Saturday, finally, thought Em. Job hunting then a date with Michael. He’d already shuffled his own laundry off onto Ciel to keep them busy for the day, although he still had to promise to tell them everything about the date afterwards. First a haircut, Em thought about it while getting ready to go out. His hair was longer than he liked, curling a bit around his ears, and falling into his eyes.

Walking through town he found a barber shop pretty close to the school. Not really surprising though since it used to be a really strict all boys school. He sat trying to describe what he wanted before just giving up and letting the barber do whatever. Kim, the barber, had told Em it was a low fade with a faux hawk and had given Em his card telling him it’d be best to come back soon to keep it clean. Em just paid the man and saved the card. On his way out he waved and Kim winked at him, Em could feel the blush heat his face as he stepped out.

Walking down Main st. he felt pretty good about trying to get a job. He stopped in at an eatery and filled out the paper application while enjoying a cup of coffee. Next he got a card to do an online application for a pet store and the dry cleaners. The town wasn’t large, but it wasn’t as small as the last town he’d lived in with his parents. He wandered on a few side streets and put in more applications, one at a fried chicken joint, and one at the local grocery store. By lunch he’d seen most of what he needed to see. He stopped in at a family own pizza place and ordered two slices, a soda, and an application.

“Oh! I’ll get those out to you, have a seat,” the girl in the red polo smiled brightly and gave him his cup to fill at the soda fountain himself. He settled down at a two person table right by the counter. It was only a minute before an older woman with dark curly hair came out from the back and approached him. She had on an apron covered in flour and sauce, her thick rimmed glasses sat low on her nose, and her smile was infectious.

“Hi! Name’s Mandy,” she reached to shake Em’s hand, “we’re a little short staffed so we’re doing on the spot interviews. We’re hiring for insiders and drivers, what are you looking to do?”

“Uh, my name’s Marceau but everyone calls me Em. I don’t drive yet, but I’d like to work inside.” He was a little surprised, but glad he was dressed well enough for an interview already.

“Are you still in school?” she asked.

“Yeh I’m a junior at Tri-County Unified High School.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, hunny, they’re a bit too strict with your curfews, I can’t really…”

Em interrupted her, “I know, they usually are, but I’m emancipated. I’m not looking for more than part time, but I’m not held to the same restrictions as a minor, and the school can’t revoke my weekend passes.”

“Huh, well then, what kind of schedule are you looking for?” she asked, seeming impressed with his persistence.

Em considered it for a moment, “I still have to study but I was hoping I could work Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Once I am out on Fridays I could be here by 5, and it’s whatever on Saturdays and Sundays. An evening shift on a Monday or Wednesday if needed would probably be ok too, just not too late.” He looked up hopefully at her, with the greenest puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen.

“Well that’s great! Ok, come in tomorrow, maybe around 12? We’ll get through the paperwork and start training.” Mandy stood and shook his hand again as the girl from the counter delivered his pizza. A whirlwind interview that took less time than reheating a couple slices. Em felt like he was on top of the world, more than ready to face Michael.

Em: I was thinking we could meet at the arcade?

Em had time to nibble on his pizza crusts waiting for a reply. He was unsure about the “date” altogether. Michael was cute, some baby fat still in his cheeks, bright blue eyes and curly dark hair. He was smart, talented, and so comfortable being himself. Em was jealous of that.

After that summer with Jaxon, Em had buried himself deep, under layers of fear. It had only worsened when living with his grandparents. After one particularly scathing sermon from his grandparent’s pastor, Em had found Sarah curled up in his closet crying. It was hard now to think of Ciel as that small girl struggling to wear the pink dresses and big bows grandmother had forced on them. Instead of playing video games with Em, they were forced to help in the kitchen, cook, clean, do the laundry. Hearing day in and day out what a beautiful girl she was and how her husband would treasure her for knowing how to be a proper wife. Em had been unable to pry them from the closet and instead joined them, closing the door and shutting out the light, he gathered his sister, his sibling, into his arms and let them cry.

“Am I wrong?” the small voice was shaking, the same as the hands fisted in Em’s shirt, holding on for dear life.

Still unsure what they were upset about, he thought a minute before responding. Rubbing their back in a slow purposeful rhythm. “You’re perfect. Who said you’re wrong?”

“I don’t want to be a girl. The pastor said…” they couldn’t finish as the sobs took over again. But Em had been there for the sermon, he knew what had been said.

He remained quiet waiting for the new sobs to calm down while he thought about what they were saying. They don’t want to be a girl? Do they want to be a boy? The pastor had railed and ranted against transgender persons in their sermon. Shaming women who shirked their duty to God by becoming men, and belittling men who wanted to give up the mantle of authority and become women. Even to Em the sermon was shocking. In a time when homosexuality, and transitioning was generally accepted by the populace, to find himself going from one hateful community to another was horrifying.

“It’s ok if you’re not a girl,” he started off quietly. “Don’t listen to haters. Just tell me, tell me your truth. Are you a boy?” He pulled away a bit and brushed the tears from their freckled cheeks. In the low light he could still see the mirror copy of his own green eyes looking back at him, hopeful.

“I-i don’t know? I feel different though. I don’t feel like I fit.” They scrunched their brow in confusion. “Why don’t I fit?”

“You fit here,” Em said. “You’re my sibling, you’re by my side. This is where you fit.”

Em’s phone vibrated taking him from his thoughts on the past. He disposed of his cup and plate and waved at the girl at the counter, promising to be back tomorrow before he stepped out into the sun to check his messages.

Michael: Sounds good to me! I’ll be there in about an hour.

Em: Great! See you soon.

Em rolled his head around stretching his neck. He took his time heading to the arcade, trying to distance himself from thoughts of the past, trying to look forward instead. Although Michael wasn’t his usual type, he had his charms. He always dressed well, even when in casual clothes, his sense of fashion was spot on. He was protective of his friends, but not afraid to call them out for their mistakes. He also had a clear idea of what he wanted from school, college, and life in general.

Em generally preferred effeminate boys. Long hair, ponytails, makeup, occasional cross dressing, painted nails. Rationally Em knew these were superficial, but still, just thinking about it, gave him a rush that he just didn’t get from Michael. Maybe the date will change that?

For a moment Em saw hazel eyes and a bright smile pass through his thoughts. Their makeup and shiny nails, done up with precision and skill. He hesitated at forcing the thoughts out of his mind, eventually logic won out. Noa wasn’t a boy, Em liked boys. Noa had walls, Em wasn’t prepared to tear them down. Noa only pushed him away, Em wasn’t up for the challenge…. was he?