The next week flew by for Ciel and Em, probably because they never wanted Saturday to come. It arrived with strong winds and heavy rains, just like last year. Em did tutor Noa in the morning, but then Em and Ciel disappeared.

They couldn’t afford the multi-state trip to visit their graves and so had settled on spending the day together. Original plan had been a picnic off campus, but with the weather they opted to enjoy lunch at the coffee shop in town. After their simple and solemn meal they stopped by the flower shop, each put together a bouquet for their parents.

Back on campus the two made their way to the chapel gardens. Neither were religious after what they had been through, but they also couldn’t think of a better place to mourn in silence together. Even in the rain, the garden was beautiful. Autumn blossoms were lining the paths as the trees started to change color. They found a secluded bench under a large maple tree. They placed the bouquets at the base of the tree.

“Mom and dad,” Ciel started off softly, “I don’t know if you can hear me from here. But I want you to know how much I miss you. Em’s doing his best to take care of me though, so don’t worry. You raised us to be strong. I hope you can see that. I hope I am making you proud.” Ciel dissolved into tears and Em wrapped their arms around them. “I’m sorry I never got to tell you about me. Mama, I’m not a girl. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

Em shushed Ciel. “No sorries. Mom and dad are just glad you’re free now.”

“Promise?”

“Yeh. They just wanted us both to be free. I should be the one apologizing, I still can’t own up to who I am. I’m sorry pops. I don’t know why, I just can’t lose the fear.” He broke down crying, pouring out his heart over the regret.

“Mama doesn’t want you to regret it, Em. Even dad, he just wants you to live better now.”

“Like you?”

Ciel chuckled, “yeh, like me. Can you learn a life lesson from your younger sibling?”

“I learn them all from you, Ciel. Let’s get out of the rain. We can watch movies in your room?” They walked through the rain back to NBH. They each took a shower before settling down in front of Ciel’s laptop for some movies.

Marceau tried to pay attention, but he knew it was futile. His memories took over, starting with the conversation he’d had with his parents about emancipation. He’d known his parents were struggling to get back on their feet financially, also that living with his grandparents was putting a lot of stress on everyone. They pulled him aside one August afternoon to discuss options.

“I just think it might be easier on you. If you’re working and going to school and taking care of yourself, you won’t have to hide who you are. And of course then we’d just have the three of us to work for.” His mom’s dirty blonde hair with soft curls bounced with each nod she gave, trying to not just convince him, but even herself, that this was a good idea.

His dad had held his hand and reassured him it wasn’t that they didn’t care. It was that they could see he was being held back by their limitations and mistakes. Looking back now, he wondered if perhaps one or both of them knew how it would go. If one of them had known that little over a month later they’d be gone.

Em agreed with his parents and that Monday they were filling out forms and working with a low income legal advisor. He was already working and his job was excited for his emancipation. It would mean more hours. Then the day came, everything was finalized. They were going out to celebrate, nothing fancy, just some burgers and fries, something they hadn’t had since moving in with grandmother.

Aside from the flashes of memory that often haunted his nightmares, Em doesn’t remember much from the actual accident. The CCTV footage was more than enough to supplement. A large moving van lost control in the rain turning at an intersection. It rolled, actually landing on the front half their car. Mom and dad were crushed from the hips down. Despite experienced first responders and the quickness of getting to the hospital, both of their parents were declared dead on arrival.

Even with this heartbreak, life was not done tearing them apart. Em was already set up in his own efficiency apartment, so when their grandparents came to the hospital, it was only Sarah they took home. He had been excluded from most of the arrangements for their funeral, and worse, they refused him any contact with his sibling.

He returned to his legal advisor to fight for custody and dropped out of school to work full time. He upgraded to a one bedroom apartment and initially was only awarded weekend visitation with Sarah. Em stayed in the living room area of the apartment and left the bedroom for Sarah.

A week later grandmother dropped Sarah and her things by the apartment. But they weren’t Sarah anymore. Ciel had chopped their long dirty blonde hair, and had cut holes into every pink or girly piece of clothing they had. Standing in the autumn breeze with ripped hand-me-down jeans and a worn out t-shirt, Em welcomed them with open arms.

With all the changes of course Child Protective Services got involved, a call from a teacher at Ciel’s school when they went from super femme cutie girl to transmasculine non-binary in the space of a weekend. Case workers, lawyers, therapists, and a judge all of a sudden had control of their lives. Every aspect of their life was put under a microscope, examined and pulled apart. Every decision Em made was questioned.

Good things came out of it, though. Em was taught how to work the system for things like medical care and food. He was given access to community help for clothes and furniture. And the best part, was actually being invited to apply for the scholarship to this school. Still, there’s nothing Em wouldn’t give, to just have their family back.