Kiss Me

Part Twenty

Walker

A new day after what felt like a whole new night. The snow had finally stopped and the sun was bright, blasting through the window of our cosy hotel room. And soon we'd be leaving and heading into the city. We're going to Henley and Aya's place. I'm looking forward to it, but maybe a small part of me was nervous about the rest of it. I'm usually a man full of confidence, but today I'm lacking said confidence. I'm meeting the people who have seen the darkest parts of Marcus and that kinda makes me nervous. Or was it because Marcus is nervous. He's been cradling the coffee I went and got him from the cafe this morning and just staring out the window. I needed to break his silence. "....Marcus."

"Yeah, sorry."

"Everything is packed," I said, staring at him. He turned to look at me and smiled, well barely a smile. Just a hint of one. "Shall we get going?"

"Sure. The snow has stopped, which is as good a sign as any to go now." He said, and peered again out of the window.

"You got that right," Marcus moved from his seated position at the window. He was slower than usual which made me think that he's definitely nervous. "I'll take the bags…"

"No," he said, cutting in. "I can take mine, just grab yours and go to the car. I'll check us out."

"Alright boss."

He chuckled. "You're so weird."

"I was programmed at birth to be weird, well that's what Kyle is always saying anyway."

"I think he's right." Giving me a cute grin, he grabbed his bag and led the way out of our room. We walked but didn't talk. He was thinking and I'd let him have this time for his thoughts. Marcus was the kind of guy that thought about a lot of things, sometimes it wasn't always a bad thing, he needed it but sometimes it was the worst place he could be, in his own head. He's an over thinker at times. Always thinking about the worst case scenario before even trying something out. Yet I'm happy, he's been more open with me which makes me fall even more, every time. Especially when it comes to nighttime activities. "I'll check us out." He mumbled as we made our way into the lobby. I nodded and took my leave, wrapping my coat around me as I held on to my bag. The car wasn't far, but fuck is it damn cold out.

I made my way across the parking lot and found the car covered in a deep layer of snow. "Shit," I moaned as I fumbled for the keys from my pocket. I hate the cold. I'd give anything to be somewhere hot and exotic right now. With one of those cocktails with little umbrellas.

"You look like you're having a hard time," Marcus called out coming towards me. "Let me." He grins and shoves his hand in my front pocket of my jeans.

"I can't guarantee the keys will be the only thing you grab." I smiled.

"Really," he said. "Got them."

"That's a real shame."

He chuckled. "Later."

"Later?" I question.

"Yep, Henley has a spare room."

Devious sneak. "I'm not sure they would like to hear you moaning my name."

He gave me another smile as we jumped in the car. "Or the other way around."

"I guess that's an option."

"It's the only option. For today at least," He was glowing as we made our way out. God! I love him so much. Being here. Finally together. Two years of wishing and it finally came true. "It's an hour drive, so if you're still tired, sleep a little because when we get there it will be crazy."

"I don't mind crazy, as long as it's with you."

"I'm happy to hear that." And honestly, after the morning of him looking like he'd have a nervous breakdown any second, he seemed a lot calmer now. So I slouched down in the seat and turned to watch white snow covered trees whizz past. I was calmer now, too.

As we got closer to our destination, Marcus quietly began pointing out places he'd been to and restaurants that cooked good food. He was cheerful and that made me think he definitely missed the place more than he'd ever let on. "Maybe we can try a restaurant out while we're here?" I said calmly, although I didn't want to side track him while he's in a good mood.

"Sure. Although Aya is an amazing cook." Is that his way of saying he didn't want to?

"Well, maybe we can all go together."

He froze a little, his shoulders tense. "All?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"By all do you mean, like everyone?"

"Yeah Marcus, everyone. It's better to get to know people in a social setting. Makes things less awkward."

"I see, maybe." He definitely doesn't want to. He sighed, deeply. Oops. "We'll be there soon."

"Great."

"Are you worried?" He asked. Worried? I guess I am. I've been arguing with myself all morning whether I'm worried or not. I guess I'm both. But I snorted instead and Marcus nodded so sincerely it made my heart ache. Yeah. He was a keeper. "I do love you Walker, and I'm worried too. I guess for you it's because so much is new….but, for me it's because it holds a lot that hurts."

"What happened?"

"I…"

I cut in. "Marcus. Tell me, please, even if it's just a little."

Fuck, he looked so down, almost lost. I know I shouldn't and I hate when he's in thinking mode. I should make a rule, no thinking, but not yet, after all of this I will. "We fought."

"Are you referring to Matt or Zeke?"

"Both. I beat Matt up."

"You beat him up?" I sniggered. "Are you twelve? You beat him up."

"Fucking idiot," Marcus smiled a little which warmed me. "Fine, I almost beat the shit out of him."

"But you didn't?"

"No, but my trusty baseball bat would have if he hadn't left my place."

I took another look at him, watching Marcus replay that moment. "Well, you talk now right?"

"Yeah, Matt was easier to forgive….Zeke, well that took longer."

"Why?"

"He smashed a plate in my face, in front of my sister."

"Jesus….why?"

"Is this a thousand and one question time?"

I grin. "Not a thousand. But if it gets to that I'll stop….so why did he smash a plate in your face?"

Marcus slowed the car and pulled into a side road. Rows of houses lined the street. Tall trees covered in winter snow made it look almost magical. Then he was staring at me, eyes unfocused and thinking. I know what he's like sometimes. A closed book. He didn't like talking about past things, but if either of us wanted this to work, we needed to be honest with each other, even if it hurts. Because sometimes talking about the things that hurt can also set you free. "My ex, Tom," he said. I'd already heard tidbits about the ex. "You know he's friends with the others?" I nodded. "Well, we started going out. I told him everything about me because I thought he was right for me, but it never was and Zeke hated it. Because I hurt Tom….sexually."

"The S and M stuff?" I asked.

"Yeah….Zeke hated it. And we fought over it. Tom put his friend first and we went our separate ways."

"Just like that?"

"Basically. Matt obviously stuck up for his husband, I got it, but I hated it. It felt like everyone was against me….no, Henley and Aya were the only ones that stood by me."

"That must have been hard for them?"

"It was. Matt and Henley have been friends since they were kids. In the end I chose to leave it all behind, hence the bar."

"Do you still think about hurting…." I paused for a moment. "Sexually?"

Marcus shook his head. I'm not sure if it was because he was saying I didn't do it anymore or if he was trying to shake the thoughts that he still thinks about it. Maybe I shouldn't have asked…"I do still think about it. It's hard not to. And to be honest I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay, no more."

He sighed. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you told me. At least I know what to expect now."

"Walker," he mumbled, and grabbed my hand, catching my attention. "I'm weird. There's a lot about me that's horrifying. Things I've never told even Kyle, but I want you to know everything, eventually. No secrets. Just...please wait."

He smiled and I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed each knuckle, making him flush in response. Whatever it took to keep this, I was up for the challenge. It was too good to let go. He's too good to let go. "Love you," I said, and kissed his knuckles again. "I will wait forever. You know that, I've already waited two years and bit."

"You have, haven't you?" He replied, pulling my hand to his lips. I wanted to sink through the seat out of embarrassment, but the way Marcus laughed over my skin, so soft and happy, made this worth it. "We're here, by the way."

"Oh, shit….right."

"I love you too." Marcus grinned. "Let's go in and enjoy the day with Aya and Henley." He was still grinning.

I’d never, ever get tired of that look on him. I liked to picture what he’d look like when he was older sometimes, imagine us twenty or thirty years from now. Me greying at the temples, Marcus’s laughter lines carved deep into his face instead of only visible when he was actually laughing. A lifetime of joy and happiness written all over him. Joy and happiness that I’d had some part in. I liked to imagine us in bed on a Sunday morning, maybe with a dog at our feet. Waking up together, trading sleepy kisses, talking quietly under the covers about plans for the day. Like we did now, only… settled. It wasn’t that I couldn’t wait to get old, exactly, but I couldn’t wait to get old with Marcus. And enjoy every minute between now and then. "Definitely."