Sometimes, when Lonely went through all of his books, he found ones that he didn’t particularly like anymore. What he did with those books was simple, he donated them back to the one place that would properly look after them, Wisdom’s stall.

It had been some time since the Performance, but he wasn’t sure how long. The days blended into each other after thousands of years of living. It should have been long enough for him to forget about the strange conversation he’d had with Confidence during the Performance, but whenever he wasn’t distracted by something, it drifted back into his mind.

Of course, he did nothing about it. He couldn’t seek Confidence out. What would he even ask him? By the time he had come up with the idea to ask him, it had been so long since it happened that it would be weird if he showed up out of the blue to demand answers. It was easier just to leave it. After the Performance, he doubted Confidence would try to speak to him again.

Every time he thought about it, there was a strange feeling in his stomach, one similar to his constant ache of loneliness. It had been nice, talking to someone, even if he continued to mess it up, but after the last time, there was no way it would happen again. It was better that way. It was how it was supposed to be.

Zajed wasn’t as busy when he walked down into town. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear the sound of cheers, meaning one of the others had put on a stage play again. Not everyone was there, but most of them were. He hadn’t seen a play in centuries because he never knew when they were on. One day, he would have to find when one was on and sneak in.

Wisdom was busy with another customer when he arrived at the stall. Against his better judgement, he browsed through the books, knowing that he would have bought far too many if he’d brought his coin collection with him. He’d left the coins in their container in his book-filled living room in an attempt not to fuel his little addiction. He was getting rid of some, he couldn’t immediately replace them.

“More books for me, Lonely?” Wisdom said when the other customer walked away, arms filled with books.

“Just a few I don’t like anymore,” he said and handed the small pile over. “They’re in good condition.”

“I’m sure they are,” the old man replied, skimming through them anyway. Lonely waited impatiently, shifting from foot to foot as Wisdom placed the books in their desired places. He did get something in return for his donations, either Wisdom returned a few of the coins for him to use later or gave him some books. Lonely didn’t want either of those things this time.

When Wisdom was finished, he gave Lonely a tired smile. “What can I give you today? I’m hoping books, I’m not really in the mood to give up something from my collection,” he said and let out a short laugh.

“Neither,” Lonely said and hissed in a breath at the confused frown on Wisdom’s face. “I… I want to know when the next play is on.”

Wisdom opened and closed his mouth, reminding Lonely of the fish he sometimes saw in his visions. The idea to ask about the plays came to him the second he saw the stall, but part of him regretted asking. Would Wisdom tell someone that he’d been asking about them? Surely, it was alright for him to watch if he didn’t talk to anyone.

“Give me a moment and I’ll find out for you,” Wisdom finally said, stepping away from him before he got a chance to reply. He tapped his foot against the ground and crossed his arms over his chest. He never should have asked. “You wouldn’t happen to know when the next play is on, would you, Confidence?”

Lonely blanched, a sick feeling in his stomach as he locked eyes with the blonde man across the stall. “Erm, not for another two weeks, I believe. Why?” he asked, still staring at Lonely.

“Customer wants to know,” Wisdom replied, taking no notice of the other man’s distraction.

Confidence frowned and Lonely wanted nothing more than to run away, but his feet were firmly stuck to the ground. “Lonely wants to know?” he asked but before Wisdom could reply, he moved around the stall to stand before him. “I didn’t know you were interested in the plays.”

It took him a moment to reply, struggling to form the words. They hadn’t spoken since the Performance, when Lonely had messed it up again. “I haven’t been to one in a long time,” he replied, trying for nonchalant but his voice shook too much.

There was a look on Confidence’s face then, one he couldn’t read and instead decided to ignore it. “There’s one in two weeks,” he said and smiled at him. “Love was telling me about it the other day because he’s doing the music.”

Love’s music was always good to listen to. “I’ll have to go then,” he said, hating how awkward the conversation was. It was his own fault though.

“Yeah,” Confidence replied and looked into the distance with a sigh. “Well, I had better-”

“At the Performance, you said-” Lonely said and stopped with a hiss of breath when Confidence looked back at him. There was something like surprise hidden in their depths, but it couldn’t be, they weren’t allowed to feel anything but their namesake. The look in his eyes made him stop and rethink everything he wanted to say. “You said you wanted book recommendations, didn’t you?”

Once again, a grin broke out across Confidence’s face as if nothing was wrong. “I did! I was about to ask Wisdom like you suggested but if you’re willing…”

“I am,” Lonely said before he could stop himself. He should have asked why Confidence wanted to talk to him, why he was trying so hard, but he couldn’t. All he could do was keep the man at his side for as long as possible.

And so, ignoring the way his whole body shook, he took Confidence around the square stall. Wisdom’s prying eyes followed him but he tried not to pay too much attention to them, unsure of what he would find in the old man’s face if he looked up, nothing good if past experience was anything to go by.

Confidence had no idea what kind of books he liked, so Lonely took him around to all of his favourites, including those by Shakespeare and Dickens, who was still up and coming. A lot of the time, he only got hums of disinterest in response to his rambles, but sometimes Confidence would smile and take the book from his hands, adding it to a growing pile.

“Do you have something to trade for all of that?” Lonely asked, frowning down at the number of books the other held.

Confidence shrugged. “I’ll think of something,” he said.

“Wisdom usually accepts ancient coins.”

There was silence for a moment as he drifted past the books, looking for any he thought Confidence might like. When he looked behind him, Confidence watched him with a strange look. “You really like books, don’t you?” he asked.

There were a long few seconds where Lonely wasn’t sure how he was supposed to reply. Wisdom had gone to tend to another customer, meaning he was safe from prying eyes and ears. “It takes me away,” he said

“From what?” Confidence asked, frowning.

He’d already said too much, but he couldn’t stop. It was the first time in his life someone had asked him. “From life,” he said and turned away before anything else could be said.

He picked up a few books he remembered having in his extensive collection, skimming the back to make sure they seemed like something Confidence would enjoy. He knew nothing about it and picking out books was a learning experience, one he was slowly getting the hang of. A bright cover caught his eye and he grabbed it.

As he read of the back of it, Confidence knocked shoulders with him and when Lonely looked up, he shot him a smile. “Do you think I’d like that one?” he asked and gestured down at the book in his hands.

“No,” Lonely replied. “I think I would.” He wasn’t supposed to be getting any more books, but it sounded interesting and he was far too curious for his own good.

Confidence laughed, an unexpected but welcome sound. “What about the others?”

Lonely handed them to him and most went back on the stall, but two stayed in his hands to be added to the pile. There was a lot there and Lonely wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to read them all, considering how it seemed to be the first time he’d actually been to the stall, but if he didn’t like them, he could always return them.

He felt awkward about rambling constantly about different books, but Confidence didn’t seem to mind it. He rejected or accepted the books with a smile, occasionally asking a question about them if he felt so inclined. The conversation was surprisingly nice, but Lonely couldn’t get rid of the strange butterflies in his stomach. He still didn’t know what had caused them.

Confidence called Wisdom over when he had enough books and the two discussed payment. Lonely still had the book he wanted in his hands, but he had nothing to pay for it with. He could easily ask Wisdom to hold onto it until the stall was open, surely that was possible.

“You can have it, Lonely,” Wisdom said when he asked. “You gave me plenty of books today, I think that’s a fair trade.”

Lonely smiled and put the book in the large pocket of the overcoat he wore. He had it deliberately to fit books and other big things in. The pockets were huge and he loved it. “Thank you, Wisdom.”

That made it far easier than getting the stall keeper to hold it for him. Confidence held a brown paper bag in his hands, smiling over the top of it. “Thanks for the recommendations, Lonely,” he said. “I’ll let you know what I think of them next time I see you.”

For a long moment, he had no idea what to say. Next time he saw him? Lonely had thought it was only going to be a one-off thing. No one ever talked to him, but for some reason, Confidence was going out of his way to do so and he couldn’t understand why.

He didn’t get a chance to ask before a familiar face appeared at Confidence’s shoulder, followed by many others. Sadness gave Lonely a look he couldn’t decipher and tapped at Confidence’s shoulder. “What are you doing over here? We’ve been waiting for you,” they said.

Confidence startled and turned towards them. “Is it that time already?” he said and turned to the rest of the group. Lonely caught sight of Love’s dark face and Happy’s olive one, both of which were silently watching with bored expressions. “I lost track of time, I’m sorry.”

“What were you doing?” Sadness asked, briefly shooting a look at Lonely.

“Getting some book recommendations. I heard Lonely was the best person to ask about them,” he said, still smiling as if nothing was wrong. But something was terribly wrong, Sadness had caught him talking to people when he wasn’t supposed to be.

Lonely made a desperate noise in the back of his throat. “We’re done now though, he has all the books he wants,” he said, the words coming out in a rush. “It was just book recommendations.”

“I should think so,” Sadness said, looking at their nails as if they were far more entertaining than anything else Lonely had to say. “Go back to your home, Lonely, where you belong.”

It was harsh but calmer and nicer than a lot of the things Sadness had said to him during his training centuries ago and all the times they were alone together.

He wasn’t going to wait around for the words to get worse. With the book he bought in his coat pocket, he pushed past Confidence and Sadness, not daring to look either in the eye. Those behind them, Love, Happy and Sadness’ partner Disgust among them, watching him in silence. They didn’t care enough to say anything, but he wasn’t surprised, they didn’t know him. They weren’t allowed to.

Something bumped into his side, but he didn’t pay any attention to it, desperate to get away. Sadness knew that he and Confidence had been talking and now they would never speak again. It was how everything went. He was supposed to be lonely, not allowed to have friends like all the others, all in an attempt to do his job properly.

He hated it. Tears streamed down his face as he walked, his stomach clenching tightly. He hated it so much, but there was no way to change it. That was the way things had been for centuries and it was how it would always be.