He had on a classic wizard hat—pointy, wide-brimmed, and sagging a little—and a long robe. I didn’t see him holding a wand or a staff, but then again, I couldn’t see his hands at all since they were hidden in the abundance of cloth that was his robe. The brim of his pitifully flaccid hat drooped into his face and hid his eyes, only exposing his ridiculously large nose, which gave way to a long, white mustache, coupled with his long, white beard.
If one imagined a wizard, this was the little old man that came to mind! That said, did I conjure this character into existence? That would explain the appearance (I’m not that creative, okay?). Or, was this character already pre-set in this imaginary universe?
“I’d like to seek shelter,” I announced, and the old man began shakily shuffling around a bit. When I realized he was making movements to shut the doors in my face, I rushed over, gripping the doors before they could shut me out. “Wait, wait, wait! You didn’t even listen to my story!”
“I do not accept beggars,” rasped the old man.
I felt my eyebrow tick. What a stingy old bastard. “You live in this giant ass castle on your own, don’t you?” I complained, not bothering to keep up the polite pretense since he wasn’t either. “Come on, old man, let me in! I just need to hide out for a couple days.”
“I do not accept criminals,” the old man said instead, his old arms shaking with the strain to shut the door against my grip.
I gaped, surprised he knew of my record. Since the jig was up, I shook the hood off my head and sneered down at him, revealing my whole face. As an antagonist character, I knew my sneer would look suitably intimidating. Narrowing my eyes and snarling, baring my teeth, I’m sure I looked downright scary. “I’m not gonna rob you. I don’t want anything from you, aside from a place to stay for a few days. You’re going to leave a defenseless girl alone in the woods all night?”
The old man said nothing, still laboring to force the doors shut. He was trembling with the effort, his old muscles not used to the work. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just use his magic to force me out…
I sighed and stepped back, releasing my hold and allowing him to pull the doors.
What-the-fuck-ever. I didn’t want to fight an old man just for a place to stay. This was a dating sim! There weren’t any major character deaths, so I knew I would be fine. I could sleep in the woods for a few days, if I had to. I was sure it’d be fine…
The old man hadn’t quite shut the door, still peering at me through the crack.
Or, so I guessed. I couldn’t see his eyes from beneath his bushy eyebrows, but I got the distinct impression he was trying to gauge my level of sincerity.
“I don’t accept villagers,” the old man wheezed, still watching me.
“Then don’t.” I shoved my hands in the pockets of my robe and kicked at a nearby stone.
“That’s the deal, I can’t—villagers aren’t allowed in the woods.”
“I don’t want your fuckin’ help anymore,” I grumbled, dramatic pout set to maximum intensity, and settled into a crouch. I wrapped my arms around my knees and just sort of stayed there, feeling miserable. Marinating in my annoyance. I didn’t know what else to do, dammit! This wizard was supposed to be my ex machina! I felt strangely... bereft and cheated. I'd hiked through the woods! On a fucked ankle! I'd gotten my hopes up!
I still hadn’t heard the door shut, and when I looked over my shoulder, the old man seemed to be hesitating.
I turned away with a harrumph, because what else could I do? He should feel bad! I wasn’t asking for much. He didn’t need to feed me or anything. He couldn’t afford to throw me into an empty room that no one was using anyway? He had an. Entire. Castle!
“Wait,” said the man, sounding resigned, but his voice was a little… strange.
I didn’t turn around. I stayed crouched, like a turtle, looking out into the woods.
“Hey, kid,” the wizard called again, sounding annoyed, but (again) his voice was weird.
I yelped when I felt a large hand grip my skinny arm—anime anatomy, I tell you. That’s the only way Erin, with tits like that and a body like woah, could feasibly be so thin. No woman could realistically have this figure! No one’s out here with ample fat in their chest and ass, and none in their waist or arms… but I digress.
I was hauled up by the arm, and when I turned—there's no way that old man was tall enough or strong enough to nearly lift me off the ground—it was to see bright brown eyes thick, dark eyelashes.
I screamed (of course), because who the fuck was this guy? And flailed.
The man put me down, and then my ankle pulsed with red, hot, heady pain, and I promptly wilted back against him anyway.
“Sorry,” I said, followed by, “Who the fuck are you?” And then I remembered that was rude, so I followed it with another, “Sorry.”
“Come in,” he sighed, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders (or, like I was real pain in the ass), and began dragging me inside the castle.
“Where’s the old man?” I asked, limping after him willingly. New guy was hot.
“That’s my disguise,” this decidedly much younger man said. He couldn’t be more than 30. Probably. Anime logic, remember? You really can’t tell ages. Watch this guy be like 15.
He had long black hair—up to his shoulders, which was pretty long for most guys, right?–and the kind of height that people only dreamed about. He was tall, nearly towering over me, and built. Nothing like the feeble old man I saw before. This guy looked like he lived at the gym. There was no way one got muscles like that just from chopping wood to heat your castle… right? Then again, this was an otome game. All hot guys had to be rich, incredibly attractive, and incredibly toned for no apparent reason.
For example: there’ll be a butcher’s son with eight-pack abs. Listen: I know gym-rats. Back in the real world, I’ve been friends with them. And every single one of them knows that you don’t get abs unless you work to get abs intentionally. None of this ‘oh, I just do yard work on the farm to support my family and have rippling abdominals from hoeing the dirt’ bullshit. Why do all guys in these games have such nice physiques?? From just existing???
Anyway. This old-man-not-old-man was very hot. I hadn’t seen much of his face since he was mostly dragging me around, but from his body-alone, I knew he would be considered attractive by most people. He was like a tall, muscled… Well. A tall, muscled guy. A giant, really. When his cloak billowed just right and I got a peek at his legs, his thighs looked massive, thick like fucking tree trunks. That kind of built. Don’t even get me started on the sheer size of what he was packing—from what I could tell through his frumpy trousers, mind you.
The wizard stopped pulling and turned to regard to me.
I finally got a good look at his face. His eyes were sharp and narrowed. He had honey brown eyes, which looked even brighter in contrast to his dark eyebrows and hair. His eyelashes were so thick, as most guys’ eyelashes were. He had stubble along his killer jawline, and I could tell he was grinding his teeth a bit by the flexing in his jaw. His lips were thin and pursed in a way that suggested he wasn’t thinking something very nice.
“You’re not going to ask me anything?” he asked tersely.
I blinked. Oh? “I can?” I asked.
He scowled at me. “I’m a strange man dragging you into a desolated chamber. I pretended to be an old man, earlier.”
Hot guys can… admittedly get away with a lot. Had the stingy old man been the one (attempting to) drag me into his castle, I’d have been kicking and screaming for sure.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Solomon,” said the wizard.
“Is that your first or last?” I asked, already trying to come up with a cuter nickname. Sol was kinda cute. That meant sun in Spanish, right? Solo… Soloman. Salamander. Haha.
“Does it matter?” sighed the wizard.
“Choose wisely, because I’m going to call you Sol for the rest of our time together,” I advised.
He frowned at me. “You’re not scared. In the least. Of what I could do to you?”
I was going to respond with something thirsty as hell along the lines of, ‘you can do whatever you want to me, baby,’ but decided against it. Rationally speaking, this guy could crack my head like an egg. I’m sure he could break my spine like a toothpick, he was that jacked. Honestly, I’m surprised such a meathead was even in this game, considering the main dating-partners (the princes) were all rather vanilla. They looked, well, princely. Well-trimmed hair, tall and toned, but still lithe. Solomon here, on the other hand, looked like a bear. Very husky, and I’d bet my fucked ankle that he was a hairy guy beneath all these clothes. He looked manly, unlike the ‘cute’ guys the princess had going for her.
“I figured you were trying to run me off earlier because you were worried about me,” I admitted. “Because you said villagers aren’t allowed here, right? So, I could get in trouble? A mean guy wouldn’t worry about that sort of thing, so I figured you’re… trustworthy?” Damn, this cheesy shit was harder to say with a straight face than I thought it would be. Anime protagonists say it all the time though! “I was fully prepared to sleep outside, but you’re giving me a roof to sleep under, right?”
Solomon looked mulish for a bit, but then seemed grudgingly accepting of my answer (somehow, it worked?). Really, it was because this is an otome game! Real crime doesn’t exist in these sort of things, so I didn’t have anything to fear from him.
“I… apologize for my earlier behavior,” he gruffed. “I judged you on your appearance alone, which wasn’t fair of me.”
I looked down at myself (listen, I’m still new to my appearance too, okay?) to try and figure out what he meant by that.
He seemed to notice my confusion-cum-insult, because he hastened to explain: “I have a compromise with the King to stay out of Crown business, and the Crown stays out of mine. I can’t have villagers picking my side over their King, so I don’t want people to come up here and like it. I didn’t think a young woman such as yourself would have any interest in staying with a mean old man of her own volition, so I assumed you were only trying to take advantage of the rumored old wizard, which is why I acted that way. It seems I have misjudged you, and for that I apologize.”
They were pretty words and all, but this was just another example of dating-sim flowery dialogue. In literally what way had I proved to him that I didn’t want to take advantage of an old man? Because I had said I didn’t want his help anymore? What if all of that had been an act!? Living alone in a castle in the woods has made you gullible, Solomon! You’re lucky I’m not someone worse, like a thie- oh, wait.
“But you still decided to trust a criminal?” I asked, half teasing.
Solomon blinked a few times in confusion, then, “Oh, when I said that, it was because—you said something along the lines of ‘hide away for a while,’ which sounded suspiciously like you were on the run. I do not genuinely believe you seem dangerous.” He offered me a small smile, likely trying to placate me.
Oh, Solomon. My poor, gullible host. Don’t be distracted by this rack. I am dangerous. A criminal right under his nose.
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