I took a few wobbly steps towards the pompous house I once called my home. It was one of those three-story residences with a sleek modern design that allowed abundant sunlight to penetrate through the vast glass windows. Its roof was completely flat, so different from times when I was just a little kid. Everything seemed somehow too much. Too much of greenery, too much of decorations, nothing felt homey anymore. Instead, the house screamed: Rich people live here, stay out! But needless to say, that people who lived here, will never be satisfied with a modest little house this place used to be.

I climbed the paving stone steps that led towards the patio, ready to ring the bell. Before I could even touch the extravagant wooden front door, they swung open and suddenly a sulky old woman stood in front of me.

“There were supposed to be no visitors today.” She gave me a once over, her judging stare piercing my skinny jeans and oversized wolf printed sweatshirt.

I couldn’t help but follow her gaze that landed on the faded, half-torn print. Maybe next time I should choose something more sophisticated. Pushing back my Ray-Bans, which constantly ran down the bridge of my nose, I finally responded the woman “I…My name is Faina.” I stuttered “I’m Svetlana’s daughter. She isn’t expecting me, but I have an urgent matter to discuss with my her and my sister.”

“I work here for a year and I’ve never heard she had another child before.” She grimaced, giving me a sideways look full of suspicion. I couldn’t ignore the small wrinkles that appeared on her nose, like there was a hideous, repugnant smell in the air she couldn’t get rid of.

Typical. Not that my mother would ever bother to mention or acknowledge her first born child. And when did she get a servant?

“I just came by to say my goodbyes; I am not here to bother anyone,” I answered her shyly, wrestling with the urge to take a step back.

Honestly, I didn’t know what came over me that I decided to show on my mother’s doorstep. I was far from welcome here.

“Dear God! Who is it now?” A melodic voice filled the hallway as my mother gracefully stopped in front of us.

“Mother.” I gulped, trying not to show how badly her presence affected me.

She studied my appearance before she maliciously sneered at me “Faina.” She said like I was a dirt on her meticulously polished high heels. Then she turned to her servant “What?” She spat “Don’t just stand there. Go clean something, I don’t pay your lazy ass for nothing.”

I noticed how the poor woman’s eyes widened in horror, right before she lowered her head and stormed inside.

My mother turned back to me “What do you want?” She said with an uninterested voice, pulling a stack of cigarettes out of the front pocket of her designer blouse. Her hands slightly shook as she lit one, puffing a smelly cloud of smoke directly into my face.

“I came here to say my goodbyes to you and Lena. I am leaving tomorrow morning.” I said with a strangled voice, trying hard not to cough.

She tapped the cigarette, not minding the ash landing on her porch. “Good riddance. You could have just called you know, instead of using the money for a bus ride. God knows you need it.”

“I have enough money...” It was meaningless to explain I had more than enough on my bank account. I was a best-selling author and a designer, thus monthly I earned a sum of money sufficient enough to support my needs.

She inhaled once more, then flung the cigarette away “Right.” She mocked me “So you are not here to beg me for a loan? Because if you don’t remember properly, the last time we saw each other was the day I threw you out of the house.”

“How could I not remember.” I sighed “I am not here to fight mother. I am leaving Moscow.”

“You are just like your father, a dreamer. A pathetic little leach.” She watched me, her full lips stretched into a vile smile.

“Well, you married him, so …” I couldn’t finish the sentence as I gasped in horror when her hand collided with my cheek. Her thick golden rings broke my skin and I felt a stinging pain. “Suka! Bitch!” She spat, glaring at me with such hatred I didn’t know she possessed.

“He was a mistake! You.” She stabbed her perfectly manicured finger at my chest “Were a mistake! If it weren’t for him and his pathetic writing job, I wouldn’t have to work my ass off to become a lawyer! You are just like him.” She shook her head in distaste.

Character wise I was in many ways just like my father, indeed. But looks I inherited from my mother. I was slender and I had a long blonde hair with almond-shaped caramel eyes.

My father always loved writing stories, and every night he had one reserved especially for me. I will always love him for helping me discover the passions in my life. I loved him more than the whole world, but he unexpectedly passed from a heart attack five years ago. I blamed it on the alcohol and my mother. She was the one who pushed him over the edge, and the only escape he had was his drinking habit. He was miserable around her, but he stayed because of me and my younger sister, Lena, who also despised him.

Lena was too much like my mother and even though there was good eight-year gap between us, we never got along. My sister was that kind of person who spent half of her time in front of the mirror, arrogant and full of herself. Of course, my mother was proud of her choice to pursue a carrier in law, just like her. On top of that, she already managed to catch the attention of a rich, older widower that my mother really approved of.

“I am proud of my father and I am honored you compare me to him,” I said calmly, trying not to show the pure hatred that seeped out my pores.

“What is this God-awful racket mother?” My sister came down the stairs, dressed in a formal business attire. Her chestnut hair was woven into an elegant updo.

“Your …” She immediately stopped herself “Faina.” She spat instead “Is here.”

Lena’s eyes fell on me “What are you doing here?” She sighed, glancing back at our mother.

“She came to say her goodbyes.” My mother shrugged.

“I am leaving tomorrow morning,” I added. I didn’t know why I hoped for a kind goodbye or a peaceful parting.

“Where will you go? Can you even afford the move?” Lena smirked.

Again with this. I was so tired of their insults and offending behavior. “Alaska.”

“Excuse me?” My mother’s head snapped back to me as she laughed out loud “Have you lost your mind? You’re leaving Russia?”

“Yes.” I loved to be here when my father was still alive, but without him, I had no reason to stay. I had no real friends in the city, and it was solely my fault since I was an incorrigible loner.

Ever since I was a child, I spent all my free time with my nose buried in books my father gave me. And that behavior continued through the high school and graphic design college. It was safe to say I was a hermit closed up in my little apartment, completing business orders through my computer or writing novels.

“I have no words for your stupidity.” Mother snorted “But it’s your life to destroy, so go ahead. I won’t stop you.”

“Thank you.” I rolled my eyes “So. I wish you a good life mother, sister.” I nodded. I still stood on their porch, painfully aware of my half-frozen feet. I wore my worn-out Converse sneakers, even though the winter was just around the corner.

I stuffed my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt, turning on my heel, more than happy to leave.

“Faina?” Mother called out to me.

I slowly turned around, almost shocked as I foolishly hoped for some kindness.

“I never want to see you here again. Is that clear?” Her eyes were dead serious as she spent me one last glance. I stood there in silence and shock, flinching as she slammed the doors behind her.

“Clear as a day,” I whispered.

I took in my father’s house and surroundings with painful nostalgia before I turned around and left all the bitter memories behind.

***

My humble 200 ft2 apartment looked almost the same when I had all of my belongings still unpacked. I’v never spent any of my earned money as I was frantically saving it for an occasion like this. The only thing I had was my extremely expensive PC, Kindle, a few of my father’s books and clothes.

I have bought my new winter attire for the reason that the small town I was moving to was, pardon my expression - cold as hell. Oh, and I had to sell my screen, because, sadly it would never fit into my second suitcase, already crammed with my disassembled computer. There surely will be a tech store to buy a new one.

The second suitcase was filled with my new clothes, books, Kindle and I already worried how I’ll be able to handle my heavy baggage.

I carefully planned my move ahead, about a half year ago. I landed a secure job as a graphic designer for the US company that I could do directly from my new home. And I also had a contract with my publisher, so money and visa won’t be a problem.

Being lucky, I got a cheap deal through a real estate agent in Alaska so I bought a small, but very comfortable looking house in the place I was moving to – Atsanik, also known as the town of northern lights. A mysterious, peaceful and beautiful mountain town that lied right next to the Iniakuk lake in a northern part of Alaska. It was more than perfect.

I had never wanted anything more than peace and a beautiful view when I looked out of my window or sat on the porch with a cup of hot tea in my hands.

You may be wondering how I even found this remote place, a town in the middle of nowhere. Once, a long time ago my father got a brochure from a fellow traveller. In was an old, worn out piece of paper, but the picture was still clear enough to mesmerize me. It felt like a magnetic pull I couldn’t resist and my father always laughed at my infatuation with the place it advertised.

So, in a way I’ve always knew I wanted to choose a place that was surrounded by mountains and endless forests and had less than 2.000 residents. Atsanik had precisely 1.760 inhabitants and was located far away from Fairbanks or Anchorage, therefore, far away from the civilization.

Maybe it was a change that I yearned for, but I knew I was running. Running away from the horrid remainder of my family and from the overpopulated city walls, pressing down on me like a cage.

And I badly wanted to be free from all the oppressive and pitying stares my mother and sister were giving me. I just hoped Atsanik will be my freedom, my way out.

I had already booked the flight for tomorrow morning at eight o’clock and I had everything packed and ready to go.