- Do you know what I want to do?
She appeared mere minutes after they contacted her informing where they had ran off to this time, as if she was already on her way. Ametyr was a heavensent, as she was always there to stop Choli from staining their public image even more, and to keep them safe from drunk shenaningans. That's why they called her.
That and, well, she was good company.
A little too drunk and just enought to talk without a filter, it was easier to drink when you didn't have the pressure of being judged.
- Usually, yes. Most of the time.
- I can surprise you.
- ... Go on.
- I want to jump off a bridge.
- Kill yourself? I can't let that-
- No. - they insisted - Kind of - They corrected themself - I want to jump off a bridge, to kill myself. And survive but, I won't be sad that I survived. In fact I'll be glad, because halfway through my fall I'll see that, all the things I was jumping off the bridge for could be easily dealt with. And the view from halfway down would bring up all the remorse of things I didnt do, and how I could do right by the people I love and let down, and a voice saying "if only I hadn't jumped off a bridge, I could become someone better, someone my children would be proud to call their dad". Did you know Jonathan calls me by my name? And Lilium is not yet talking, even with the special needs guys we got her and sign language tutor, but I worry that I won't be able to be a Dad for her either.
- And why wait until you survive a suicide attempt? Why not just do the things you want to do now?
Ametyr had a blank expression, and even alone with her best friend she wouldn't take her glasses off, but the uninpressed tone she spoke welcomed Choli as if it reassured them that they weren't out of their minds. It was understandable, but not advisable to go through with it.
- Because right now I don't know any of these things. I don't know what i would want to do, I don't know how I hurt them so I could apologise, I don't know right now if any of these things would make me regret jumping off. There's no prize to win for me if I pull the right levers and push the buttons corectly the way I am right now. I want to have joy in the things I do again, and my motivation just. Blew away. If i jumped off a bridge, the view I would get halfway down would clear everything up, and the regret of jumping off and surviving would make me a better person.
Silence. And Ametyr poured another drink, as she thought about it. At this rate the glasses may have had a leak, as they were becoming empty at a much faster speed.
- You know i can't get you a bridge.
- I know.
- You have to figure these things out the hard way. You know. The bridge plan is a good catalyzer, but your luck is way too bad to make a bet that high.
Humor, welcomed in such a conversation.
- Yes, I think I spent all of my luck getting to know Quilynn and you.
- A good bargain, if I say so myself. So cherish us and the byproducts.
- That's a weird way to describe my children.
- So you care about how I speak of your children?
- I care about them.
- So we can start by trying to fix that. It's a small goal, considering what you asking from a bridge.
Ametyr took their cup and filled it again. Choli waved their hand lightly, pushing the drink away, and Ametyr sat down with both glasses on her hands.