I am my own spirit animal, sort of. I don't believe in zodiacs or tarot cards or horoscopes but I know that there is a being inside me that controls how I react to everyday occurrences. I call them Bambae [very original, I KNOW]. I first imagined Bambae when I was three [just putting this here to prove its authenticity when I finally write my autobiography].

The above statement is a lie. I cannot remember any details about my childhood except bits and pieces [perks of having such a terrible memory]. I do not know when I first imagined anything, but I first remembered that Bambae existed when I was nine. I had been about to turn into the road to my house when suddenly the cumulative epiphany building throughout my walk from the supermarket hit me all at once.

"I had an imaginary friend," I remember myself exclaiming. And what an exclamation it was, it turned heads in my direction [those who had heard never looked at me the same way ever again].

Bambae had long black fur on their head with highlights that changed color depending on my mood [a really original design when compared to most spirit animals]. Their features mirrored mine, except the mirror had been one from an alternate dimension [aka my imagination]. If there was a male version of me and a female version of me [another me, because I am the original] and their faces and personalities were merged, that would be Bambae [that WAS Bambae].

Bambae didn't have facial hair. It had been a big no-no when the sprouting of their beard started. I had to imagine it all away down to their genetics. It was a [D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G] experience I would never forget.

I mean, no version of me looks good with facial hair. The fact that a beard of all things thought it had a chance was ridiculous.