The tag on the door wrote ‘Postgraduate Researchers’. A smell of mould and old paper wafted from the room when Ocean opened it. Takehiko followed him in and saw about ten or so desks cramped next to each other, with several bookcases filled up to the brim in between. There was a small table with an overused automatic coffee machine, marks of tear and abuse covering its once red colour, and a small fridge with chocolate bars and other treats.

“Can I have some?” he asked, looming over the table.

“Help yourself. Coffee’s fifty cents, everything else has a price tag.”

Ocean sat down at the desk at the far left corner of the room, right next to the window. He booted the computer and soon started typing furiously. Takehiko got his coffee and a KitKat, left some change in a purple piggy bank and shuffled around, observing everything that surrounded him. 

He could easily imagine himself sitting at one of the desks, building a highly sophisticated rocket in a state-of-the-art computer and having in-depth conversations about the most complicated problems the human mind could fathom. They most likely talk about rugby all day long though, Takehiko humoured in his thoughts as he was munching his treat. 

There were so many posters hanging on the walls. Some were old and faded by the sun and some were brand new, their pictures shiny and glossy. He couldn’t understand a word he was seeing but he couldn’t help being fascinated. One of them had a familiar face on the top left. Takehiko squinted his eyes to see better. 

“Oheezeen Ryan?”

“It’s pronounced Osheen,” Ocean replied and kept typing without taking his eyes away from the screen.

“Is that your name?”

“Yes.”

“I thought it was Ocean.”

“No, I said you can call me Ocean. My name’s Oisín. Oisín Ryan.”

“Osheen, got it,” said Takehiko and grabbed a chair. He turned it around, sat on it with its back on the front and rolled closer. “So I can call you that?”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

Takehiko hummed softly and looked at what Ocean was typing. Lines after lines of gibberish on a dark blue font. Some words were pink, some white, some green. Too many symbols that simply didn’t make sense together. He sipped his coffee but winced. It was still too hot. Instead, he finished his candy and put the wrapper in his pocket. “What are you working on?”

“General relativistic magnetohydrodynamic simulations of supermassive black hole jets.”

“Wow, that’s quite the mouthful!”

“Try saying that ten times as fast as you can,” Ocean teased and punched the return key. He then lay back on his chair and exhaled loudly. “Now we wait.”

“That was it?”

“Told you, didn’t I?”

“So what are you waiting for now?”

“The test simulation to finish. If it doesn’t crash we’re golden. If it does, then...” Ocean paused and shrugged. “So what have you been up to, hmm? Got any more crazy date stories to share?”

Takehiko giggled. “I wish I had any kind of date stories. No such luck. The only news is that I got a part-time job, starting next Tuesday, and that we’re moving out at the end of the month.”

“Oh yeah, Aya mentioned it. With two bedrooms?”

“Yeah, I can finally sleep in peace.”

“I can’t imagine how it feels to sleep in the same bed with Aya. I’m having a hard time just being in the same room with her. You’re truly a hero, like. So, where will you be working?”

“Remember that café with that white piano two streets from here? Solaris?”

“I do.”

“There,” said Takehiko and tried his coffee again. Just perfect. He had a mouthful and continued, “I’ll be waiting during the week when I don’t have classes. Sometimes the weekends when it’s too busy. I’ve been there so many times, I’m more than keen to work for them. The couple that runs it are so nice and kind to me.”

“Those two girls, eh? Didn’t know they were a couple.”

“They are, yeah. They’re getting married next June.”

“Ah, here, look at you, you know all the gossip!”

Takehiko snickered and during the next few minutes he sipped his coffee in silence, watching Ocean repeating several laps of typing and cursing.

“Did you write that song for me?” the blond suddenly asked while moving his computer’s mouse around, zooming and clicking at spots in certain colourful images Takehiko couldn’t even begin to fathom how they could make any sense at all.

“I don’t know. I thought of someone while I was working on it. It could’ve been you, but it could’ve been anyone.”

Ocean put everything aside, turned around, squinted and pursed his lips. “Are ye quoting me?”

“Maybe I am,” said Takehiko and crossed his arms on top of the chair’s back with a big smile. “Maybe I’m not.” 

“The cheek of ya!”

They both laughed in unison. Takehiko’s cup reached its white bottom as he drank the last drop. He crinkled it in his hand and tossed it in the trashcan across the room. He missed but ignored it. That looked like a job for his near future self. 

“So, umm-” Takehiko began with very little confidence, “there’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now and umm-” He paused. “Nevermind.”

“What is it?”

“I-It’s not that important. What’s up with you?”

“Také,” said Ocean, his voice coloured with annoyance. “You can’t just start talking about something and then simply dismissing it. You must tell me. Now.”

“Y-yeah... S-so… I think I’m g-g-” Takehiko tried to utter but the word stuck between his teeth. He pushed and pushed until finally he took a deep breath and started from the top. “I think I’m g-gay.”

Ocean wheezed amused. “Did you figure that out all by yourself, Sherlock?”

“S-shut up, it’s not funny,” said Takehiko firmly but chuckled back. “I thought I was like you, y’know? Like a bit of everything. But I don’t think so anymore. I tried going on a date with this g-girl and we kissed, but-”

“I thought you said you had no date stories!”

“Exactly, it was nothing worth talking about. No spark, no passion, nothing. It probably was just with her but... with the guys I’ve kissed… There were always fireworks, y’know?”

“How many people have you kissed so far?”

“With you included, four.”

“Here, listen, I reckon that’s quite the number, like!” Ocean quipped. “You’re still very young, there’s loads of time to discover yourself so! But even if you are gay, what’s with the puss? Boys are great! Girls you say? All they do is clog your shower drain with their hair and leave soggy tampons all over the place. Who needs them?”

“My family does and soon I’ll need one too. Didn’t you ever have any problems when you first realised you liked guys?”

“I did. My parents aren’t the most gay-friendly people I know, unfortunately.”

“So you g-get it, right?” Takehiko asked anxiously. “My father will never speak to me ever again. If I’m lucky. Plus, my whole damn life I’ve been called g-gay and whatnot. Just because I look a bit more feminine or because I would hang out mostly with girls. Because I’m not sporty enough but I play music and sing instead. Apparently, all that makes me the perfect practice target and it clearly determines my sexuality even though I’ve never fallen for anyone. And now that I finally found the ‘wrong’ sex attractive, it’s like… it’s like I owe them a medal or something, y’know?”

“You owe them nothing, Také,” said Ocean calmly. “Fuck them lot. Their punches reflect nothing but their own insecurities. What should matter most to ye is to figure out yourself and be happy in yer own shoes. It’s not easy but nothing will happen unless you start trying.”

“How?”

“Go out on dates, kiss people, have your heart broken! Anything that will help you realise who you truly are. If you're waiting for tomorrow to start living your life it'll be too late.”

“And how am I supposed to do that? I barely have any friends to begin with. I’m completely invisible. I talk to people and I hardly ever get anything back. Like no one ever sees me, the real me. I’ve never had a single-”

Takehiko paused as Ocean grasped his hands tight. He began drifting away, the man’s words fading into an echo. He let himself drown inside the grey waters that were watching him with great compassion. Ocean’s warm touch made his skin melt between those two rough palms.

He could only hear his heart pounding as if he had been running several laps around a football stadium. They were so close to each other he could almost feel the tingle from the static electricity in those tiny molecules of air that stood between them. 

He observed as Ocean’s slim fingers were firmly surrounding his. He studied those fingers one by one while Ocean’s comforting words were embracing him like a warm blanket. The side of the right index was a bit discoloured than the rest, possible reminders of a recent burn. The middle left had a little bump on the top knuckle, a sign of years of writing, and a yellow tint, nothing more than a smoker’s tattoo. They seemed harsh but kind. Hands that would suffer to help others. Hands that would touch his cheeks, his neck, his waist and make his blood boil.

He wondered if his fingers would fit perfectly in those gaps between Ocean’s, if their palms would lock comfortably and tight, like two puzzle pieces that were meant to be right next to each other. For a moment he wished it was true but Ocean’s voice shattered his daydreams like a baseball breaking the glass of a window. 

“You are not invisible, ye hear me? You are very much real. You’re a wonderful, valid human being. Who you are, who you choose to be, who you are meant to be. I feel lucky to have met you, to be able to hang out with you. It means the world to me that you’ve entrusted me your worries. And I’m certain that there are others who think the same. But if the people you think you know don’t see how amazing you are, then you’re probably looking at the wrong place-”

“I uh-” Takehiko began saying but the words inside his brain seemed to have evaporated. All kinds of emotions seemed to explode at once, none of which he could understand. His chest had either stopped or was moving so fast he couldn’t catch up with it. His ears had caught fire. In a snap decision of his empty brain, Takehiko got up and darted across the room, leaving Ocean perplexed and speechless.