3/04/2020

Haven:

     I was going to keep myself at a distance. I was just going to sit back and offer my support while Amory and Aylward figured this out. I was going to...but the look on Amory's face when he broke down was haunting. I don’t know what he was thinking of, but it terrified him, and it broke him. My body reacted before my brain and pulled him in for a hug. He needed it desperately.

     Aylward and I talked about what had possibly been done to Amory during his childhood. We both know the odds are that he had it rough. We both hope that Hadeon formed some small attachment to Amory and treated him ok, but after that break down I don’t think he did.

     "When, or if, you want to talk about things I'm here. If you want to ignore this for a while, and gather your thoughts, I can totally just go to the other room. no pressure," I wait for Amory's decision. I'm not going to push him to talk about his past until he is ready.

     "Can we just skim over the parts about my dad for now? I don’t want to think about that anymore," he crosses his arms on the table and lays his head down, turned toward me, so we can still talk.

     "So......you like guys?" Well, there goes my mouth opening before my brain thinks things through. "I can't believe I just said that. you can ignore that question and me," I groan and then let me head fall to the table with a thunk, hopefully covering how red my face is. I look over at Amory and see that he is trying not to laugh. As soon as he catches my eye, he can't hold it in anymore and laughs until tears roll down his cheeks.

     "Yes...." he gasps with laughter. "I like guys." He looks over at me still smiling, obviously not offended by how I asked. "You are the first person I told. I have never felt safe enough to tell anyone else."

     "No one should feel unsafe in their home," I make sure he only sees compassion, not pity, while I talk to him.

     "That place was never my home, just my prison. I am starting to finally feel what home might feel like. Here with Aylward and you. Haven, you make me feel safe...."