Nightmare 05 – The Girl in White is my last hope

The chalk made series of clinking sounds as the teacher wrote on the blackboard. My classmates were silently copying the lesson on their notebook.

My hand had stopped moving for a while now with my pen laying on my notes. I was aware that I was distracted thinking about last night’s nightmare but I could not take it out from my mind. My several attempts ended in failure.

I stared outside the window at my side. I could see the city below the mountain where this school stood. I suddenly felt discomfort as I looked at the scenery, which I would wanted to visit. Switching my vision to the blue sky above, my thoughts returned to the nightmare again.

It is beautiful like always, yet it is kind of sad as well. Just like that girl. I wonder what has happened to me and her before…

“—kun, Reiji-kun,” Yuka, who sat beside me, whispered. I turned my head to face her. “Mr. Yamamura just glared at you, you know.”

I immediately corrected my sitting position as I confirmed Yuka’s statement. Sure enough, our teacher had still a bad look at his eyes. He shifted his vision to the board soon and continued writing.

School, friends, society… Freedom.

I thought of those things while recalling the words of the girl in white. “I’ll free you.” Her words seemed like they reached my heart. I was not free right now. My family forbade me, my friends bound me, and the society never cared about me.

I wanted a freedom that will let me do things as I want.

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I can still remember the time we spent together as if they were yesterday. I hold them dear and cherish them. Isn’t it supposed to be the same for you too?

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“Reiji, I have something to do today. Next time, okay?”

“Actually, my mum told me to buy groceries. Sorry Reiji-kun, I can’t go today with you too.”

As what I had been expecting, both Masayuki and Yuki were acting suspiciously. It might just be me jumping to conclusions but I thought that they must not really willing to grant my request.

“Yeah. We’ll just go when you guys have spare time.”

“And it is better if we three would go together right?” Masayuki grinned like usual.

Now today would play again like the usual day. I would be heading straight home, help with the chores immediately, and spend the rest of my free time with games, manga, and anime.

The two eventually separated with me after they confirmed that I had rode the train.

“Freedom, huh?” I muttered silently as I walked all alone in the neighborhood after I got off at the station. I stopped on my tracks and thought for a while. Now that the two of my friends went somewhere, I could just go to the places I wanted to go.

It was obvious that they were hiding something from me. If they couldn’t help me recover my past memories and I’ll do it by myself.

I rotated back and started walking towards the station again. The park, cinema, or the riverbank were my targets. My walking pace sped up in the excitement of going to new places. Before I knew it, I was already before the station.

However, things wouldn’t go smoothly as planned. My mother, wearing her office suit came out of the train that had just arrived at the platform, right in the door I was supposed to enter.

“Reiji,” she spoke with a hint of surprise. “…Now let’s go home.”

“…Yeah. Okay.” I muttered as I silently followed her as she walked home.

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I still don’t know her name. I always die before I could even ask after all.

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“The hell.” I threw my body right in the bed after I entered my room. “Just when I decided to rebel for a bit.”

Truth to be told, I considered myself as someone very obedient. Especially to my parents. That was why I could not refuse her. If she ordered me to do some chores, I would do it. If she said that I should not be going home late, then I would abide by it.

And if my mother or my workaholic father removed a part of my freedom, I would not raise a single complaint.

“The Girl in White is my last hope.”

Those were spontaneous, unthoughtful words that came out from my mouth and they felt a bit bitter. I called it a nightmare, a dream where someone would feel despair. Yet now, calling her hope was kind of hypocritical. In the first place, her real world existence nor her role as a god sent savior were both not guaranteed.

“I may just lost it.”

Reiji-kun…

I suddenly heard the voice of the girl again. The only one who calls me that way was Yuka but I was certain that it wasn’t her voice. It was the second time hearing it beside the ones in my dream.

“Imagination…” Yes, this might just be also my imagination and that nightmarish dream was just a product of mind. If this would be the end result then… “I am probably mad?”

That was something that wasn’t exactly impossible. However, as some said, nothing would start when one wouldn’t act. I needed to find out the truth, and to recover my past.

Which was why, tonight, for the first time in my life, I hoped that I would dream a nightmare where I die again.

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Hypothetically she was a real person. Would that mean that I fantasized about her? Or would it mean our dreams connected?

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I opened my eyes at the same time my nose smelled the pungent air.

I was inside a room that I didn’t recognize. The lighting was dim because the windows were covered with an eerie black curtain that seemed to eat away at the light outside. Although my vision wasn’t clear. I could see the objects neatly placed within the room.

The bed sheet was pure white and laying on it were several stuffed toys and the carpet laid down on the floor had small, blue fish designs that was repeated all over making a motif. Near the wall were the cabinet and the desk, which had school materials atop it assorted within place.

If it weren’t for the miasma in the air and the black curtains, this would have been a normal girl’s room.

Well then, I thought as I finished observing. I turned my back to face the door.

“…......” The girl in white stood in the doorway silently.

I noticed something fell down the floor and then I immediately heard a short, silent clack.

Something had hit the floor and when I shifted my vision upward—I noticed. Tears were silently dripping down on her cheeks. She was crying.

I was lost for words.

I didn’t want to see her like this. If she would be saddened to see me then I could even offer my life to her just to return her usual self. It was an unbearable sight that my chest suddenly tightened.

“Why won’t you die?” Her solemn voice asked. Gradually, her tears stopped flowing. “Don’t you want to be together with me?”

“…Were we…,” I hesitated for a bit before continuing. “Were we…lovers before?”

Her mouth slightly opened and even though her eyes couldn’t be seen, I could tell that her expression carried astonishment mixed with longing.

“Yes.”

I could not reply to her answer.

“…The real world is scary. I don’t want you to betray me anymore.”

I was listening to her but I won’t be able to understand what she meant

“We would be together in afterlife forever.” She suddenly smiled devilishly—my heart skipped a beat. “That is why, Reiji-kun, please die with me.”

Ahh… Here we go again. I smiled, finally realizing the reason why she was always trying to kill me.