Ohhhhh, shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit.
Can I pause the game!? I need to think of what to do next! Erin was not the protagonist—I don’t know anything about her life before she entered the pageant! Does she get arrested here, and escape later? Or, does she trick the doctor and escape now? Does she kill the doctor?
No, no. This is a classic princeXprincess otome game. There’s no murder in kiddy games like these.
“They should be here soon, actually…” The doctor mused. She slanted me another harsh look. “You, stay right here. Not that you could get anywhere,” she grinned wickedly, “as you’re on the top floor.” She curtly turned on her heel and left the room, supposedly in search of the people who would be here to arrest me.
I heard the door click shut when she left, and wondered if I should bother trying the doorknob. Even if it was unlocked, there’s no way I could sneak past an entire staff unnoticed. Apparently, Erin was pretty famous around these parts.
I was confident that if I could get outside, I would be in the clear. I could steal a cloak to hide my face! This was a medieval dating sim–as was evident by the princes and shit. Next thing you know, in typical medieval-themed webcomic fashion, a poorly drawn horse is going to make an appearance, growing more ambiguous and unrecognizable as the panels go on...
It wasn’t as though 'the Authorities' would chase me down in a car. Not that I could outrun a (grotesquely drawn) horse...
They weren’t gonna shoot me down with a gun. Not that I could outrun a sword any better than a bullet...
I’m just saying that I feel like I have a chance at escaping here! Stop questioning me! And, most importantly, I feel like Erin would have tried to escape. No one wants to stay put when you tell them to stay put, dammit.
I leapt out of bed and took to the window. The top floor, as I’d suspected, was more like the third floor. It was just high enough to be daunting, but not high enough that I’d risk death. Maybe a broken leg, if I fell really poorly, but I felt confident I would be okay. Probably just… very bruised.
The window opened easily, and then I was scooting my ass along the ledge, trying to mentally prepare myself for the jump. The whisper of cool wind on my face and threading through my hair reminded me of where I was. This wasn’t real, but it felt real. I know, realistically, that this is all some fever dream, or drug-induced-euphoria of some kind, but it feels like I’m really about to fall off this ledge and break my face.
I carefully slid off the ledge and fell as gracefully as one could expect from a sophomore in college who’s daily activity amounted to maybe some stretching—from my desk chair to my mini fridge.
I hit the ground hard. It knocked the wind out of me, and then I was rolling. The hospital must have been on a hill, because my ankle gave out beneath me and I was rolling, I tell you, into the forest surrounding the building.
I hit a tree to stop my momentum, and that knocked my organs around a bit, but also didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. My ankle was fucked, but otherwise, I seemed okay. Thanks to the adrenaline, I didn’t really feel much pain yet.
I limped my way into town. The hospital had just been off a trail into the woods, so the village nearby wasn’t difficult to find. It was bustling with life—children and animals and adults alike. It was just… weird. Knowing that all of these families… weren’t real. They were all in my head. Made-up NPCs that had probably spawned to life when I came within earshot of the village.
As I passed a clothing line, I snagged a cloak and threw it on. It was still damp from whomever had washed it, but a little water never hurt anyone.
Don’t ask me how I didn’t get caught. I think some of Erin’s thieving traits were passed onto me, because somehow, I just knew the best neighborhood to find clothing in at this time of day, and it was thanks to some nebulous instincts in the back of my head that I could tell when I was being watched, and the very second that watcher looked away—so I could rob them.
As I wandered the village, I wondered to myself: ‘If this is all a dream, or a figment of my imagination… do I control things?’ I tried to turn a tree stump into a vending machine (ya bitch is hungry), but nothing happened. And then I wondered, ‘If this is my own dream, am I following a plot that I made up for myself? In that case, nothing bad can happen to me, right? Why would I dream of failing?’ Maybe that was why I hadn’t gotten caught when escaping; because I willed it so?
I couldn’t think of another rational alternative for all of this, but convincing myself this was all under my own control wasn’t actually helping, since I didn’t feel like I was in control, which was worse. If someone gives you a massive responsibility that you don’t feel capable of taking responsibility for, then that’s just stressful! If you’re scared and someone says, ‘This is all your own doing, you have to get yourself out of it,’ that doesn’t help at all!
“Is that…?”
“No, it can’t be!”
“But that distinctive red hair…”
My ears prickled at the poor whispering, and I unconsciously tugged my hood further down my face.
As a typical antagonist in these types of games, while the protagonist was very beautiful, pure, and ‘cute’, the appeal of the antagonist was sinister and sultrier in nature.
The protagonist was a pale woman with incredibly long blonde hair and incredibly wide, bright blue eyes. Very petite, very quaint.
Erin, on the other hand, had dark skin, bobbed red hair, and dark, narrow, catlike eyes. She had the figure of the kind of woman you’d see in a wet-dream—the kind of figure you only saw in anime, and ridiculous cartoons.
I didn’t know if it was the double Z-cup tits (listen, my back was already aching), the red hair, or the hospital gown that was attracting the attention of the random passersby, but I knew I couldn’t stick around long. Pulling my cloak tighter around himself, I picked up the pace, only cringing every other time I stepped on my swollen ankle.
I rested in an alley for a little while. Partially because I needed to rest the aforementioned shattered ankle, and partially because I had nowhere else to go. I couldn’t afford to stay at an inn, and even if I made it so I could (AKA, thievery), I had a bounty on my head, didn’t I? I'd be recognized the second I walked in!
Damn it, Erin! How can you claim to be a good thief when you’re so attention-catching!?
“The woods are so beautiful this time of year.”
I could hear a couple women conversing, their voices growing louder as they approached the opening to the alleyway.
“I would love to live up there… If only…”
“I know, I know.”
“That damned wizard!”
“Shhh! You never know where his magic can reach you! He’s cursed the forest, and the trees have ears…”
Their conspiratorial voices grew quieter as they passed the alley and continued on, completely unaware of the presence that had been eavesdropping from within. I knew how to—Erin knew how to do this. How to remain hidden, even during the day.
“Still! How can he control the entire forest? Our King can’t get rid of him?”
“Maybe it’s not a question of strength. Perhaps they compromised? The Crown stays out of the forest, and he doesn’t curse our village in return?”
“Here’s to hoping!”
And then they were out of earshot.
Was that… character exposition? Conveniently, just for me? A deus ex machina character for yours truly, to get me out of danger?
Thank you, Plot Gods!
Naturally, I began making my way into the woods. There was a slight chance this fabled wizard was in cahoots with the Crown, in which I would surely be captured so he could collect the bounty on my head. But, there was also a chance this wizard was being sent from the Plot Gods directly down to me, and he would be my savior!
I wasn’t sure if ‘the trees have ears’ was an idiom of some kind, or literal, so I was quiet as I made my trek deeper into the forest. I wasn’t 100% sure where the wizard was, as the trees were too tall for me to make out any kind of tower, but I was trusting in my—or, Erin’s—feet to guide me. The forest could only be so big, right?
The decision must have been the right one—or, my magical mind willed it so—because I found the wizard’s abode after a mere few hours of walking. It wasn’t a stone tower, as I had imagined, but an entire castle! It looked abandoned for sure, but there were lit candles in some of the windows, and it emanated a… friendly warmth? I don’t know how to explain it. The castle felt as though it was beckoning me, though perhaps I was just projecting due to my relief that I’d finally reached my destination after so long of aimless wandering.
Aimless wandering. For hours. On a shattered. Ankle.
I hobbled right up to the double wooden doors and began a-knocking. Why waste any more time?
Nothing happened, so I knocked again, and again. I considered banging on it—maybe the wizard wasn’t close enough to hear my polite rapping?–but this castle felt… alive. I didn’t want to bang on it if I didn’t have to.
I leaned close to the door and pressed my ear against it. Nothing. I didn’t hear anything from inside the castle.
I frowned at the doors, the only things separating me from home and comfort.
I leaned in closely again and, acting on a whim, whispered to the doors, “You’ll let me in, won’t you?” Again, nothing happened (of course), but it had been worth a shot! The house felt weird and sentient and knowing, so why not try talking to it? Maybe I looked a little stupid, but no one was around to know-
The doors swung open, and I had to leap backwards and out of the way to stop from getting smacked by them.
My whispering plan had worked!
Then I realized there was a haggard looking old man in the entrance, and felt immediately embarrassed. There was no way he’d heard me whispering to the door… right? He opened it because he’d heard my knocking, right?
“What do you want?” rattled the old man.
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