Ben

Ben understands it’s a trap the moment he walks in.

He just came home from a particularly brutal basketball practice. He is sweaty, sore, and he is desperate to get a shower, finish his homework, and rest up before dinner. Text Paul, maybe. Definitely. A hundred percent text Paul.

But it turns out he won’t have to. Sitting in the living room are his mother, Paul, and Alison. Paul looks worried. Like he isn’t sure where this is going either, but he knows too that this can’t be good.

“Oh, hi, Honey.”

“Hi, Mom. Mrs. York. Paul.” He greets everyone, but his eyes do not leave Paul’s for a second.

“I told you a hundred times to call me Alison.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Ben, why don’t you go get a shower and then join us?” Ben is torn. He does want to take a shower, get the practice off his muscles, get rid of the sweat, but he also doesn’t want to leave Paul alone in this situation.

Paul’s eyes tell him that he’s fine. To go take a shower. But to maybe be quick about it. So, Ben nods and gets in the bathroom. After practice, he usually likes to let the hot water relax his body. Today is only about getting clean, though, and as rapidly as possible. He gets dressed in a rush, not really paying attention, and walks back in the living room.

His mother frowns. “Ben, your T-shirt is inside out.” He looks down and he can indeed see the seams. He quickly put is back with the right side out, and sits next to Paul. Like this, they are facing their mothers. Ben’s stomach squeezes slightly. He is pretty sure he knows what they want, but he hopes he’s wrong.

“Boys… Gabrielle and I have been talking, and we think it’s time to have the talk.” Yep. God hates him. Paul stiffens next to him.

“Mom, we already had the talk,” Ben says as if it could get them out of doing this.

“True. When you didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Mom… We’re not having sex.” Ben doesn’t even know why he’s trying. That awkward, cringy, awful conversation is going to happen.

“And good parenting is having that conversation before you two engage in this type of activity. Which, according to the last time you two were in this living room, might not be that far down the line.”

Paul blushes and Ben wants to die. You would think that they learned something from their last movie night, but earlier that week, Ben’s mother came home early and walked in on them having a serious makeout session on the couch. Paul was straddling Ben, hands were under shirts… Ben pretty much thought that Paul was having a panic attack, and Ben didn’t sustain any kind of prolonged eye contact with her for days.

Alison smiles at the boys. It looks a bit forced and Ben wonders for a second if it is the smile she uses at the youth center. Then she says “Boys, this is not about prying in your relationship. Yes, today has been triggered by a recent event, but we need to have this conversation whether you are having sex yet or not. Obviously, we would want you to wait a bit longer before getting physical because your relationship is still very new, but we also think that we need to be realistic. There is no use in telling you not to do it. It is more productive to ensure that if and when this happens, you are ready both physically and mentally. For a moment, we thought that you might be more comfortable talking to a man, but… this is a serious conversation and Paul’s dad doesn’t really do serious. We thought it might be better if we took care of it.”

Ben doesn’t mind. Not that this is better. It would be excruciatingly painful either way. He wonders for a second if it would be easier with his own father. Then he remembers that the two of them haven’t spoken in months and decides that no, it wouldn’t have been.

“Or, we could not do this, and we’ll research things online,” Paul offers, and Ben is twice as much in love as he was ten seconds ago.

“The Internet?” Gabrielle asks. “The place where you can find detailed lists of evidence that aliens built the pyramids and that the Earth is flat?” Paul vaguely mumbles something back. “Great, then. We are having that conversation now, we are all going to be extremely uncomfortable, but then we can never discuss it again.” Ben is totally on board with the last part of that statement, so he nods. Let’s get this over with.

Gabrielle and Alison exchange a look. They seem unsure about who should go first. It reassures Ben somewhat to see that they truly are uncomfortable doing this. He still doesn’t think that this is a necessary conversation – Paul and he are smart enough to take sex seriously, and it’s not like their mothers have valuable experience in gay sex – but he understands why their parents would want to have that talk with them.

Alison goes first. “We, hum… we talked about it, and we thought that there are three main things you need to have in mind whenever engaging in sexual activities. Especially when trying out new things.” Paul’s face probably won’t ever get its original color back. Ben wants to take Paul’s hand to comfort him, but touching him in front of their mothers is also kind of the last thing he wants to do right now.

“The first one is that you need to be safe,” Gabrielle continues. “Every time, and whatever type of sexual activity you are practicing. There is obviously not much risk of pregnancy here, but there are some diseases you do not want to catch. Trust me. I work in a hospital.”

“Oh, Mom, please don’t.”

“What your mother is trying to say is that being safe is important. And it is not simply about infections. It is also about the… activities you do and the way your bodies might react.” Ben changed his mind. This isn’t hell. This is worse. Not only is this awkward, he also is certain that this wouldn’t have happened if he brought a girl. Someone he could catch diseases from and get pregnant. “Boys… if you need to see a doctor at any time, you need to book an appointment or ask us to. We won’t ask questions, we won't judge, we just want you to have a healthy sex life. Plus, condoms will make things tidier.”

Paul sinks a little in his chair. Ben gets it. Right now, the closet doesn’t seem so bad. Maybe he should have stayed there. Just to avoid this moment.

“The second part,” Alison continues, “is communication. You need to talk to one another. You should always feel comfortable in everything you do. You need to put your needs first, but never forget about those of the other. Which also means that you need to both be ready for any step you are taking. Or any sexual interaction, always.”

Ben isn’t afraid about that. He can’t picture Paul pressuring him, and he would never ask Paul to do anything he wouldn’t want to do. Paul is probably thinking the same thing because they make eye contact and smile at each other.

“And finally,” Ben’s mother says, and Ben has no idea what could come next. Being safe, ready, and communicate. What else do their moms have planned for their torture session? “You need to have fun.”

Ben is so surprised that he chokes on his own saliva. He feels Paul shift uncomfortably next to him.

“What?” Ben loves Paul. With all his heart. But why on Earth would he ask questions? Especially any that would involve things being repeated?

“Sex is intense, exhilarating, frightening and emotional,” Alison continues. “It is a very big thing. But it should also be enjoyable. If you are not having fun, if it is uncomfortable or unpleasant, then something is wrong. It shouldn’t happen if you took the safety and communication steps seriously.”

“Mom, can’t we please… stop?” Paul asks. “Condoms, no crazy stuff, talk, make sure it’s not weird, never talk to you again. We get it.”

Their mothers look at each other. “Yes,” Mrs. Carter finally says. “We can stop here. Unless you have any questions?”

“No, we’re good,” Ben answers. None he’s willing to ask them anyway.

“Perfect. Then we are going to give you some time together. You can shut the door. You probably want to discuss things in private.”

“Just let me know when you’re ready, Paul, and we’ll go then.”

The two boys nod and disappear into Ben’s room.

“That was…”

“Awful?”

Paul is sitting at Ben’s desk and Ben is on his bed, his legs stretched out, still a bit stiff from practice.

“Do you think they had any idea what they were doing?” Ben asks.

“Probably not. That’s also not the sex talk we need.”

“What do you mean?”

“We are not complete idiots. We know about condoms. And we don’t need someone to tell us that we need to talk things out and that sex is fun. What we need would be someone who can explain to us the specifics about gay sex. You know, all the stuff that was left out of sex ed in school. But even if they were experts on the question, I would not have that conversation with my mom. Or any of our parents.”

Ben nods. “So should we? Talk about it?”

“Babe, please, no. Not today. I know we have to at some point, but I don’t want to have that conversation after… whatever it is out moms did.”

“Fair enough.”

They stay silent for a moment. Ben lies down properly in his bed, one arm behind his head, and looks at the ceiling. The conversation was intensely awkward, and also somewhat disturbing. It is over though. If he’s lucky, his mother will let his father know that he was given the talk, and he won’t have to live through another one.

He hears Paul stand from the chair, and suddenly he is lying next to him, his head on Ben’s shoulder. Ben wraps his free arm around Paul.

“Did you notice that one moment when my mom practically said that it was fine if we had sex?”

“It’s not exactly what she said,” Ben tempers.

They remain like this, silent and hugging for a long time. Paul’s weight on Ben’s shoulder is oddly soothing. Paul traces patterns on Ben’s chest and he is a bit mesmerized by the feeling. He can smell his boyfriend's shampoo and that smell got so familiar it now gives Ben a sensation of wellbeing every time it reaches his nose. Ben almost has to put effort into not falling asleep here and now, with Paul in his arms.

“I should go,” Paul says. “My mother is waiting, and I don’t want any of them to come looking for me.”

“Five more minutes,” Ben negotiates, holding Paul a bit tighter.

“I’ll give you six.”