I walked to school, on the lookout for Alex the whole time. I should try to forget about my dream, especially around him, but it's hard not to. It just kept popping into my head on the way here.

It's been a few days, and I'm not sulking over my sister's death (not anymore, at least.) I probably should be, but the tears just won't form in my eyes. I was thinking about telling someone about her death, but my gut tell me not to. I should probably go with my gut on this one.

I walk to my locker and put my books inside, sighing. I wish this was all just a dream. Just so I don't have to deal with any of this. I turn around, and Alex is right there. I jump, hitting my head against the locker.

"Ow," I say, rubbing the back of my head.

I'm sorry," Alex says. "Does your head hurt?"

I shake my head. "No, not really."

"Okay, I just wanted to ask you something," he replied, standing awkwardly close to me. "So I just... well I was wondering if you can help me study for my math test in the library after school."

"Oh, um, yeah," I say, feeling like I'm obligated to say yes. "I can help you."

"Thanks!" he says. "I really needed help."

The bell rings. "I have to get to class," I say, walking away.

"Okay! See you later!"

It's not like I could just say no to Alex. If he needs help, then I am obviously going to help him since he's my crush.

My math class is first period with Sarah. I have to sit next to her since the seats that we chose in the beginning of the year. It's only been two days since Todd started the rumor, but it feels like weeks. If anyone knows about her death, then I'm screwed.

I walk into the classroom, and everyone stares at me as soon as I take my first step inside. Shit, do they know? Looking down at the floor, I walk to my desk and sit down, uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on me. Sarah doesn't make eye contact with me, but I try to get her attention.

"Sarah," I say quietly, looking up at her. "Sarah."

"Look, Earnest, I'm trying to do something."

I take out a post-it and write a message on it.

Can you just talk to me? I'm feeling really lonely right now. And uncomfortable. You've been ignoring me.

I stick it onto her desk gently, and she sighs like she's annoyed at me. She looks around as if to make sure no one sees her, and looks at the note.

She crumples it up and shoves it into the pocket of her jeans. I feel my heart sink, but then she pulls out her own sticky note and scribbles something on it, slapping it onto my desk.

u hang out with that new guy, dont u? i've seen u with him at lunch. don't tell me ur lonely.

I look at her, but she doesn't glance back at me. I guess she really doesn't like me anymore, does she?

I had no choice. He needed a friend.

Sarah reads my message and takes out another post-it. At least she's communicating with me. That's all I could ask for from her, honestly.

so r u saying that u dont like him?

I don't write back to this note, and I just ignore her. Sarah doesn't seem fazed by this, so I won't either. We go through the rest of the class not talking to each other.

. . .

I patiently wait at the entrance of the school library for Alex. We didn't eat together at lunch or anything like that, so this is my second time seeing him today. I see him all the way down the hall, holding some textbooks under his arm and a messenger bag slung over his shoulder He sees me too, waving his hand high in the air at me. I wave back, but not it's as noticeable as his.

"Hey Earn," he says. "So... are you sure you want to do this for me? I mean, I'm taking time away from you."

"Oh no, it's totally fine," I answer, walking inside of the library. "Where do you want to sit?"

"Anywhere is fine. I don't know this school as well as you do," Alex replies. "Where would you usually sit?"

Come to think of it, I don't come to the library here too often. But when I do, I sit by the window. "I like to sit here," I say, sitting down at the table next to the window. Alex sits down across from me and drops the heavy textbook on the table.

"I was just asking about..." he flips to the page. "About this? I don't know... how to do it, and I have this huge math test tomorrow—"

"It's okay, I'll help you," I say, interrupting him. I don't usually do that, but it was right for this situation. I look down at the problem he's pointing to, and I explain to him how to solve it. It's not that hard to do for a problem like this, but I won't judge. When I'm done explaining, I look up to Alex, and he's staring at me again, leaning his cheek on his hand.

"Alex? Did you get that?" I ask.

He sits up, shifting his gaze to the book. "Oh. Yeah. I was staring again. Sorry about that." He takes out a notebook and rotates his textbook. "I'll try out a few problems."

Alex starts writing down and solving math problems silently. He has a straight face, something I haven't seen him do. He's always smiling around me, but he looks nice like this. Alex is wearing a faded navy blue button up shirt, his sleeves rolled up and the top two buttons unbuttoned. I'm just wearing a cream-colored turtleneck sweater, sleeves pull all the way down with a gray t-shirt under it. Ever since the rumor started, (three days ago) I've been wearing more sweaters. I don't know why, but maybe because sometimes I just want to hide in my sweater and disappear.

Just disappear into my sweater, away from everything.