Jake will then come and sit next to me only to see me scoot to accommodate him laying behind me. As soon as he lays completely down, he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into him in a firm stroke. This always brings butterflies to my stomach and that's why I keep on doing it in the expectation Jake will react like this every time. I think he noticed my gasp when he first did it and has continued to do it knowing what he might have been making me feel.

He knows I'm straight and I think he's straight too. At least he was married to my mom for so many years.

I seem to not be able to be without this "us time" anymore. Whenever we don’t get to do it for some reason I get to craving it to the extent of feeling physically hurt. It’s like I need to feel his touch, his smell. Once I caught myself going through his dirty laundry just so I could feel his scent. I feel a bit of shame admitting this but that night I slept holding on to one of his t-shirts. I could feel a little bit of his sweat and a hint of his cologne but his smell was there and it was so strong that it made me feel whole at every deep breath that I took. I think I might be addicted to him.