The clock on the wall ticked away the minutes.
Fen waited and sank into the soft leather couch with sleepiness brought on from yesterday’s work.
He closed his eyes just for a moment.
And he saw him standing there against the darkness behind his eyelids, waiting.
“Fen?”
His eyes snapped open and he looked up as Dr. Yeung stepped out of her office with a smile. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” He said, exchanging his own smaller smile as he followed her into the office.
Like always, they took a seat across from each other, a glass table between them. On it, there was a box of tissues and a bowl candy, bottles of water and a small bonsai tree growing from small pebbles in a clay vase. Dr. Yeung kept the windows open, letting in the warm breeze and the sunlight. Occasionally, the petals from surrounding magnolia trees fell onto the window sills and carpet, giving the room a sweet fragrance.
At first, it was frightening, a safe place with an unsafe feeling. A fear that crumbled once Dr. Yeung reached out and made her intentions clear, and she wasn’t what he expected in a therapist, she wasn’t bound by titles and formalities. Today she had on a loose, hand-sewn skirt with a flowing white shirt, beaded necklaces of unmatched colors hung from her neck and strands of her wild curls were decorated with shiny threads. She sat comfortably, not properly, with her legs pulled up and tucked close.
“Were you able to sleep the other night after we talked?” She asked gently.
“I was…thanks.” He leaned against the chair, his fingers toying with the beads of his bracelet. “It got better once my boyfriend got home.” Sometimes, when he lost to the dark and woke up in cold sweat with no way to breathe, he’d call her and she’d talk him through it all.
“How’s he doing? Vic?”
“Better, a lot better. His last withdraw symptom was a few weeks ago and his sponsor said the worse is pretty much over,” Fen smirked and smiled a little as he looked down at his fidgeting hands. “I was worried because he…had such a hard time finding a job. With his background and appearance, it bothered him since he didn’t want me to support us alone. But, luckily, this morning he got a call from the temp agency about a job at a repair shop. And it was nice to see him so happy.”
“That’s great!” Dr. Yeung shifted a little, crossing her ankles and lacing her fingers together against her knees, looking to him with that close, but peaceful stare “And you?”
“Work is tough, but everyone is really nice and they’re patient too, which is great because I make a lot of mistakes,” Fen answered, then a sudden smile and a quick laugh escaped him. “I think the hardest part is going on break and watching everyone else have a cigarette.”
Dr. Yeung chuckled with him, nodding in understanding as a former smoker herself. “I know that feeling all too well.”
After they finished laughing, she spoke again.
“What else?”
He fell silent and glanced up at her.
She waited.
And when he didn’t speak for several moments, she waited some more.
Finally, he inhaled gently.
“About…our last session. I…couldn’t do what you asked.” His expression tensed a bit.
“Come, my dear,” The smell of blood. “Come to me.”
“That’s alright,” She responded kindly. “All you have to do it take things slowly, try standing near the window at twilight or watching the sunset from your porch. Do you remember what I told you to repeat?”
“Show me your neck.”
A pain jolted under the scars of his neck and he shuddered, trying to rub away the pain from that tender spot. “The dark can’t...hurt me.”
Dr. Yeung smiled and Fen forced a small smile of his own, but knowing this might not be a fear she could help him conquer. He hadn’t gone out after dark in months, too afraid of seeing that angelic smile and those white fangs.
“The dark isn’t something to be afraid of, Fen.”
He swore it felt like someone licked his scars and he shivered.
“By nature, we’re all just a little afraid of who or what might be waiting for us in those shadows, be it real people or the boogeyman.” She continued.
A moan echoed somewhere in his memory and he recalled a painful kiss forced onto him by cold hands.
“Just try to remember that whatever you think is hiding out there, it’s nothing a call to the police can’t handle.”
Claws tearing through skin, blood against the concrete, a snapped neck, a hellish groan.
“Y-Yeah…I know.” He answered, but his voice came out too soft.
He wanted to believe her. And he wanted to tell her everything.
About the dark, about Gabriel, things he knew she wouldn’t believe even if she said differently.
Maybe, someday, he might try to explain, but for now, he liked to imagine it had all been a bad dream. And those wicked thoughts vanished for the time being.
Dr. Yeung was quiet, she always let him control the silence if he needed it. Maybe the only exception was times when she knew he was forcing things back, important things, like the guilt for killing his mom and sister. It was the only time she ever pushed and rose her voice, talking over the sobbing as he cried for their forgiveness by telling him it wasn’t his fault, it was a tragic accident he didn’t need to carry on his shoulders anymore.
That day, he didn’t think he’d ever stop crying.
“I’ve been thinking…about my dad a lot lately.” Fen bit his thumb nervously.
“What about him has him on your mind?”
“The night I left, I’d never seen him that wasted or that mad,” Fen laughed to himself slightly as his eyes grew wet. He knew better. “No, not mad, enraged…furious. He looked broken like he lost everything he'd ever loved. And yeah, we did, we lost my mom and Diana. But…I was still there, I needed him to help me heal, I needed my dad to tell me everything would be okay and we could start moving on together because my mom would’ve wanted that. I thought we needed each other, but instead, we fought. He blamed everything on me and I’ve been hearing that blame for years on repeat.”
She listened.
“I thought it might be easier to move on if I was able to talk to him. I wondered what kind of man he’d be if I saw him again, would he be the man I admired and loved or the drunk who chased me out? But, when I remembered that night in detail…I decided I never want to find out.” Fen closed his eyes. “And I don’t need him to heal. I have Vic for that…and I have you too.”
He looked up and she was smiling.
“Yes, you do, Fen.” She leaned forward and pushed the tissue box closer to him. “When you're ready, why don’t you tell me something fun about your mom and your sister?”
Fen took one of the tissues and nodded, smiling as he sat back into the chair.
And finally, he relaxed.
When the session was over, he bid her good-bye and promised to see her next week.
Outside, the sky was bright and painted with white clouds, the wind brushed against him with the smell of freshly cut grass and magnolia blossoms. Fen looked up, soaking in the sun’s light until he heard a voice.
“Fen!”
He saw Vic standing at the bottom of the steps next to the parked truck. The shirt he had on earlier was replaced with the repair shop's uniform button-up. He had the sleeves rolled up so the fabric fitted nicely around the muscles of his arms and exposed the long scar from his surgery a few months ago.
“Say hello to your sexy Automotive Repair Expert.” He said with a big grin.
Fen descended toward him, laughing a little. “Don’t you mean creepy mechanic?”
Vic opened his arms and embraced Fen tightly.
“I think that’s a promotion, and I hear it comes with a rundown shop in the middle of nowhere and my very own chair I can sit on while directing unsuspecting teenagers to their doom.” Vic kissed Fen’s head and his forehead, then making a goofy noise when he blew a raspberry on Fen’s cheek, forcing a louder laugh from him.
They laughed together then kissed softly.
The two of them got into the truck and Vic started it. “Have a good talk?” He asked, resting his arm behind Fen’s head.
“Always,” He responded and laid back against the seat, against Vic’s arm.
This new city wasn’t perfect, their apartment was small, and money was tight.
But they were healing, they were forgetting, and they were together.
And everything was good.
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