Chapter Five: Gone 1/3

It was Thursday, and I already had an unnecessary amount of anxiety over the uniforms.

I had put it on today for school, and I was far too nervous for comfort.

Benny was putting her uniform on, so I took the opportunity to use her full-length mirror.

I stared back at myself, and I frowned.

My uniform looked strange on me. I wore the pink flats with a pink skirt and a white button-down short-sleeved shirt. I didn’t want to wear the matching pink tie, but I didn’t really have a choice. I was told I had to wear the silver bracelet. It had my name and my school ID number on it.

The skirt ended a little above my knees, but unless it was to my ankles, it would feel too short for me. 

I had to wear the identification bracelet outside of school too, just in case something happened to me. The number for the school was on the underside of it, as well as my name.

Even though I was frowning about the uniform, I knew that I would have to wear it all day, every day.

The only thing that kept coming to mind other than the ghastly thing I was wearing, was that I actually had a day pass today, and I was going to use it.

I was still studying my reflection in my uniform when I heard Benny curse under her breath.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"These damn uniforms," she hissed.

I turned around to see her in her second uniform.

It was a dress. Uniform one consisted of a skirt and a button-up shirt, and uniform two had a dress. Uniform three was a short skirt to wear during fitness.

“These things in no way, shape, or form are sexy.”

She looked good, though.

The dress was pale pink, with pink flat shoes. The same bracelet was around her wrist.

"I knew the uniforms were going to be ridiculous," she groaned.

We both pretty much knew that they were going to be, but we have to wear them anyway.

"We should head out," Benny said, "Class is about to start."

I nodded before grabbing my bag.

"I feel like I belong in a cartoon," Benny stated, "Then at least I would have an excuse to feel this stupid."

I turned to smile at her.

"You're going to be fine."

She looked uneasy.

"We'll get through it," I said, "We have to."

She hesitated before nodding.

Benny was quick to grab her bag, then we were out of there.

++++++++++

I am pretty sure today sucked.

This morning I was so optimistic, and I was going to grin and bear it, but today sucked.

The constant snarky remarks and pissy attitudes only managed to work my nerves.

I know I wasn’t completely optimistic, I worried, but I felt better once I saw Benny in her uniform. It made me feel brave.

I sat through Home Economics with Benny, and we were both too irritated to talk about it.

She was really growing on me, and I feel like I was meant to come here to meet her. I never knew anyone like her before.

It’s been maybe a week, and she was already my best friend.

All three of them were, but to them, I might just be the new girl.

I made a face when the bell rang. I had been enjoying our mutual silence.

She turned to me and smiled weakly, "I'll see you later."

I nodded at her, and I stood up to head to Fitness.

I went into the bathroom after grabbing my clothes from my locker, and I changed in there.

Today I didn't get to take it easy. I had to run around the field twice for extra credit. The first one was mandatory. The second was extra credit. To think I actually got to take it easy all week.

What bullshit that was.

I could always use the extra credit, and it didn't hurt me to run a second one. The other kids were running three or four laps.

I walked my second lap, and I just felt like I was in a daze. I thought about the mini-golfing on Saturday, and I just kept wondering how much fun it was going to be.

Not too long after I got done with my second lap, I could hear the sound of laughter.

I glanced up to see a few girls laughing and pointing in my direction.

"She won't even change in the locker room," one said.

"What is her deal?" another one asked.

I felt the need to roll my eyes but decided against it.

I sat down in my usual spot and sighed. I couldn’t wait to leave campus. I could have a break from some of these judgmental bitches.

I pulled my phone from my pocket to see if I had any messages, but there were none.

I turned to look through the black gate, and I could see Michael smoking a cigarette with a few other people around him.

There was a girl with long blonde hair at his side, and he was definitely ignoring her. I just pulled my phone back out of my pocket, and I initiated the first text.

To: Michael - 'Howdy.'

I turned back to face the locker room, and I waited for my phone to buzz.

This time he didn't respond as fast as he usually does.

I turned around to see him pull his phone out, and the girl next to him grabbed it.

Good thing I didn't say anything weird.

He snatched the phone away from her. She tried to move back to put a little space between her and Michael, but I watched as she fell over, and part of me felt bad for the poor girl.

He used the grass under him to put out his cigarette, and he typed on his phone.

I turned away from him.

From: Michael - 'Long time no talk.'

I stared at the message, my heart beat faster involuntarily.

To: Michael - 'You seem to be having quite a bit of fun.'

I felt like a jealous idiot, but it was small talk, and it was all I really had in me.

I could clearly remember the last time we spoke and felt my cheeks grow red.

From: Michael - 'Does it really look that way? They only help pass the time.'

I made a face at the message.

It made me wonder if he really does seem to hate everybody.

So then why didn't he hate me?

To: Michael - 'Are you excited about Saturday?'

I knew I was, and I remembered what Benny said about him really wanting to mini-golf.

My phone buzzed, and I checked it.

From: Michael - 'I'm not sure excited is the right word, but I am looking forward to it.'

I smiled at his message. I realized too late that I used the word excited. Of course, he wouldn't use the word excited without it meaning something sexual.

To: Michael - 'You and I use the word excited in completely different ways.'

I turned around to look at him again, and everyone he was with is a little further away, and he was completely singled out.

From: Michael - 'If you want me excited, I can try.'

I made a face at the small screen.

To: Michael - 'Your version of excited or mine?'

From: Michael - 'Both.'

I frowned. I don't think I could handle another phone session with him. I would surely die.

I didn't know what to say, yeah, I would like to do it again but at the same time, I didn't.

My phone buzzed before I had the chance to respond.

From: Michael - 'So how do you like the new uniform?'

I was glad that he changed the subject.

To: Michael - 'I don't particularly enjoy them.'

I glanced back at him, and he was laughing.

Why the hell was he laughing?

From: Michael - 'I've seen quite a bit of pink today, I thought you and Benny might be miserable.'

To: Michael - 'Well you sir are very right.'

The sweat pants I wore were dark gray, so I was able to tolerate the light pink short-sleeved shirt I wore.

Pink still wasn't my color. I just didn’t like that it showed off the birthmark on my right arm.

From: Michael - 'I'm sure you look just fine.'

I made a face at the message.

The bell rang, and I was quick to put my phone back into my pocket.

I made my way to the locker room, and I dressed in the bathroom.

The girls were talking about random stuff, and most of them lagged because this is the last class for the day.

I headed for my room before stopping, it was 4:00 PM now, and the post office didn't stay open very late.

Should I change?

I shook my head quickly as I went into the room, and I left my bag on my bed before I grabbed my purse and made sure I had my day pass.

Once I made sure I had everything I needed, I left the room.

Benny knew I was going to leave campus after school, but I decided to text her to let her know that I was leaving.

To: Benny – 'I'm going to head to the post office before it closes, do you need anything while I'm out?'

I was at the front gate, getting glared at when I felt my phone go off.

I handed the man at the front gate my day pass, and he looked it over before handing it back to me. I stood behind him while he unlocked the gate and held it open for me to step through it.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

He simply nodded, and I walked out and took my phone out of my pocket.

From: Benny – 'Okay. I think I'm good until tomorrow, thanks :].'

I smiled at the small face at the end of her message. I went through my phone, and I saw I had another text message.

I pressed back on the phone and saw a number one next to the name 'Michael King.'

I made sure I was on the bus before I read it.

From: Michael – 'Do you guys also have to wear those stupid ID bracelets?'

I felt like an ass for not responding earlier.

To: Michael – 'Yeah, I kind of like them though. Do you have any weird uniform things?'

I realized I sounded like an idiot, but it was fine.

The bus was about to stop at the Town Square, and I felt my phone buzz again.

From: Michael – 'And here I was thinking I was being ignored. And yes, we have the ID bracelets too.'

I didn't see him wearing one before.

To: Michael – 'Did you guys just get them?'

I put my phone away once the bus stopped and I headed for the post office.

The only thing I could do was sigh.

Mom told me it was important that I got this.

A man held the door open for me once he walked out and I thanked him, he only nodded before walking away.

I walked up to the counter and told the woman my name, and she walked to the back.

I looked at my phone and saw another message.

Before I had the chance to read it, the woman came back and set the box on the counter.

I studied it, it wasn’t very big, but I wouldn’t exactly call it small either.

"This is for Ren Graham, right?"

She looked at the shipping address.

"Ren Graham," she nodded, "You attend that lady school and mail any bigger than an envelope can't be delivered there."

I nodded as I took the box into my hands, "Thank you."

She nodded and talked to the girl behind me.

I stared down at the box and frowned.

Part of me didn't want to open it at all.

I wasn't ready to open it, so I just headed for the bus again. It wasn't that late, and it made me wonder if I was even ready to go back to campus yet.

No, of course, I wasn't ready to go back yet.

I looked around the parking lot, and I saw a Good Will store, and I found myself smiling. I hadn't been to one in a while.

I pulled open the door and headed to the books.

It was always strange to see what kind of books were here, there were always different genres, and some were in excellent condition while others weren't so much.

I glanced over the titles just to see which ones there were. None really caught my attention, so I just walked around.

Shoes, I didn't need any. Pants, I won’t be able to wear any during school hours, so I didn't need any more. Maybe I could look for another white shirt?

I went to the clothes, and I looked at the white shirts they had, but again none really seemed to interest me.

My gaze left the small section of whites, and I saw the dresses.

Do I act like Saturday is a date, or do I just dress normally?

I didn't know, but it also didn't hurt just to look.

I stood in front of the semi-long line of dresses.

There were clearly prom dresses, cocktail dresses, and even costumes. I moved the dresses over, but I stopped once I saw something that was bright yellow.

I pulled the long dress from the rack, and I studied it.

It looked like a day gown. The material felt like it was meant to be pajamas.

I strangely wanted it. I nodded to myself, and I headed for the counter.

There were four people in front of me, so I decided to check my phone.

From: Michael - 'The bracelets are new, it’s better than the ankle one.'

I frowned, he had to wear an ankle bracelet before?

To: Michael - 'An ankle bracelet sounds just as miserable as a bright pink school uniform.'

It was my turn to pay so again I sheathed my phone in my pocket. The current time 4:47 PM.

The man smiled warmly at me and rang up my ten-dollar dress.

"Can I get a bigger bag?" I asked him.

He looked at the box I was carrying and nodded as he pulled a bigger bag out to put the dress in.

I gave him my card before I put the box into the bag.

I had to show him my ID, and then I was out of there.

Instead of going back to campus just yet, I figured I would get something to eat, but I would have to take the bus again.

I waited for a few minutes at the stop once the tram pulled up, I was quick inside. The stop after this was the mall, and they had quite a few places to choose from.

I stood as I stared out the window, this thing needed more seats if it was going to have this many people on it.

The longer I stood, the more paranoid I felt, it was almost like someone was watching me. I didn't care much for this feeling.

I turned my head, and I heard a hiss behind me.

“Fucking pervert,” I heard a voice growl.

I was quick to turn around, and I was surprised.

Michael snatched some guys’ phone and looked at the screen.

"Michael?" I asked.

I was so confused. How long was he here? Why didn’t he say anything sooner?

Most importantly, what the hell just happened?

He looked at me pissed off, and the man next to him was sweating bullets.

Michael stared at the phone screen, and his face nearly went red with anger.

The tram stopped, and Michael got off, not bothering to return the phone. The man didn't even try to take it back.

I rushed out to see him throw the phone on the floor and stomp on it.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded, "You just took that man’s phone."

"What kind of a person cuts their own thighs?" he hissed.

I felt panic rise in my chest. How the hell did he know?

"Next time, wear a fucking pair of shorts," he growled.

Hold on a second... What?

"What the hell?" I demanded.

"That guy on the bus," Michael pointed at the empty space the tram used to be, "Slipped his phone under your skirt and took several pictures of your panties."

I made a face, I felt paranoid for a reason then.

I was mortified.

"I don't have any shorts," I admitted.

I always wore pants, sometimes I wore basketball shorts, but those were too big to wear under my skirt.

He looked angry, and I didn't know why he was angry. I was the one who was just violated. Twice.

"Let's go," he said.

I went blank.

"Go where?" I asked.

"To get you some fucking shorts."

I frowned. Why was he acting this way?

"Michael," I said.

He stopped, "That's unattractive, what the hell would possess you into thinking it was okay to fucking do that to yourself?"

I was angry this time. I wasn't possessed, I was depressed, I was sad, I was angry, and I needed something to get me through it.

I didn't kill myself, I just cut, and I regret it. So, I don't need to hear his stupid lecture.

"Ren," he seethed, "Why?"

I ground my teeth.

"When was the last time you cut yourself?"

"Why should it matter?" I hissed, "It's my body."

"How fucking childish," he growled at me "Have you already forgotten that we worry about you?"

Oh no, I could feel the tears again.

"I won’t say anything to Benny," he said, "But you have to tell me when the last time was."