Wednesday

When school was over, and Senn actually made it through the entire day without going home, he had one thing on his mind, and one thing only; hide for the rest of the day and listen to the mixtape his dad had once made for his mom a long time ago. It was mostly the spoken words of his dad that he kept playing on repeat, it was addicting to listen to.

But when he went inside the house of his aunt and uncle, he heard sounds coming from upstairs. It sounded like someone was in the room that he used, moving around something remotely heavy. He rushed up the stairs and walked to the open door, finding his uncle Dean and aunt Tessa in it. In between them, they had a big cardboard box from IKEA.

“What’s going on?”

“Senn!” Tessa smiled when she noticed him. She looked back and forth between the box, Dean and Senn before she explained what was in fact going on.

“We bought you a desk. That way you can set it up in your room and do your homework behind it, instead of on the floor or on your bed.”

“Of course, you are still welcome to use the kitchen table too,” Dean added, his hands on his hips. “What do you think? Want to put the desk up together? Tessa isn’t that great with stuff like this.”

“How about you both leave the room and just leave me be? I don’t want your stupid desk.”

They both looked take aback, Tessa visibly upset by his reaction. He could understand why. For the past few months they had gone above and beyond to help him and Killian out. By taking them in, by spending days on end in hospital when Senn was still in it. By helping Killian sell their parental home, by moving everything out, sorting it out, selling stuff—really, above and beyond.

But he didn’t want any of it. He didn’t need a decorated room, or a stupid desk. He just wanted to go back in time, and move back into his own room, with his own parents giving him stuff that he needed.

“Right,” Dean eventually said, after the silence had dragged on for a while. “Let me know when you feel like putting it up. Just know that we’re here for you when you need anything.”

“I don’t need anything. I don’t value trivial possessions. I just need people to leave me the fuck alone.”

“We know,” Tessa said, walking up to him. “But just in case, we got you a laptop too, so you can get rid of the old one—”

“That belonged to my Dad. Are you nuts? I’m not getting rid of that.” Senn walked up to his bed, grabbing the laptop and hugged it to his chest. “Stop telling me I need new stuff. Whatever I have is important for multiple reasons.”

“I know, I just don’t think it’s going to be good enough for school…”

“I don’t care about school, okay? Just… give me some space! You two are smothering me.”

Senn had expected to hit a nerve. He had expected Dean to finally lose his cool. But he didn’t, and neither did Tessa. Dean put his arm around Tessa and they both smiled sadly at him. “Okay, we’ll give you more space. Do you want to eat alone? We can call when we’re done so you have the kitchen to yourself.”

Senn bit his lip, touched by how much patient they had with him. Snapping at them didn’t have the same effect as it had on his parents when they were still around. They wouldn’t have accepted his attitude. Yet, here his aunt and uncle were, smiling at him, calm as ever, suggesting to give him time alone in the kitchen to eat dinner instead of telling him to act like an adult and stop the tantrums.

Senn admired them for it, but in that moment, he was simply too hurt and upset to be nice to them. It wasn’t their fault—or anyone else’s fault for that matter—but that only meant that they were making it really hard for Senn to blame anyone but himself.

“Just leave me alone,” Senn muttered, shooing them out of his room.

He groaned, walked to his bed—which wasn’t more than a very comfortable matrass on a slatted frame on the floor—to drop onto it. He took the magic 8 ball out of his backpack, staring at it for a long time while remembering how his dad always used to ask questions to it that weren’t really important, but important in some way or another.

Like if Senn could get the BMX he had been asking for, for about three years already—my reply is no—and he still didn’t have it to that day. Or if Killian was allowed to go to his first party—Most likely. Or if they were allowed to drink before turning 21—yes, definitely.

He leaned his head against the ball, closing his eyes while releasing a deep sigh.

“Is it all my fault?”

He shook the ball, keeping his eyes closed because he was too afraid that even the magic 8 ball was going to tell him it was in fact all his own fault.

He slowly opened his eyes, lifting his head to look at the ball. First his left eye, but the letters were too blurry to read, so he opened his right eye too.

Better not tell you now.

Great, even a toy was too afraid of him snapping back to answer his questions with a direct answer. Why was the only one who wasn’t afraid to speak his mind Elio? Someone who didn’t even know him all that well.

“You’re just useless, aren’t you?” Senn mumbled to the ball, throwing it over his shoulder and onto the bed. He grabbed his dad’s old laptop and opened Netflix, searching for a movie or series that could take his mind off things. In the corner of his eye, he noticed a new answer on the magic 8 ball; my sources say no.

He took it in hand and held it while starting up a random action movie. “Funny, are we?” he smiled at it anyway, since it was exactly what his father could’ve answered on his remark.