Ren turned around in surprise to see the dark haired guy from earlier place his hand against the chest of the creep and push him carefully but confidently away.

Colin swore heavily before adding a rude hand gesture for extra effect and prowling away back through the heaving, pulsating throng of the dance floor.

"Thanks, it’s Gabriel right?" Ren grinned, eyeing the other guy up and down. “I’m Ren.”

Gabriel was wearing obscenely tight jeans with an equally tight black shirt, open wide at the collar. His tanned skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat that was illuminated under the multi-coloured lights of the club.

Gabriel nodded and leaned forwards as his hand rested lightly on Ren's hip, almost questioningly. Ren nodded in consent as Gabriel smiled and began guiding the two of them to start moving to the music. He brought his head side by side with Ren's and whispered into his ear with a gust of warm breath, "Haven't seen you here before Ren,"

Ren snorted a laugh and moved his hips so as to shove Gabriel off and let Ren take control instead.

"Do people still use that line?" Ren grinned widely, his eyes narrowed in a playful challenge.

Gabriel whistled an intake of breath and laughed, shaking his head."Okay, I'll admit, I thought I had you pegged - guess I was wrong," he shrugged, but made no move to back away. Instead, Gabriel drew closer, his hips still swaying with the music; clearly he knew how to dance.

Ren smirked, he was buzzed from the alcohol and Klio's performance. Also he knew that he too looked pretty okay under these lights. His vest was skimpy and low and there was still the smattering of glitter drawn across his collarbone from Klio's embrace. He caught Gabriel’s eyes flick down occasionally as if drawn in by the shimmer.

"So as you seem to know – I’m Gabriel," Gabriel smiled. Ren caught his breath,

Gabriel was even hotter when he smiled, full and wide - saturated in boyish charm. But there was a maturity to him too, slight creases around his eyes, laughter lines etched by the sides of his pink lips. He had to be in late twenties or early thirties. He could possibly be older, the thought filled Ren with unfamiliar excitement.

"You an angel then?" Ren grinned mischievously, allowing his body to finally slot against Gabriel's as they continued to dance. A small hitch of breath and widened pupils were all the signs that Ren needed to know that he was affecting Gabriel in all the right ways.

"Only on weekdays," Gabriel growled with a chuckle, reaching out to pull Ren's face closer to his as their foreheads rested against each other, both looking down at their interlocked hips. Gabriel's fingers were gentle but strong in Ren's hair, massaging small circles across his scalp, setting fireworks off across his nerve endings.

"Want another drink?" Gabriel asked as he drew back to watch Ren pretend to think about it, slowly and deliberately licking his lips as if he were parched.

Gabriel laughed and pulled Ren back against him as they stepped into the centre of the dance floor, pushed together by the sweating bodies around them. Clearly, he was no newcomer to this scene and had seen through Ren's act. Regardless, he still seemed pretty entranced by it.

"You're fucking beautiful," Gabriel mumbled, mouthing hungrily at Ren's ear, causing the younger boy to tip his head back with a moan, exposing the bare column of his throat as Gabriel moved to suck his lips against that with equally expert precision.

The word 'beautiful' had never annoyed Ren, despite its traditionally feminine connotations. He had accepted pretty early on the kind of man he was going to look like and the compliment now only had the effect of making his blood run even hotter. The sense of being wanted, being desired by someone who looked like he could probably have anyone in this place, it was addictive.

“You’re not bad either,” Ren giggled as Gabriel’s nose tickled the back of neck, his tongue flicking out to intimately lap up the taste of Ren’s skin. “Gabriel’s an unusual name though…”

“French,” Gabriel replied in explanation, “my father was French-Japanese.”

“Oh,” Ren replied, genuinely surprised, he almost found himself telling Gabriel about his own parents when a hand slipped lower across his abdomen and he realised that his family was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about right now.

Ren wasn't sure how they found themselves tumbling, laughing out of the club into the alley at the back. He was probably a lot drunker than he had remembered allowing himself to be.

Gabriel seemed pretty intoxicated too, fumbling with his own shirt as he undid several more buttons. Gabriel grabbed Ren's hand and moved it to place it against his own chest. Ren could feel Gabriel's heart beating fast and hard as the other man took his other hand and interlaced their fingers together as they kissed with unnecessary urgency.

Ren moaned and gasped as Gabriel steered them so Ren's back thudded against a stone wall. It was decorated on every inch with graffitied profanities and all the colours of a nineties rave.

"You good?" Gabriel asked, pulling his face back from Ren's and grinning. Ren couldn't help but stare, wondering if he looked at undone as the other man did.

Gabriel's shirt was half hanging off on one side, revealing a toned, muscular shoulder. His hair was completely messed up, thanks to Ren's desperate, seeking fingers. His lips were dark and swollen, a sheen of spit coated them as Ren leaned forward needily to seek them out again.

Ren placed his mouth against Gabriel's, his lips vocalising the words before he could snatch them back, "I want you to fuck me now."

Adrenaline coursed through Ren's veins, along with excitement, want and need. However it took only a few moments of Gabriel groaning in a pleasured response for Ren to realise what he had just said.

He supposed it was almost a testament to how comfortable he had finally managed to become in his own fantasy driven self image that he had kept playing the part this far.

Ren knew what he wanted to be - he wanted to be the guy that someone like Gabriel chose to take out of the club, pushed against a wall and desired.

He wanted Gabriel to reach hungrily towards his fly, swear in French as the buttons slipped against his damp fingertips. He wanted to be the guy that was able to raise his eyebrows cockily as his boxers were slid down to his knees, as if sending a challenge to Gabriel - Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?

But he wasn't that guy.

Sure, he was ‘beautiful’ in the right lighting and the right alcohol levels. Sure, he could say the right things, he could flirt like his life depended on it and he was able to surprise his partners when they realised the level of filth his innocent looking mouth could come out with. But the truth was, he knew that if he let Gabriel unpick that final button and push down his jeans, hard and anticipating, the illusion would be shattered. The shards of Ren's fantasy that kept him going would be strewn over the dirt caked cobbles of a Soho back alley.

Gabriel had no idea Ren was trans. He had no idea about top surgery, about the pain of recovery, the scars that hurt in the cold. He didn't know about the injections, self administered into an abused thigh. He didn't know about the trauma of a body reaching in on itself, pulling itself inside out and striving to wear a new skin.

In that moment, Ren both fucking hated and wanted Gabriel. This handsome stranger from the bar that was looking at Ren as if he was finally starting to realise something was wrong.

"What did I do?" Gabriel asked with a look of genuine concern that curdled Ren's insides.

"Niente," Ren replied dully before remembering he wasn’t with campus friends. “Nothing, I have to go."

Gabriel swore, taking a few steps back and running his hand down his face before staring curiously at Ren. He was still horribly attractive as he pulled his shirt back up over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off of Ren. "I apologise kid, I think I've drunk too much, I misunderstood -" Gabriel began.

"No," Ren snapped before the other man could say sorry again, he didn't want that, god he didn't want that. "No Gabriel you really didn't misunderstand."

‘You were perfect!’ Ren wanted to shout.

"Can I?" Gabriele started to ask, taking another step forwards.

Make sure you get home safe?

Know what the hell is wrong with you?

Kiss you again?

Ren never got to find out what Gabriel wanted to ask. Instead, he steeled himself and pushed forwards off the wall. Ren knew he looked a mess, but he could predict it was probably still in the right way for Gabriel right now as Ren flashed him a wide, seductive smile and winked. "Un'altra notte," he announced confidently, despite the shaking in his legs.

Another night

Gabriel laughed, the worry dissipating from his face as he shook his head in disbelief. Ren winked again and turned away, wanting Gabriel’s laughing to be the last image of him from that night. Ren swallowed hard as he began to speed up his walk on out of the alley. He swung left round a row of dumpsters, finally allowing himself deep, gulping breaths of the chilly night air.

“Fuck confidence,” Ren muttered, shaking his head angrily, willing the drunken light headedness to go away now, “look where that gets me.”

Ren began to stride down the street, quickly fishing out his phone from his pocket and rattling off an explanation text to Aurora to say he was safe and going to catch the nightbus home.

“Watch yourself!” an angry voice exclaimed as Ren felt himself collide with another body.

“Shit, sorry!” Ren looked up, his mouth falling open in surprise as he stared into the anxious and sweating face of Professor Möller.

“Professor!” Ren gasped, helping the other man back up to his feet. Möller didn’t look well and he was glancing furtively around them as if he expected a phantom to jump out from the shadows.

“Do I know you?” Möller enquired, his eyes narrowing hard at Ren as he took a step back.

“I’m Renzo Harper,” Renzo explained, “We met in Professor Ayman’s office last week?”

“You’re a student of Jabari’s?” Möller surged forwards, his hands gripping Ren’s shoulders hard enough to hurt.

“Er, yeah,” Ren winched, trying to shrug the other man off. He couldn’t smell alcohol but he was pretty confused as to what the professor was doing in Soho at this time. It dawned on Ren maybe he was actually on his way to see Jabari?

“Were you trying to get to the Big Bird, Professor?” Ren began when he felt Möller’s damp and freezing hand slap across his mouth to quieten him.

Ren frowned as Möller turned round to squint into the darkness of the alleyway. There was a noise like a fox knocking something over, or perhaps it was more people stumbling out from the clubs.

“No time,” Möller snapped, thrusting a document folder forwards into Ren’s hands. “You have to give this to Professor Ayman.”

“I mean…” Ren frowned, “I’m going home now but sure, I see him at ten on Monday.”

“He must get this,” Möller hissed, his face panic stricken and white. “He has to – it’s about Isabella, she knew - occultatum est cor meum in igne.”

Ren took a large breath of fresh air to try and steady himself, he was still drunk and the street was starting to tip dangerously to the left.

“Yeah, I promise Professor. But…” Ren looked up in confusion but the other man was already hurrying away from him down the alley. Ren staggered back to the main street and saw the bus trundle past on its way to the closest stop.

“Shit!” Ren swore and started to sprint after it.