I could feel my pulse beat in my brain as I walked up the stairs, but my hands were steady as I unlocked the door. Muscle memory kept my steps quiet, but my gut felt like I had eaten rocks for dinner.
I didn’t need lights to find the girls’ room. It looked like Uncle was still up, but I just needed to see for myself that they were both safe. If Liza wasn’t here then I’d be going back out and scouring the city for her. I couldn’t explain the panic I still felt, and why it had made me stupid. It had seemed so rational to just run from the club without grabbing my phone; if I had just stopped to think I could have already been texting them, maybe even let them call so I could hear their voices, but I hadn’t even considered it. My head was a mess and it was making me dumb.
I skipped the second step by habit so Uncle wouldn’t hear it creak, and dodged to the right five stairs up. Without a light it was hard to tell if Liza had dropped her coat there and I didn’t want to trip.
The light was on, so I gave a soft knock and cracked the door open.
“Ash!” ‘toria’s greeting was loud and slightly scolding. “You know better than to just barge in. What if we were changing?”
I gave her a sheepish smile and shrugged, hoping she understood I was sort of sorry.
“You didn’t have to come home, you know,” Liza said from the bed. “You could have stayed.”
I shook my head firmly, unable to knock the stupid smile from my face. Liza was home. “You are more important,” I signed. “Are you okay?”
‘Toria flopped on her bed, her hair falling loose as she squirmed under her shirt. Liza was the one following my hands. “Yeah, we’re okay,” she said. Victoria’s bra slipped out of her sleeve as her sister continued: “Didn’t you get my text?”
“No phone,” I signed.
“I’m sorry,” Liza whined. “Will you get in trouble for leaving early?” She was already in her pajamas, the blue dress a crumpled heap on the floor, and she fell back on her pillows as she pouted, curling around a pillow. So dramatic.
I shook my head to answer her question. “Don’t worry about it.” They really were more important. Maybe I could go back to Redbird’s and say there’d been a misunderstanding.
Stepping closer, I knelt by the bed and brushed the hair back from Liza’s face. She did look a bit flushed, but I didn’t feel a fever and she wasn’t clammy. “What happened?”
“She’s sick,” ‘toria declared. “I told her she should tell Daddy, but she doesn’t want to bug him.”
“It’s girl stuff,” Liza said. “Headache and stuff.”
An awful picture formed in my mind, and I had to know. Going to the restroom, suddenly disappearing, curled up on her bed with a wrinkled dress on the floor - the nightmare was too clear, too sharp, and I couldn’t banish it. With their limited ASL knowledge, I couldn’t afford any misunderstandings either. I dug in her drawer for pen and paper and wrote as clearly as my trembling fingers could manage: “Were you raped?”
“No!” Liza shouted, winced, then repeated at a lower volume: “No, Ash, I was definitely not raped. I mean it. I - I’m still a virgin, by the marks. I just started my period, I swear.”
I knew absolutely nothing about girl periods beyond what they taught in health class. Since it wasn’t about pregnancy or condoms, I turned to ‘toria to explain.
“Cramps and stuff are normal,” ‘toria said. “The stress of the Ball probably made it worse.”
“Uncle really, really wanted us to find matches, or even respectable pairs,” Liza said. “But I don’t think I’m going to find mine at a Ball with silly old couples. The cutest guy there was Tyr, but he’s not my match.”
“I said hi to him,” Victoria said. “He smiled at me. If I was going to take a pairing, I’d want someone who smiled like that.”
The words cut because the man they were describing - Tyr Prince - he actually was my match. He was my match and I’d left him standing there with no explanation because my cousin was on her period. He probably thought I’d rejected him.
Which meant he probably rejected me. I’d reject me right now. I was going to become a fader because I was too stupid with fear to slow down and ask for help.
“Ash, are you okay?” Liza asked. She’d sat up and was looking very concerned, so I smiled and nodded like everything was. She would be heartbroken to know I’d missed my chance.
Soulsickness might just be a state of mind, but at that moment it felt very, very real. My eyes hurt and my throat was tight and I thought I might choke on my own breath. A sympathy headache formed, and I did my best not to let the small smile shake. “Just happy you’re safe,” I signed.
“Are you disappointed we didn’t find matches, too?” Victoria asked. “Uncle wanted us to stay longer, but when he found out Liza was sick he understood. I wonder why you haven’t found your match yet, Ash. You’re so old.”
I scowled at her obvious switch in focus, and Liza laughed. “Ash probably didn’t notice all the hot girls staring at him. He’s such a space case sometimes. That’s why he didn’t mind coming home early,” Liza giggled.
“He was working, not mingling,” Victoria countered. “But that other bartender was cute. I think he was jealous of all the attention Ash was getting. Did you see how mad he was when the woman in the red dress asked for a cocktail?”
“I thought his face would stick like that!”
Victoria let out a giggle and settled on the floor next to her sister’s bed. “I can’t wait until I can pull off a dress like that. I want to look fabulous.”
“I’m not so sure he was admiring the dress,” Liza said softly, curling up a bit and looking directly at me from where she laid on her side. “Did you see how he reacted when Ash left the bar those few times?”
“Eyes glued to your backside, cuz,” Victoria said.
“Oh gawd,” Liza moaned, covering her face with her hands. “Never ever do that accent again. That was awful.”
“You two are horrible gossips,” I complained when they were looking again. “I’m going to bed.”
“Aww, we’re sorry,” Victoria pouted, reaching up and making grabby hands like she was a baby again. I helped her to stand and pretended not to notice her hug.
“I actually really am sorry,” Liza blurted. “I didn’t mean to make anyone worry. I was trying not to spoil Vicky’s fun, or distract you from work.”
“It’s my fault for forgetting my phone,” ‘toria countered.
“It’s no one’s fault,” I signed. “Accidents happen. You didn’t spoil anything.” It was a harsh reminder of how much we relied on our phones, though. If I’d just gotten her message, would I have panicked?
“You’re so sweet, Ash,” Victoria said as she wrapped her arms around me again and hung off my side.
I let her for a moment before pulling away. I signed goodnight an gave Liza a longer, tighter hug just to reassure both her and myself that she was okay. Then I quietly left the room to let them finish getting ready for bed.
Of course Uncle was waiting for me in the hallway.
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