Once the realization dawned on me I hurried back to the open entrance at the other end and then into the reception room where the others sat resting.

“Where did you vanish to?” asked one of the ladies.

“Oh, into the Parisian cafe, over there,” I pointed behind me, “It’s such a gorgeous place!”

“The whole ship is gorgeous,” said the other lady, “And vast! I’m exhausted!”

I took a nearby seat myself and began rubbing my hands nervously, looking around me.

“You don’t have to wait for us,” said one of the gentlemen, “You can go on your way if you wish; no one will be offended.”

“Um, no,” I replied, “No, I think I will remain with you fine people for a bit.”

“You look positively agitated, my dear,” said the former lady, “What is it?”

I knew I had to tell her something to prevent the possibility of her gossiping about some mystery on board; and me being the bearer of some information that regards it,

“Oh I’m just worried that we’ll get lost,” I finally answered, “Titanic is enormous; are you not frightened of the same?”

“It’s alright, child,” said she, “There are convenient maps to prevent such an eventuality.”

“I suppose you’re right,” I replied, gaining control of my fretful fidgeting, “I’m quite disposed to apprehension in strange environments; I should not be passing it on to others, my apologies.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she returned, “You are young; it’s quite understandable and unremarkable to be overwhelmed at so tender an age.”

“Thank you, madame,” I kindly returned, wishing that my excuse were my only reason to worry, “I’m feeling better.”

“Wonderful,” she returned with a warm smile, “That’s wonderful, dear.”

After a moment of silence, the group began talking about their lives, families, friends, and more. I sat in silence and listened to them ramble for a long while, feeling the powerful urge to stand, bid them a polite farewell, and risk returning, alone, to my room. However, the terror I felt at the thought prevented it from actualizing, and I just silently prayed that they would get tired of sitting there chattering and get on the move again; but they continued reminiscing and reminiscing and reminiscing until I found myself becoming enchanted with sleep.

I’m not sure at what point I left them for the world of dreams but, apparently, I fell into a sleep so deep and blissful that they either could not wake me, or felt too sorry for me to attempt to do so. And once the sound of something banging above me startled me awake; I found that the group had left, but were kind enough to leave me a small folding map of the ship to find my way back,

“No,” I whispered to myself as I stood and looked around, “No!” I picked up the map and hurried toward the long corridor from which the group and I, at first, emerged.

As I moved, as quickly as I could, down the corridor, trying not to walk fast enough to rouse suspicion, I couldn’t help looking behind me numerous times to see if anyone followed; I was in such a state of dread at my abandonment that my heart thrashed me with panic.

Eventually, I came out on the other side and quickly made my way to the Grand staircase to descend to C Deck, where, once I landed, I hurried to my room, checked it before shutting myself in, then closed the door and locked it.

After this, I approached the bed, slumped upon it and struggled thereafter to calm my nerves. I had no idea how long I had lain in that chair asleep, nor who, let alone how many, might have seen me there! I found myself wishing I really was on the ship for some boring, inane reason so I could truly enjoy my trip like most everyone on board! Add to that the constant pain I was in from those infernal injuries and one could understand why my mood plummeted at that moment into an abyss of seething rage! Had I felt just a slight more angry, I would have destroyed my room; I had lost my parents, the comfortable life they gave me, the serenity of my father’s story-time tales, the soothing embrace of my mother; her gentle singing, my engineering loft, my creative materials; everything that made me feel secure, loved, and productive was gone, and all that was left to me was a perilous mission, terrifying isolation, the threat of death, and no guarantee of success!

“You need to help me get through this,” I prayed as I lay there squeezing the quilt beneath me as hard as I could, “My nerves are unstrung, I’m in agony, and every moment in this room is spent in a losing war against despair! If you don’t keep me together, I’m going to lose myself!”

I rolled over on my right side and watched the room for awhile until a seamless transition between there and the Parisian Cafe occurred; sitting at a table in the bright sunlight, sipping warm cocoa; the seductive feel of the ocean breeze; the liberating scent of the ocean air; the passionate thoughts of the ocean’s influence; the deep desire of the ocean’s depths; the poetic emotion of the ocean’s shifting glint upon the lovely, latticed ceiling as Thomas entered with languid joy and approached; sitting across from me.

“Why are we meeting here?” he asked.

“I wanted to show it to you,” I replied.

“Show me what?”

“The walls are alive,” I said, gleaming at them with profound delight, “The ceiling; look how the water glints from it; oh, I am enraptured! Mmm, this cocoa is delicious!”

“It is a lovely room.”

“I want to stay here forever.”

“You know you can’t, don’t you?”

“I know. Do not be bitter to my need; just let me feel this moment while it lasts.”

“Of course.”

“The scent of the ocean air; how it intoxicates me! Does it you?”

“It does, indeed.”

Suddenly, I felt the wood beneath my feet,

“Where are my shoes, Thomas?”

“You left them in the sea.”

“Why would I do a thing like that?”

“It happened when this moment failed to last forever.”

I looked down into the cocoa,

“Now, this moment will last forever.”

“For me, yes.”

I felt a distant pain rise in my heart at that moment as I lifted my eyes again to him,

“I miss you. Whatever connection we made in the life that parted us; you took something with you that I will never get back.”

“Don’t say never, princess; I will return it when I see you again. Victoria; no matter who you are, lying on that bed in your messy cabin a lifetime ago, you will always be Victoria here; my barefoot angel.”

“Your angel,” I whispered, looking away momentarily and shaking my head, “I feel so guilty...”

“I need to tell you how much you mean to me while you are here,” he interrupted. “That night, when you fought for me against the enemy; I’ve never forgotten what you did! I told you to run and get to the boats, but you stayed and engaged the monster; I’ve never seen such courage and valor! I heard you screaming in torment when the two of you fell deep into the boiler room during the struggle; you grappled that sadistic thing in the depths of the ship when I was incapacitated, and you overcame it at great cost to yourself! I had the chance to fight for my life again, thanks to you; that’s what you did for me! What happened was not your fault.”

“I would have saved you if I could.”

“I know. There’s not the slightest doubt in my mind of it! But, it was my time to leave, angel. You did everything you could, and so did I. Now, mourn no more for me; I’m happy; happier than I’ve ever been!”

“I want to stay so much.”

“You will, one day. Today, you must learn to keep your hope; that is why you’re here. He’s answered your prayer; the one you prayed to in pain and anger all those years ago on that condemned ship. He wants you to know what awaits you; he wants you to know that there is no reason to abandon hope. You exist in the physical world to be a light to those who have lost their hope. But, you’ve questioned if there was any for you.”

“I’m a monster, Thomas. Is there hope for monsters?”

“What you are was never of your making! You have been a creature of the night in your deep past yet, in the centuries you’ve lived, your foremost desire has always been to be liberated from the poison your mother left in your DNA; your Father has seen this desire and has honored you for it. And here, you are... an angel; this is how your Father sees you; not a monster; His glorious daughter!”

“Really?” I wept, “He sees me as His daughter?”

“Even before the world was made! You have no idea how beautiful you are to Him. Listen to me; no matter what you experience while you exist in the mortal world; this memory will never be taken from you! Call back to it when night falls and let it be your light; you will never be abandoned! We will see each other soon, my treasure, and He speaks for me, too. Now, remember only the feeling of this; not the words. The words will come when your mission on Titanic is complete.”

I slowly looked toward the brilliant blue sky with one last sip of that heavenly cocoa and shut my eyes; I took in one more deep breath of that sweetest ocean air, then slowly opened my eyes to my sideways cabin. My pillow and face were drenched with tears; I pushed myself up to a seated position, attempting to remember the words, but I could not.

The feeling of it, however, was so potent that I began sobbing for joy; it was as if all the love I had experienced with my parents in Romania had descended on me in that far away cabin, washing away all my despair; and if the ecstasy had been any stronger, it would have dissolved my damaged, fragile frame and sent me to the galaxies; the most joyful spirit in the whole universe!

“Papa, mama? I feel you, somehow, across this divide! I don’t know what I’ve just seen; I believe you could make sense of it. I thought I was strong enough to make this journey, but I’m not, and I know that what I’ve just experienced is help from above. I choose to believe that we’re feeling one another at this moment; that you feel my love for you. Before this connection fades, I need you to come to me when you are able; I can’t bear never seeing you again! Come to me, no matter where the mission takes me, just come… so we can be together again.”

Thomas found me in my room after his game, but I refrained from telling him what happened because it would have made me look as careless as I actually was.

He told me how the game went: he lost a little money to one of the older gentlemen who graciously offered to decline the spoils of his victory, but Thomas politely insisted that he take it, saying “The wager was small because I knew I would lose it. Please, take it, sir; my dignity needs your generosity more than my wallet does.”

Thomas reeked of cigar smoke, but I found him to be an honorable man when he told me this.

“And, what did you do in my absence?” he inquired.

“Oh,” I replied with a smile, “I went about exploring the ship with a group of geriatric adventurers.”

“Exploring, eh? What did you find?”

“I found the stern to be shockingly opulent,” I answered, “There’s a little cafe at the back of the ship that you simply must see; even the dining saloon pales next to it! I’d like to take you there before we reach harbor.”

“Are you… asking me out?”

“I suppose I am,” I said, casting a shy look his way, “I know, it’s rather unconventional for the lady to ask the gentleman, but I so want you to see it.”

“Done, then,” he remarked, “We’ll have lunch there tomorrow, how does that sound to you?”

“Positively marvelous!”

“Good.”

“Thomas,” I said with a sad laugh, “This trip could be so enriching, were it not for the perils our secrets have exposed us to! I would not be capable of surviving this without you. I’m grateful; and I don’t want us to lose one another when this is over.”

“Victoria,” he replied with an unusually soft tone, “Where is this coming from? Are you alright?”

“Yes,” I answered, instantly composing myself before the joy of the vision brought me to the tearful place it had before, “Yes, Thomas; I’m fine. I just,...”

“What?”

“I want us to always be friends. Aside from my father, I’ve never known a man of your capacity; you’re kind to older gentlemen who wish to feel young again in your company, you can refrain from pressing a mysterious girl about her injuries; you maintain composure under threat when I so easily lose mine; I’m finding you… stabilizing to me, and I don’t want you to forget me if we make it through this.”

“We will make it,” he insisted, gently taking my shoulders, “We will! Erase all doubt from that gorgeous head of yours and focus on completing your mission. In a few days we’ll be safely home; and there is no way I’ll just walk away and forget you, not after everything you’ve done for me. Whatever we become after this is over, we’ll become it together. Have you ever read the Bible?”

I was surprised by the inquiry,

“Yes, actually. Why?”

“’For the joy set before him, he endured the cross’ Look with me to the joy at the end of this; it will help us endure this present crucifixion.”

I didn’t think that anything he could say would be a better balm for my unstrung nerves than that the vision provided; but I confess that his statement offered such healing in that moment that I finally lost the composure I had maintained up to that point. He stayed with me until it returned a short time later, curious as to why I wept with joy. He suspected me of having drank a little too much in his absence as he planted a kiss on my forehead and bade me a comforting good night before stepping out.