I stand there, speechless. "What?" I ask quietly. "I mean, how?"

"Rain died in the hospital today," she said, crying. "She shattered a part of her skull, and I guess... I'm still not sure."

What do I even do now? The hospital is too far away for me to walk there, and (for all I know) my dad isn't home yet from work. "What should I do?" I ask.

"Just stay home until your dad comes."

"Okay," I say. I'm not crying for some reason, just in shock, but I'm sure I'll start crying soon. "When will he be here?"

"I'm not sure. But I'll see you soon," my mom says quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too, mom," I answer, my eyes starting to tear up. "Bye."

I put my phone down on my desk and bury my face in my hands. Even after my mom told me, I feel like the thought hasn't fully sunk in yet: Rain is dead. She's not here anymore.

I can't believe it. This is a whole lot worse because of the new rumor that is going around my school. No one brought it up today, but I know it's still lingering. I quietly cry at my desk, feeling hopeless. School is going to be a nightmare tomorrow.

But it's not like I have to tell anyone. As long as I keep my mouth shut, and not tell anyone (not even Alex and definitely not Sarah) I won't escalate this. But, just like everything, someone will find out somehow.

I lift up my head from my hands and wipe my eyes with my hands, sniffling. The rain makes soft sounds on the window of my room. I get up and walk through the empty house, and down the stairs. No lights are on, but it's darker than usual since it's cloudy outside. I take my time as I pass by the kitchen, the bathroom, and the living room downstairs. The wooden floorboards squeak under my feet. I walk up to the front door and open it, the rain showering outside. I walk out and sit on one of the steps to my house.

Cars whiz by, sending water towards the sidewalk. There's nothing I can do about my little sister's death. I just have to wait for more news. Either my mom or dad will call or I'll have to wait until one of my parents come home.

Alex and I should have exchanged phone numbers or something. I feel like I have to talk to him now. Just anyone to talk to who I know will comfort me. I really don't feel like talking to my parents right now. I take out my phone and pull up his Instagram account. I have an account too, it's just that the last thing I posted was a few months ago, which was just a selfie of myself when I first made the account. Not that I feel like posting another one right now.

I scroll through Alex's photos and see that the most recent post was just yesterday. It's a selfie of him in front of my school. He's just smiling, not doing anything else like holding up a thumbs-up or sticking out his tongue (which is something I find unsettling for some reason). He's wearing a black t-shirt which I don't remember him wearing, but it could've been under the sweatshirt he was wearing. The caption for the photo is: In a new school. Wish me luck!

There are a few comments for the photo, mostly wishing good luck or saying how cute he is. (Which... okay, I can relate to, but I wouldn't say that directly to him.)

"If only he was here with me," I say. I put my phone on the floor next to me and look out.

It turns out no one came to pick me up from home. I didn't bother to ask anyway, even though I probably should have. It's already getting late, almost a quarter to ten o'clock. All my parents texted me was: There's frozen pizza in the fridge. Heat it up in the toaster oven if you're hungry.

Wow thanks, mom. I mean, I understand that she's mourning over... it, but she's not the only one who's affected by this. Brothers can still feel sad over this (no matter how annoying she was). I made one pizza but ate only half of it, putting the rest in the fridge since I didn't have a large appetite. I didn't do anything after that and went to the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth.

I go to bed and just lie awake for a little while. I can't go to sleep, even though I'm so tired and exhausted from everything that happened today. But I find myself eventually dozing off that night.

. . .

At school the next Monday, I see Alex waiting by my locker. It's unusual to see that since I have never told him where my locker was, but I assume he has just seen me here before.

"Hey," I say to him. All the students are starting to clear out of the hallway, probably going to class or something.

"So, I heard about your sister," he replies, which is something very unlikely of him to say when he's greeting me.

I look up at him. "Oh, I'm fi... h-how did you know about that?" I ask.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asks, ignoring what I said. Alex puts his hand on my shoulder, and I turn my head to look at his hand. "I'm so sorry about her."

He looks at me with sad eyes and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Alex, what are you..." I trail off as he leans his face close to me and pulls me closer to him.

"Don't panic," he says calmly. "You want this too, don't you?"

I gulp and nod slightly.

"Good."

Alex presses his lips to mine at that moment, and I'm taken aback by this. I'm not complaining, but we're kissing in the school hallway.

"Earnest?" I hear someone else say from down the hall.

I pull away to see who called my name, and I step back, away from Alex, in fear.

"Earnest," Rain asks, walking to me. "What are you doing with that guy?"

"Ah!" I shout, sitting up in bed. I cover my mouth, but not because I shouted, but because of what happened my dream that had to do with the mouth.

The collar and back of my t-shirt is moist with my sweat. I peel the shirt off as I'm heavily panting, still recuperating from my dream. I saw my dead sister in it. How am I supposed to react to that?

It's Monday morning again, two days since the thing happened. My parents were quiet over the weekend, and we all stayed separated, keeping to ourselves. Nothing has happened about the death. I get out of bed and throw the t-shirt into the laundry pile, putting on a new, fresh shirt. I'm not sure if I'm going to school today, but I'll assume so. If my parents are staying home, then probably. I quietly walk down the hall to my parents' room, where they're in their bed, still sleeping. Everything that has happened in the past few days have totally messed up our dynamic, but I'm sure we'll be back to normal soon.

It's just not going to be soon enough.