Michael and Em were making small talk in the lunch line, discussing the food being served and which bits to avoid at all cost. They were both chuckling and turned to go to their table. Michael seemed to take it in stride, but Em stopped and watched.

At their table Tani and Iris were teaching Raina and Noa some dance moves, all were singing along to some KPop song as the group fumbled around. Vocally, Raina dominated the group, but with the dancing, Raina and Noa were poor imitations of Iris and Tani. The singing stopped and Noa stepped up and attempted the rap, but dissolved into unintelligible giggles. Em was struck by Noa’s smile. It wasn’t the sweet, caring smile Noa gave Ciel, it was pure joy, with the light dancing in their eyes.

Em forced himself to breathe again, and took a couple quick steps to catch up with Michael. He forcefully pushed away his thoughts on Noa’s smile as he sat down in the seat beside Michael. He smiled at the group casually, avoiding actually looking at Noa. “Michael, can you sing too?” he asked nonchalantly as he picked at his lunch.

“Not that KPop crap,” Michael earned a kick in the shin from Iris. “But I do ok when I audition for the school musical.” He squared his shoulders and lifted his head a little higher in a mock brag.

“Ok, no KPop for you then.” Em chuckled lightly.

“You like it?” Michael was genuinely shocked given Em’s gruff, masculine style.

“Eh, music is music,” Em shrugged. “I enjoy a good dance beat as much as I enjoy a soulful ballad. I just don’t sing or dance well, so don’t ask.” He grinned and shook his head.

“You’re fine,” Melly piped up. “As long as we have these four we will never want for entertainment.”

Noa stuck their tongue out at Melly, but their smile still hadn’t faded. Em looked away again until Noa spoke, “I am sure Tani could teach you a few moves, Em.” Noa’s body language indicated they were joking around, but something in their eyes made Em feel like he was being pushed away.

Tani covered her face as she blushed, “Hush! Noa!” as Iris elbowed Noa and shook her head. Noa rolled their eyes and mouthed “whatever” to their friends. Michael sputtered around his straw as he had been taking a drink. He held back his comment, and looked to Em.

Em took a measured breath before responding, “No, that’s ok, I’ve got all the moves I need to get what I want.” He was looking at Noa when they looked up and right into his eyes. His face warmed as he watched a blush creeped over Noa’s cheeks.

Noa narrowed their eyes at Em, “Yeh, ok, whatever,” and turned their attention back to their lunch. Marceau followed suit and focused on his food as Melly and Raina dragged Michael into a conversation about their afternoon classes.

Iris watched Noa carefully, and thought about pulling Marceau aside. She knew Noa would hate for her to get involved, but watching the cis/het boy nettle her best friend was not going to keep happening. She made light conversation with everyone, but sent a text to Em.

Iris: Can we talk after everyone else leaves?

Em had stayed quiet since the interaction and didn’t even look up when responding.

Marceau: Yeh.

Michael tried to stay by Em but Iris shooed him off as everyone else left. She switched to the chair Ciel would have normally been in and faced Em.

“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea about Noa,” Iris started.

“They don’t like me, it’s fine.”

Iris could tell it wasn’t fine, he looked hurt. “Just don’t take it personally. They’ve had issues before,” Iris hesitated, “I sh-shouldn’t tell you…”

Em stood up and looked down at Iris, “Then don’t.” He looked up for a moment and then took his bag and his tray and left.

Iris turned around to see Noa looking at her, their brow was creased, angry tears were pooling in their eyes. They turned and left Iris to sit there alone.

Noa jogged to catch up with Em. They snagged him by the shoulder turning him around to face them. “Hey, what was that all about?”

“That was Iris’ mistake.” Em softened a little taking note of the unshed tears in Noa’s eyes. “Look, Noa, I know I bother you, and I don’t know why, but I don’t wanna hear about it from Iris.” Noa’s smile flashed in his memory and he stepped away from them. “I’ll find other friends, just please, don’t push Ciel away.” Em turned and left as the bell rang.

Noa was done with the day. They turned and started walking down the hall to leave the school. Iris tried to stop them when she saw, but they just shouldered past and stormed off. Out the main doors, blowing by a few teachers, and onto the walkway that lead to NBH. Their vision went blurry and their throat clogged, but they refused to actually cry. They stalked past some security officers and other students, coming to a stop only long enough to swipe their keycard for NBH. Once inside they managed to unlock their room door despite shaking like crazy. They dropped everything on the floor and dove into their bed, where they were determined to stay the rest of the day.

Hours later, Noa started to wake up from their impromptu nap. They heard Em’s voice in the hall, but couldn’t make out what was being said. They figured he was probably on the other side of the glass doors. Stay out, they thought, don’t come in here. They held their breath and listened for Ciel’s door to open and shut. Once it did and Noa felt reasonably sure Em was nowhere near them, they relaxed once again.

Noa shed their uniform and stepped into the shower. The hot water washed away the tension, but not the memories. Trevor had been taller than Noa in 9th grade. With golden blonde hair and blue eyes that could melt a glacier, Noa wasn’t sure now, looking back, how they had thought he’d actually been interested in them. Trevor always had friends, and girls, and was the center of so much attention. When he approached Noa, asking about their life, their family, classes, friends, pretty much anything but their gender, they thought he was interested in Noa as a person. Even when Iris told Noa there was no way, they held onto the hope that Trevor really liked them.

After weeks of long conversations, and random walks together, Trevor asked Noa to go on a date. They got passes and went to town on a Saturday afternoon. Noa felt like they were floating the entire time. After lunch and the arcade, Trevor suggested a movie. Inside the theater he got Noa popcorn and soda, even some candy, the full date treatment.

What Noa didn’t know, is that Trevor wanted the full date treatment too. About thirty minutes into the movie, Trevor pulled Noa into a kiss, a far more passionate kiss than Noa had imagined their first kiss would be. They tried to go along with it, but soon Trevor was also tugging at Noa’s clothes and trying to explore their chest and groin. Noa pulled out of the embrace so fast the soda and popcorn went all over both of them. Trevor started shouting at Noa, calling them dumb clumsy. Noa got out of the seats and ran out of the theater. They didn’t really know the full effect of what happened until Iris called them later that night.

All of a sudden everyone at school was talking about Noa and they all knew they were a Genetically Modified Non-Binary person. Trevor made it known that Noa had no genitalia, and was telling everyone that Noa was a soulless genetic mutation. The school and Noa’s parents took action, of course, but no one could undo what had happened. The keycard lock was installed in NBH so that Noa could feel safe. The Diversity Initiative was brought back to life (previously the school had DI to combat racism.)

Noa tried to be strong. They revealed their truth through the DI meetings, in hopes to dispel the rumors. They told the story of how their parents struggled with infertility at a time when doctors were making huge strides in genetics with embryos and infertility treatments. Their parents were among one of the few test groups who had opted to have Genetically Modified Non-binary children. In their small study group, four out of the five children expressed their gender fairly early in life. Noa, however, was always both, or none, depending on the day. Even watching Iris transition to a female, Noa just couldn’t choose.

The hot water washed away hot tears as Noa tried to calm down. They started listing facts in their mind to fight the waves of anxious paranoia. Marceau isn’t Trevor. He doesn’t even look like Trevor. He probably understands it’s rude to talk about what genitalia an enby has, right? He wouldn’t want anyone doing that to Ciel. He’s a good big brother. He literally hasn’t done anything to me. Actually when Iris was about to tell him what happened he stopped her. He said it, right? He doesn’t wanna hear it from Iris.

They turned off the water and dried off. They pulled on some soft shorts and an oversized t-shirt for sleeping. Noa was hungry, and although it was dinner time, they didn’t want to see Em right now, or Iris. Especially Iris. They wanted to apologize, but weren’t sure how. They sat on their bed hugging a unicorn plushie.

Em’s voice came again, it sounded like he was still outside the locked doors, but Noa became anxious again. So loud, they thought. It stopped, but then came a knock on Noa’s door.

They held their breath. The knock came again. “Wh-who is it?” they called out, not really loud enough.

“Just me,” Ciel responded.

“Oh, I’m coming,” Noa wiped a stray tear from their cheek and padded over to the door in their bare feet. They opened it carefully to see Ciel standing there alone with instant ramen cups.

“Did you have a hard day too?” they asked so innocently.

“Yeh,” Noa nodded quietly.

“Want some ramen with me?” they offered one of the cups and nodded towards the kitchen.

Noa smiled the tiniest of smiles, “yeh.”