Noa folded the letter again and slid it back into the envelope. They’d found it stuck to the outside of the NBH security door earlier. Now in their room they looked down on their kingdom of mess and wondered what to do with it all. Surely some of these stuffed animals had been given with romantic attachments, and that thought made it unbearable to imagine keeping them all.

They held the letter in it’s envelope up and contemplated what kind of love it was Iris had been imagining. They knew that Iris’ parents were wealthy and struggled with infertility, and that’s why they got involved with the doctors that made genetically non-binary children possible. Noa would love to say they knew Iris’ parents. As inseparable as Noa and Iris had been, her parents were almost always away, always separate from her. What Noa did know of them was mostly that Iris’ mother was little more than a trophy wife. Beautiful, eternally beautiful, as Iris’ father’s money was apparently the fountain of youth. Iris herself was treated more like a gem to the rich man than a child. Paraded about like a prized possession, an example of medical miracles, and how he was funding this research for the benefit of mankind. Essentially, Iris was the best child money could buy.

Noa’s parents were no less wealthy, but they had love. They always had time for Noa, they raised their child together, and protected them as much as possible from the world. All genetically modified children and their parents received anger and threats for “meddling with God’s creations,” but Noa had not been used as a poster child the way Iris had been.

Their thoughts turned to wondering how Iris had missed out on it since she spent so much of her time with Noa and their parents. But maybe this is what Iris needs to figure it out. Maybe Iris had to make a mistake to learn the difference between possessing someone and loving someone? Noa knew they didn’t feel the same for Iris. Iris wasn’t like a sister, or a lover. Iris was another part of Noa. They felt the tears coming as they thought about Iris. She was as necessary as breathing, a part of every heartbeat, she was Noa’s light in the dark. Noa loved her dearly, unconditionally. They would love her through this. Noa held the letter to their heart as they sobbed, pouring out every bit of hurt with their tears.

Some time later, the sky was dark and Noa was mindlessly staring out from their place on their bed. Ciel knocked softly at their door. “Come in,” Noa called out weakly.

“Noa, uh,” Ciel poked their head in and spied them curled up on their bed. “Tani wants to come in?”

“Ok,” Noa nodded and pushed up into a sitting position.

Ciel returned with Tani in tow and flicked on the light switch at the wall. They all three stared at the mess on the floor, a mixture of stuffies and clothing. “It’s not normally like this,” Noa mumbled apologetically.

“Ciel, can you grab some drinks?” Tani asked quietly. Ciel nodded and headed to the kitchen. “Noa,” she made her way through the mess to sit beside Noa on the bed, “want some help picking up?”

Noa nodded thoughtfully. “Yeh, um, they’re all from her. Some I want to keep…” Tani placed a hand on Noa’s back and rubbed it in slow comforting circles.

“We’ll get through it, together. The other week,” Tani stopped rubbing and leaned forward to catch Noa’s eyes, “when we argued?” Noa nodded, keeping eye contact with Tani even as Ciel returned with three bottles of water. “I almost told you then, how Iris felt. I feel like I’m kind of responsible for this mess.” Tani’s face was red with the effort it took to admit that. “I feel like she’d have kept quiet if i hadn’t…”

“No.” Noa said it quietly but it was without reservation. They sat up straighter and reached a hand for Tani’s, “This is Iris’ mess.” Noa’s eyes filled with tears again, “And mine, I guess. I should have known. But it’s not you, it’s not because of you.” Noa pulled Tani into a hug. “I do need your help with the stuffies, though,” Noa gave a lighthearted laugh and pulled away. They both looked to see that Ciel had cleared a space just big enough for them to sit in and was currently petting a stuffed toy cat.

“I think, too, Noa, that you should know, I’m not just here because Iris hurt you, but what she did hurt Ciel.” Noa looked at Tani as she gazed at the younger enby.

They scrunched their brow, “Are you two???”

“No,” Ciel said without looking up. “Not yet.”

“But you liked Marceau?” Noa was confused.

“They’ve convinced me there’s more to liking someone than just them being cute. So right now, I’m going to take my time and get to know them.” Tani smiled softly. “Either way, let’s dive in!” Which is almost exactly what Tani did, sliding from Noa’s bed and burying herself in the mess, all but the apple sized blonde bun that bobbled at the top of her head.

Noa laid the letter aside and joined them on the floor. With three people it didn’t take long to sort what was to be donated and what was being kept. The handful of stuffies that were staying took a place on a shelf for now. The others were placed in a bag that Tani would drop by the children’s hospital over the weekend.

They parted ways with hugs and after a shower Noa laid again in bed. With pen and paper they started their reply to Iris.