Hope - Iris

Jeremy

His parents scared me. I don't know what's worse. His overly friendly mother or his silent Dad. I was way too confident when I met them the last time.

"What are your aspirations?"

Who asks someone about their aspirations after the second meeting. I didn't have aspirations. I didn't think that I'd even make it to my eighteenth. I don't have long term goals or dreams. It's disappointing, but it's my reality. Donovan told his parents something and they left. I instantly felt relieved.

"I'm sorry about them. Well, I'm sorry about myself too. We can be a bit much. I know it might be overwhelming. I feel like I ruined the day."

"Never."

"Do you want a soda?" His sheepish expression caused me to laugh.

"No! The tea was amazing." I lied. The tea tasted like garbage, but I couldn't tell him the truth.

"I'm glad you liked it. I won't force you to eat healthy ever again though. I need to stop forcing my beliefs on you."

"Don, I eat so much crap. I'm surprised my body hasn't shut down yet. I like that you care. I'd never get angry with anyone that cares about me." As I said that, I knew I didn't believe that myself. I got angry at my best friend Jason for caring. As the days go by, I miss him more and more. I regret letting him go.

"I never know if you're telling me what I want to hear, or if you're being serious."

"Am I that confusing?"

"I think it's my insecurities. Here' are your gifts. I hope you like them. If you don't, please don't tell me."

He pushed three boxes towards me. I unwrapped the smallest one first. Cologne. I opened it and sprayed it on myself. I liked it. 

"It smells amazing, I'm going to enjoy smelling it on you." Donovan grinned.

I opened the largest box. It read "Essential Oil Diffuser"

"What's this?"

"Open the other one first."

I opened the smaller box. There was a box container with little glass bottles. The first bottle had the word Lavender written on it. The second said Peppermint.

"What's this?"

"I'm glad you asked. It's an essential oil diffuser. It's for aromatherapy. I thought that it could help you." 

"Help with what?"

"You always look sad. The bags under eyes have increased and you're always so jittery. I thought maybe if you spent some time doing aromatherapy, you'd feel better."

Why is he so nice? He makes me so weary. Jason was my friend for over ten years. He saw my depression first hand and he never questioned my actions. He never tried to understand. He never bought me a damn aromatherapy kit. I looked at everything but him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to say anything. I just know that I felt emotional. I pressed my hands together to stop them from shaking. After the day I spent with Donovan, I felt a boost. My mother and I cleaned up the rest of the garden and tried to decorate it. I wanted him to be proud of me. I feel like my reasoning behind everything is so flawed. I blinked away my tears.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I always forget about how insecure he is.

"Don't apologize for being thoughtful. Thank you so much. I'm going to try it out. Maybe we can do it together."

He happily nodded. "That would be great."

"Hug," I said. He instantly crawled into my lap and hugged me.

"The cologne was a very good investment. You smell amazing."

He nuzzled my neck. I never let people that weren't my family touch me.

Yet, from the very start, I allowed Donovan to do just that. I don't understand my feelings and they scare me.

                                                               🍰

Before we left Donovan packed six bowls full of treats. I don't understand why he felt like he needed to, but I let him have his moment.

"So there's chocolate cake, vanilla cupcakes and sugar cookies. Rory likes Voltron so I made him special Voltron cookies. Um... I also made fruit cake for your mother and brownies for your dad and I specially made cheesecake for you, so please put it in the fridge."

He looked very proud of himself. Seeing him hold all those bowls in his short arms looked funny.

"Are you serious? Why? This must have taken a lot of time. My family would have been happy with one slice of chocolate cake."

The smile on his face shifted to a frown. "I think I got too excited."

I pulled into my driveway and parked the car. "No... it's just. You're going above and beyond for me."

"I wanted to make a good impression. I think I'm going to scare you away."

I sighed. "I want to keep you for the most selfish reasons. You bring me lunch, you can cook and bake. You're smart. You offer me more than I could ever offer you. Please don't feel insecure. I really like you, Donovan."

He instantly grinned. "I don't get many compliments. When I get them from you, I feel so happy. I like you too Jeremy."

Donovan got out of the car and nearly spilt everything on the floor. I tried to help but he said that he's independent. So I watched him try to balance everything.

Keyword, try.

In the end, I held everything and he opened the front door for me. Noise erupted from the kitchen, so I headed that way.

My parents and Rory were there. Mum was taking a ham out of the oven and my father was taking pictures. Rory just sat there spinning on a stool around the island.

"Jeremy's back!" Rory exclaimed when he saw me. He peered at Donovan from his spot, unmoving.

"I wasn't gone that long."

"It felt like a long time. Welcome back."

I loved Rory so much.

"Thank you." I softly pecked his cheek and put him down.

"Hi, Donovan. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. I brought you a treat."

He stooped down to Rory's level. He took the purple container out of my hand and handed it to him.

"I made you Voltron cookies."

"No way!" Rory opened the bowl and squealed. "Thank you, Donovan."

Rory quickly hugged Donovan, then pulled away. He looked shy.

"You're welcome."

"I hope Jeremy keeps you. I like you."

"I hope so too."

I glanced at my parents. I was a little worried. They were too busy watching Donovan's and Rory's interaction. Jeremy handed the yellow container to my father and the blue to my mother.

They were surprised by the contents. "Wow, thank you. How did you know that I like fruit cake?"

"Jeremy mentioned it once and I remembered. Same with the brownies. I hope you enjoy."

"We will. Jeremy, please keep him," Dad teased.

I ignored him as I put my cheesecake in the fridge. It was only 1 o'clock and I was ready to go into my cave. I took Don's hand and led him to the Christmas tree. Rory followed us. He sat on the floor as Donovan sat beside me. I handed Donovan his presents. The pink rock peaked from above the box. Donovan pulled out the Pink Himalayan Salt lamp.

"Pink Himalayan Salt lamp? This is so cool. How'd you know?" I didn't know. My mother suggested it and I went along with it.

"The perfect guess."

"It matches my room. Thank you."

"I want to lick it." Rory tried to grab the lamp and I held him down.

"No, you won't."

"It looks so tasty." His eyes shown with excitement.

"Okay, I'll put it away." Donovan put the lamp back in the box and put it behind his body.

He opened the other box. It consisted of soaps and candles. Is it obvious that my mother went shopping?

"Woah. These smell amazing. They smell so good, I wanna eat them."

"Please don't. You're no better than Rory."

"I won't. I love it. Thank you. I loved this gift exchange."

"I have one more surprise for you. Will you do the honours, Rory"

Rory jumped up and ran for the extra special present. A large bouquet. I was the one to buy this gift. The bouquet had a mixture of pink lilies and purples irises.

Irises meant hope.

Donovan gives me hope.

"Merry Christmas again."

Rory presented the flowers to Donovan.

"Wow." He gasped. "I've never gotten flowers before. I promised myself that I wouldn't be a crybaby. This is the second time for the day. What is wrong with me."

He choked up and started sobbing.

"Don't cry , Donovan!"

Rory hugged him.

"This makes me extra emotional because Irises mean hope. Did you know that while choosing them?"

Of course, he knew the meaning.

"I did. You give me hope."

I paused for a moment. I had to word this in a way that wouldn't hurt me or him.

"I don't like people, but you give me hope that there are genuinely good people out there."

"Oh."

Rory continued hugging him. I felt like I should've been the one hugging him. He kept wiping his tears and sniffling. When he calmed down, he stood up.

"I don't think I'll ever get enough of this."

Me neither.

"I have something to show you. Mum and I fixed the backyard."

I stuck out my hand for him to hold and he took it without asking any questions. His fingers fit into mines as they belonged there.

"Don't forget me." Rory stumped his way to the back yard leaving us behind. "You're too slow."

"No running in the house, Rory."

"Don't scold him, Jeremy. That's my job," Dad shouted from the kitchen.

I pulled Donovan outside and rolled my eyes. He gets away with everything.

"So this is the new and improved backyard. As you can see, the grass is trimmed, there aren't any weeds and the flowers look extra healthy. Dad even fixed the bench swing."

I pointed at everything as if I was a presenter.

"It's beautiful."

Mum and I spent three consecutive days trying to fix it up. After Jean, she refused to come here. It was like therapy for her. Jean and mum poured cement on the walkway and they wrote their name and made handprints to show everyone their hard work. When she saw it, she completely broke down. It used to be covered in vines and weeds but now it was covered in candles and flowers. I was happy she was able to see this and I was happy that she got this moment.

"Who made the flower arch?"

Donovan blended right into the arch. I didn't know the names of the flowers used, but the brightly coloured flowers matched him.

"Mum did. She worked as a landscaper for a long time. I was her trusted sidekick."

"You did amazing."

"It's all thanks to you."

"How?"

"I wasn't planning on ever coming back here. When I told my mother about what we did, she got some motivation. So thank you."

He let out a soft laugh. "You're welcome."

Donovan sat on the swing bench. His legs barely touched the ground. Rory joined him and I took a seat next to Rory.

"Jeremy."

"Yes, Rory. What's wrong?"

"I'm sad now."

I quickly understood what he was talking about. I lifted him in my arms.

"I'll be right back, Donovan."

By the time I got inside, Rory was crying. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't ever apologize for crying."

I kissed his cheek and took him to my parents, who were still in the kitchen.

"Rory, what's wrong?"

Dad took him from me and held him up.

"I miss Jean. I want Jean."

"Oh, baby."

Dad squeezed him tightly. He kept drowning him in kisses.

This is our first Christmas without Jean. I wondered which one of us would be the first one to burst. Unexpectedly it was Rory.

"I want Jean. I want Jean," he kept saying. His cries and tears increased.

My parents were never able to give him a proper answer.

"I thought the therapy worked. I thought he was okay." Mum's eyes were glazed over.

"Therapy isn't a permanent fix. It's Christmas. I think it triggered something." I held her hand and rubbed her back.

"I can't be strong for him, Jeremy."

"Mum you don't need to be strong. You don't ever have to be strong."

"I'm supposed to be your mother. I should be comforting you."

"You're right. Your my mother and I will comfort you. If you need to cry, cry. I'll be here always just like I know you'll always be there for me."

My words acted as a catalyst for the dam holding her tears back. Once the tears started there's no way for them to stop. I held her tightly as she sobbed into my shoulders. We were having a full-on sob-fest until I remembered Donovan. I let go of my mother ran outside. He didn't move from where I left him. He did, however, look very worried.

"Is everything okay?" He hopped off the swing and hastily walked over to me. "I didn't want to interrupt. I heard crying and I'm worried. Should I leave?"

"I'm sorry. Something came up. I should take you home. You can pass through the gate and meet me at the car. I'll bring your presents."

I left him as I went to pick up his presents and told my parents I was leaving. I handed him the presents and unlocked the car. The drive to his home was done in total silence.

"I had a nice time today. Thank you for your gifts. They made me very happy. Enjoy the rest of your holidays."

"Bye Donovan. You too."

He looked taken aback by my reply. My mood had drastically changed in a couple of minutes and I needed to be alone as soon as possible. The last thing I needed was to take my anger out on him.

"See you in two weeks."

"Yeah."

He opened the car door and stepped out. He didn't close the door. He just stood there.

"I—"

"Don't Donovan. You're probably going to apologize and I can't deal with that right now. It's not you. It's never you. So please go inside."

He finally closed the door and smiled at me.

"Bye. Drive safely."

I was mean to him and he still smiled at me? I cursed under my breath and drove off. I just proved to myself that I don't deserve friends.