Nightmare 08 – Will…you two wish me…luck?

“Reiji-kun?” mumbled Yuka as she stared at me with disbelief. “…What are you doing here?”

It was not just them who had trouble understanding on what was happening. “…I could ask that to you as well, why are you two here?”

She did not reply. It was the same with Masayuki, both of them just eyed me, showing various emotions that I had noticed before. Masayuki seemed threatened and Yuka seemed scared. Both of them stood in place, even forgetting to close the door they entered in.

“Reiji…” Masayuki said in a heavy tone after a little while. “Will you come with us outside?”

I stood on my chair and answered him, “…All right.”

He continued, this time looking at Yume’s parents behind me. “Akasaki-san, excuse us for a bit.”

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The darkness will swallow everything. Perhaps, I had already been.

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Masayuki, Yuka, and I made our way outside the hospital leaving the confused couple. He led the way without a word and I just followed after him. Yuka was also silent all those time.

We arrived at one of the hospital’s empty yard, with no people in sight. There were trees and plants to be seen here and this was probably a place for patients to walk around and enjoy the outside once in a while. I could see few benches where people could sit. I surveyed the area and I could see no spots where people could easily see us here. Apparently it was a place suited for these kind of confrontation.

Masayuki stepped on the yellowish-green grasses on the ground before he turned around to look at me. “Reiji, have you recovered your memories?” he asked.

I was about to answer him but I saw a flash of glare coming from him as if he was angry at me. I returned his fervent look as I replied, “No, not yet.”

“…Th-then what are you doing there, I wonder? Haha…” Yuka at my right asked me unsurely, her eyes looking on the ground with her mouth forcing a small smile.

What’s with the two of them…?

“…I learned that I was not the only victim of the incident six months ago so I went to visit her.”

“Where’d you learn it?”

“On the net.”

Masayuki stayed silent for a bit before he continued, “…Why did you want to visit her?”

“Well… I just felt like visiting my accident buddy, I gue¬—”

“Lies,” Masayuki suddenly interjected. His tone was angry and he had a nasty glare. “You aren’t telling us the truth, Reiji. Cut out your jokes.”

“…Huh? What about you two?” I snapped. “What are you to the girl named Yume?”

I was trying to act calm even though I was confused but I could not contain my emotions from swelling anymore. My chest was full and soon, they would erupt.

“Reiji-kun…” Yuka muttered barely enough for me to hear it. “Please…no.”

“You don’t even know her right? What’s the point of visiting?” Masayuki continued asking some incomprehensible questions. “Or have you already recovered your memory and you are deceiving us all this time?”

I don’t understand them at all…

“No, what’s wrong with you two? Why are haven’t you told me!? You had plenty of chances, didn’t you?” I started saying all the things I was thinking earlier loudly, dumping all sorts of accusations to them. “You’re always visiting her, and yet you told me nothing!? Was it because you thought I had nothing to do with her, or are you two hiding her from me!?”

“Reiji-kun…! Please stop already…” said Yuka as she broke down on her knees.

“No I won’t stop. I thought you two were my friends. You two were supposed to help me recover my memories and yet!”

I took a pause as my chest inflated. “What kind of friend are you!?”

A punch came straight and hit my face, knocking me down on the grass. Masayuki looked at me with his sharp, hostile glare. However, at the same time, his eyes were watery.

“Shut up, Reiji! You don’t know how we feel!”

I felt pain ran through my nose bleeding a bit. I got up immediately punched him back in the face with my right hand. The strongest punch I could muster.

“I could not care less about your feelings.” I threw him a punch again. “Have you tried thinking on mine as well?”

However, this time, Masayuki just took my punch head-on without dodging it. His lips were split and blood started to trickle from them.

“…Reiji. It seems like the time has come to tell you the truth.”

I was bewildered by the sudden change in him.

“I-I am…” He had a bitter expression and there as if something that was forcibly closing his mouth. Even so, he spoke clearly yet hesitantly as he looked at my eyes. “I am…the reason why you and Yume lost your memories.”

“…Huh…? What do…you mean?”

Amidst it all, Yuka’s voice entered my ears.

“…top it please… Stop it…please.” Yuka was sobbing as she covered her face with her face. She then lifted her head up to look at me, face filled me self-derision. “I am…one to blame too, Reiji. No…in fact, I was… I was the…one who caused this all.”

What the hell are they talking about?

“No Yuka. I am to blame for all of this… I planned it all.”

“But…I-I was still the one who did it…” Her face clouded again and tears overflowed from her eyes. Between her sobs, she continued to speak. “Reiji…It was…my fault.”

“…Hey.” I was unsure about everything. But the two of them started saying unbelievable things. “Wh-what are you two saying…?”

Masayuki turned to me, as he swallowed a lump in his throat. Yuka slowly removed her hands from her face as well. Both of them were scared and guilty…that I was sure looking at their faces.

“Reiji, listen, will you?” Masayuki wryly smiled at me. “I will tell everything now.”

I couldn’t reply to him.

“I planned for you and Yume to break up.” He started. “It was just a thought at first but when I see you two everyday happily, I can no longer bear it. That’s why I thought that if I Yume will doubt you, and think you are just tricking her, she would hate you.”

His words were continuing without stopping. They were full of conviction.

“I talked to Yuka and made her I agree with me. In that day I said to Yume that you might be tricking her, she was furious at me by badmouthing you. She was about to leave me when she saw you and Yuka together…”

Somewhere along the time I was hearing his words I realized the reason for his conviction. He was fully prepared to accept whatever I might say to him.

“Yume was shocked. I regretted it all immediately to see her like that. She approached you and Yuka, and all I could see was you two going somewhere while Yuka was left behind.” He then continued regretfully. “After that, we heard that you two got into an accident. I know that we should’ve have helped you recover your memories but we were scared that you will hate us forever. I don’t know if my apology will cut it, but all I can do for you right now is to only bow my head.”

In my front was the bowing Masayuki and Yuka who was crying. They were apologizing to me. I was…angry at them. I wanted to lash out at them, but seeing their miserable figure, I could not do that anymore.

“It is unfair you two… You were at fault here. But why is it that I am supposed to be the one pitying you…”

I bit my lip, as I felt my eyes blurring as I felt them a bit wet.

“Is that what are friends supposed to be?”

My words were heavy, even for myself, feeling my jaw hesitate before moving to utter them. Masayuki in my front was lost for words and I could only see sadness, misery, and regret at him. I told him that I things that a friend wouldn’t want to hear, and seeing him like this pains me as well.

Yuka was silently sobbing. She had not spoken anymore. She could no longer contain her sadness and cried like a child.

I just stared at my childhood friend crying on the ground and Masayuki stood the same as well. Blood trickled down my nose and I wiped it away with my right hand. I stayed like that for few seconds before I stared walking towards the both of them.

“I’m sorry too…”

I was even unsure why I apologized.

The wind blew, swayed my hair and my emotions. I heard the leaves rustling unstopping as if they accompanied my own indecisive mind. If I go now, my friendship with them might not return anymore. But they deceived me.

I recalled the times that I’ve spent with them as the current me. Even though I was not sure of the things before this, I thought that they were great friends. And when the wind blew no more, and the rustling of the leaves stopped as well, my mind was decided.

“Maki, you said earlier that you all you can do now was apologize, right? No you’re wrong.” I showed them a mild smile. “You two can support me from now on. Masayuki, Yuka, I’m going to recover my memories. So will…you two wish me...luck?”

They were both astonished. Yuka had been speechless for a few second.

“…Reiji-kun… Yes, we wish you the best of luck.”

“Good luck Reiji.”

“…Thank you.”

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They deceived me but they were also the one who helped me shape the current me, who forgives them and hopes for them to be still my friend.

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There he goes.

Kako Reiji. The person I envied and deceived, and loved by the girl beside me.

“Class rep, is it really fine with you?” I asked worriedly to her. “You still had not delivered your feelings to him, right?”

She nods slowly and then started to stand up. “I had plenty of happiness to be with him in these five months.” She gazed at the place he disappeared into, longingly. “I think, it is time for him to be happy as well.”

“I see…”

“Besides, even though I am still guilty about it, I’m glad… Knowing that he’ll remember it soon somehow makes me relieved…”

“…What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, just a sweet, bitter, yet precious memory for me…”

“Hmmm. Sounds complicated.”

Yuka seemed like she had finally moved on. It was painful for her, and myself to let things go this way but our lies and deception had finally ended today. This lifted a weight from my chest even for a little bit.

“What about you, Maki?”

Her question pierced my chest and I hesitated a bit before answering.

“…In honesty, I haven’t completely let go of my feelings for Yume. I think it will take me a while to finally give up.” I smiled at her. “But I will support Reiji. That’s a promise, and I don’t plan on breaking it. So…don’t worry.”

Once again, I felt my eyes clouding with liquid, as my throbs with an unexplainable, bitter pain.

“…Yeah. We should really support him. But…about you feelings, I think it’s fine, isn’t it?”

Her words were gentle, and sad.

“…Why would you say that?”

“Our feeling for them was never a lie. Therefore, it should be fine for us to embrace them even for a little longer. I will never forget Reiji, I love him, and then someday… Someday, I will be able to let go of my feelings. “

Both of us stayed silent as we sat on one of the bench in the area. We both looked up at the sky above, the unending stretch of blue seemed to be brighter yet sadder than usual.

With our hearts feeling a pang of bittersweet emotion, we both wished the best of luck for our best friend. His last name meant “past” but right now, he was heading for the future.