothers banded together in refuge. Even though they had each other, no matter the comfort or no matter what words were said, nothing was ever the same.

His wings wilted as his soul languished, his halo blackened into thorny spikes, and his skin moulted into repulsive scales — some of which protruded into an unsightly tail.

He lost his confidence, he lost his home, and he lost her.

Muddled with despair, he tried everything to fill the void within him. He learned to feign happiness and briefly chased after ivory towers as they provided him a momentary breath of euphoria and an escape from reality.

With every murmur and whisper on his ears from the other side, his lips carried enticing words that compelled them to be like him - drowning in self-loathing and resentment against the world. He became the very thing he used to flawlessly destroy.

There was no redemption to a demon like him. No matter what he did, he felt trapped in the unending loop of pain and suffering. He thought that he only survived the fall to relish in his deserved punishment. He truly believed that her happiness was something that he will never know.

Until he met you.