When I heard about him again, I wasn't surprised. I didn't know him very well. He was my high school classmate's boyfriend who had fallen in love online and lived in our provincial capital. I met the man with a round face and no big eyes. I told my high school classmates that I didn't like him. His appearance made me feel strange.

        Originally I was not familiar with this classmate, she is not good-looking, face has some small freckles, a little fat, with neat bangs. She has no friends, and I have no friends, and occasionally she walks with me on purpose, but I don't want to be her friend. I knew she had low self-esteem about her looks, body and family environment, but I was also in a bad state of mind at that time. I could not save her or help her, so it was the right thing to do not to be her friend.

        She told me she was in love, and on a social platform called Shouxin, she showed me, which is similar to MSN, and I was just surprised that there was such a retro software in this era. The girl's mind and body grow faster than the boy forever, that man 22 years old, come over from the provincial capital city to see her, then have no money, fell asleep in the Internet bar still be cast the only remaining more than 100 yuan. She said she wanted to see the man, and I didn't have any Suggestions, just told her that I didn't dare to fall in love right now， I might become a PTSD patient.

        What happened to her afterwards with the man I don't know, what I'm sure is that she had sex with the man. In those days, she always liked to come to me after class and talk with me about some interesting things about her love, which of course was only in her eyes. Later, she began to make tentative and private conversation with me, such as asking me, "if you had a boyfriend, would you sleep with him?" "I have a friend is not a virgin, you said later will not be abandoned by someone, will not get married out of it."

        I didn't answer her question, just looked at her coldly, I told her: "your grades are better than me, the exam is coming."

        After the shift, I had no contact with her. Then I was in a bad state of mind, always fantasizing about those girls with social youth in the back of me, and then want to harm me. If I could, I'd like to push zhan qian to the ground like the bullies in "the witch" and then throw a bunch of tampons on her, then record the video and release it publicly in front of everyone. I can't do these things, and she can't be a witch.

         After two years in the city where it doesn't snow, I returned to the small city. She got my WeChat from someone, and she told me that if she was free, she wanted to invite me to dinner. I wanted to excuse myself, but I finally kept the appointment. I don't like to keep friends with my former classmates very much. My former classmates get together and ask about the current situation and the future, and recall more about the past days. For me, the previous days are not good, I do not want to recall, just like my junior high school classmates contact me, will ask me and green my boy contact? And then sigh the beauty of first love and youth. Each time I would reply, "I wish he were dead," and then silence them with a piece of their dark history.

        When I met her, she was still in plain dress, with a lot less freckles. "You are prettier than before," I said to her.

        "You too, you often go to Hong Kong to play, now the style of dress is really like Hong Kong people, but you also used to wear more sportswear." She was polite, and then there was a long silence.

         What she has in common with me is that she does not like to talk, and chatting is the most awkward. Two people who do not like to talk sit together and look at each other, but they also feel quite comfortable.

         "Do you remember my last boyfriend?" she asked.

         "Remember"

         "We Sex again."

         "The expected thing"

         "Yes, I accepted it, but I still feel bad, either because I like the way he feels, or because I feel angry and resentful," she said, her voice quickening as she spoke.

         "I know you had sex, but there is no way to change what has happened, and no one in today's society will call you names or hate you."

         "Maybe, but then you left school, and I had a fight with my mother that summer, and then I went to the provincial capital to find him, and we went to bed again."

         "And then he dumped you?"

         "No, it was the second day of my period."

         I looked at her eyes, staring at her hard, the second day of the period is the largest amount of time, I still remember when I used to work in the shop, the second day of each period will be painful to stand up. She thought I was going to call her a fool and criticize and influence her in the sight of god. I didn't. I told her I could understand how she felt, even though I hadn't experienced it.

         Inferiority is the most terrible, not everyone knows to care, more is a matter of course to enjoy the inferiority personality brought ingratiation and grace, and then too much of it, is the spiritual attack. There is a kind of slave in SM SM called "mind slave", which is used for brainwashing and mind control. My former boyfriend also likes to beat me up, such as my low education, my clothes are always the same, or he thinks his mother will dislike me.

         I wounded him and obtained a psychiatric certificate. The self-abasement and cowardice that I had endured evaporated as I worked. This love I do not admit, there is no love and green feeling, I am not happy, he is not happy. But I taught him the most poisonous woman's heart and not to reason with the mentally ill, and he also taught me that no one would like me.

         The girl's boyfriend later found her again, told her that he still liked her and wanted to be with her. The foolish woman believed again, and again she went alone by train to the capital city. Then when the man was about to have sex with her, she said she was scared and had a seizure, and the man fell asleep without comforting her or hugging her. From then on, she said, she decided it would never happen again, and the man dropped her off at the bus stop the next day, even buying the ticket himself.

          Later, a woman added her QQ and told her not to seduce other people's boyfriends. She looked at the woman's location and instantly understood what was going on. She said the girl was not like her. I believe so. She's standing tall and pretty. What made her most desperate was that the man told his girlfriend in the provincial capital that he and his female classmates were not familiar, but had met twice. The man then humiliated her, saying that women who couldn't even have sex couldn't have babies. When I said this, I laughed. She knew I wasn't making fun of her. I laughed at the man's ignorance and cruelty.

         I joked, "is he a gynecologist?" Instead of insulting the man and comforting her, we talked about other topics. This Spring Festival, she and I agreed to a new party time, still only me and her. But because of the virus, I can only hide at home, I don't want to know and won't ask her, why she trusts me, tell me these many things, all I can do is listen to her and then keep secret.

         I became curious about the man, whose name I knew and who ran a sex toy business. All I could do was keep an eye on his company and try to spot any irregularities. I can't help it, but I'm glad he's dead, and his brains are all over the place after the drunk driving, and I hate sticky stuff, and things that have life in them.

         He died a horrible death, and so did his sister. He married an old stockbreeding man and died pregnant with his child. Soon after, the old man's mother and relatives began to make love for him again. He is only in his thirties, in the eyes of the fuck, still so young guy can not lose his wife, of course, string is also very important. I peeked into the social dynamics of the man's girlfriend in the provincial capital, and I forgot how long it had passed.

         At first glance, it seems to match. The man's city was the worst hit by the outbreak, and for days the city was locked down and people began stocking up on food and supplies. Social networking sites were filled with people crying and the news was full of daily reports of the number of people infected and the number of people dying. In the face of rising Numbers I've started callousness, the world is not too friendly for mental patients, I don't have enough medicine, also is unable to seek outside help, when I turn to community, the other people should vote to me out of this community, or to me in an unusual expression to point fingers.

         And then when I got to the outbreak information, I saw the familiar name, and I remembered the name of the man's father. Since the shareholders of his sex-health company were him and his father, it was always easy to go from one misfortune to another. His father caught the virus and then passed it on to his mother. They thought it was a common cold, and then they had a family dinner, and within 10 days they were all dead.

        When I noticed his online store later, it was closed. I think it was a complaint that we couldn't deliver the goods and then we closed the store. The news of the virus also made me nervous. When I woke up again, I seemed to see the man. He could not breathe and asked me for help. I tied him up and threw him into a trash can, then wheeled him away and walked down the street, ignoring his slapping. It was a lucid dream, and I told him that in my dream, I could do anything.

         The first time I used violence, I didn't think that someone taller and stronger than me would be like strangling a chicken in my hands. I suddenly understood the psychology of domestic violence and abnormal killer, and I felt like a judge and a hell messenger at that moment.

         Pour petrol through a hole in the top of the bin, light a match and throw it in. I just looked at the dumpster by the fire, I can't hear his whining. I've heard that after someone dies, his soul can't get away from him, and he keeps repeating the steps before he dies, getting hit by a car and spilling his brain, or being burned to death by gasoline, both of which are enough to torture him.

         When I met her again, I asked her if she still held her grudge. She said, "yes, but I have to move on." She no longer negative, this is my happy thing, if such a thing happened to me, I will take the old rural women's work tools and then go to his grave to dig, and spit a few sputum, as for will be retribution I do not know, after all, I am a bad person, dead may be a devil.