Chapter Five: Gone 3/3

We walked through the mall, and he pointed to the shoe store.

"Start looking for a pair of heels, I just need to grab something really quick from the store next door."

I looked at him for a minute. I nodded slowly and took some of the bags he had.

I walked into the shoe store, and immediately I was greeted by someone.

"Good afternoon," the man smiled wide, "Can I help you find anything?"

I made a face, "I'm just trying to find a cheap pair of heels."

He smiled wider, "What size?"

"I can look for them," I said.

The man frowned but nodded, "If you need any help, my name is Alex."

I smiled lightly. "Thank you."

“And you are?” he asked me.

I looked at him for a minute, this dude was going beyond the typical polite worker.

“Ren,” I stated.

He moved a little closer to me, and I took that as my chance to walk away. This whole situation was a little too awkward for me.

My eyes wandered the sizes on the sides of the aisles. Once I saw the section I was looking for, I turned.

What color shoes should I wear?

I looked at the different color heels, and I picked up a black pair and checked the price.

I almost threw the box away from me, but I slowly put the shoe back in the box then back on the shelf.

I really didn't want to choose one.

"Ren?"

I looked up, hoping to see Michael, but it wasn't him.

Alex stood there a little awkwardly.

"Hey," I said.

"I noticed you in the eights, so I grabbed a pair I thought you might like."

I took the outstretched box, and I smiled lightly at him.

I pulled the lid off the box so I could get a good look at the shoes.

The heels were black and very shiny. I wasn't sure how to feel about them.

"Ren?" I heard a further voice call.

"Eight," I called back.

I watched as Michael turned down the aisle I was in.

Alex turned to see who came down.

"Michael," Alex said.

"Alex," Michael said.

"Uh, you guys know each other?" I asked.

"How is Benny?" Alex asked.

"Benny is none of your fucking business," Michael said simply.

"I see you changed types," Alex stated, "It’s a shame, really. I planned on fucking her in the back room."

Michael looked irritated by what Alex said.

“I would have to cover that fucked up spot on her face first,” he said, “That might make her a little hotter.”

I made a face before I grabbed Alex by the back of his shirt to make him face me.

"Did I offend you?" he asked, amused.

I glared at the man, “If you wanted to fuck me, you should have said so.”

He looked surprised before smirking at Michael.

Michael looked pretty mad.

"Really?" Alex asked, "Well, I do."

I grinned at him as I moved closer, as soon as I was right in front of him, I brought my knee up roughly against his groin.

He went down hard, and I glared at him on the floor.

"Don't talk about Benny, don't talk about Michael, don't talk about Gus," I spat "And shut the fuck up about me."

I looked up at Michael, and he looked surprised this time.

"Damn Ren," he said, trying not to smile, "I'm impressed."

I smiled sheepishly at him, "I've learned how to deal with guys like him."

"Guys like me?" Alex spat, "Michael is so much worse!"

I wasn't bothered by his accusation, "So I've heard."

Michael just stood there looking down at Alex.

I knelt down to smile at him. Of course, it wasn't a happy one.

"I don't like when people insult my friends," I said, keeping the same smile, "Would you like to find out what happens when I get really mad?"

Alex was quick to shake his head.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alex hissed.

"It would be a shame if you broke that dick of yours," Michael stated.

Alex glared up at him, but Michael didn't look at him. He was scanning the shelf.

"I found a pair," Michael said, pulling the box from the shelf and handing it to me.

I looked down at the red heels.

"Red?" I asked.

"Red is your color," he shrugged.

I couldn't help but smile, the shoes were shiny red, and I thought they fit quite well with the dress.

"Let’s check out," Michael said.

"I should try them on first," I said.

"They fit," he stated.

I walked near the front, and I pulled the flat black shoe I wore off so I could try on the red heel.

He was right, it fit perfectly.

I looked up at him, how did he know?

The dress was a perfect fit, so were the shoes?

I narrowed my eyes at him.

I was in an aisle of size eight, so naturally, he would be able to guess my size.

I studied the box, and I saw the number 8 1/2.

What the hell?

"Ren."

I looked up to see him at the register. I quickly handed him the box.

The older man behind the counter brought up something about a sale, and Michael shook his head before thanking him.

We walked out with all the stuff, and I made a face when I actually stopped to look at all the bags.

My Good Will bag, two from the first store full of shorts and the dress, the shoe bag, and he had another one.

"What'd you sneak off for?" I asked.

He turned to shrug, "I just wanted to look at the lighters."

I glared at him.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

I went blank. I was going to get food after I left the Good Will, how long had it been?

I nodded.

He smiled, "Subway?"

I nodded again.

We headed for a place to sit, and we set the bags down.

"Same as last time?" he asked.

"Yes, please," I smiled.

He nodded before he walked off.

I sat down, and I decided to check the time.

6:24 PM.

Well crap.

Under that, I could see the missed call from Benny.

I unlocked my phone before calling her.

"Are you alright!" Benny shouted.

"I'm alright," I said, "Are you okay?"

She sighed, "You worried me. I even had Gus try to call Michael to see if he's seen you."

I smiled as I looked up at Michael, pointing at the different ingredients.

"He's here," I said, "I ran into him on the bus, and he asked if I would shop with him."

She was silent.

"Benny?" I asked.

"I was just thinking," I heard her laugh, "You should probably hang up before he sees. We'll talk when you get back. Bye!"

She spoke so fast I didn't have the chance to say anything.

I stared blankly at the screen.

"What is it?"

I looked up to see Michael.

"It was Benny," I said.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, setting my food in front of me before sitting down.

"She was worried about me," I said, "I was only supposed to go to the post office, so she expected me back sooner."

He nodded, "That explains why Gus was blowing up my phone."

I nodded.

He pulled something from his pocket and set it on the table.

I looked at the red metal lighter. It had barely visible red stars all over it.

I picked it up to open it.

"I think it was a good find," Michael stated.

"It’s very pretty," I said, shutting it and placing it back on the table.

“I thought so too,” he said, taking it into his left hand. He opened the lid and then flicked his wrist to let the momentum shut it. I couldn’t help but notice the scar on his hand.

It was between his left index and middle fingers. It almost went passed his knuckle.

He put the lighter in his pocket and brought his attention to his food.

There were a few minutes of silence as we ate.

"So if I'm going to wear heels, does that mean that we aren't going to go mini-golfing?"

He looked up at me, still chewing, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Of course we are still going to golf," he said after swallowing, "The heels are just for after."

I nodded slowly, "Okay."

I took another bite, and I couldn't help but wonder.

"So, are you guys going to dress up too?"

"Your mouth is full," Michael stated.

I frowned. It wasn't like I just chewed and talked; I moved the food to the side of my mouth first.

I chewed faster before I spoke again.

"So are you?"

"Should we?" he asked.

"Well, if Benny and I are," I said, "Yeah."

"Alright," he said, "I'll tell Gus that pants are mandatory."

I didn't mean pants, I thought with a frown.

He laughed, "I know what you meant, fancy men clothes."

I nodded.

"Do I have to wear a tie?" he asked, looking down at the tie on his chest.

"You don't have to wear a tie," I said, "Just treat it like a date."

"I don't dress up for dates," he stated.

I stared at him, "Why not?"

He avoided my gaze, "Are you trying to ruin the mood?"

I frowned, "I was just wondering."

"I don't treat the girls I fuck," he stated, "With them, the relationship is literally just sex."

I shrugged, "Okay."

He stared at me.

His gaze was starting to make me shake.

"I was expecting you to get mad and insult me."

I looked up to finally meet his eyes.

He didn't want me to get mad.

"I'm not mad," I sighed, "It isn't fair for me to get mad at you over stuff like that."

Of course, on the inside, I was irritated, and maybe just a little bit jealous.

"Maybe I want you to get mad," he stated.

I felt the red increase in my cheeks.

"Why would you want me to be mad?" I asked.

"Say that you don't want other girls to touch me," he said, "Say that you want me to want you instead."

I made a face as my body shivered under his gaze.

"W-Why would I say something like that?"

"I don't know," he shrugged before going to his food.

What the hell?

I looked up at him, and he just looked at his food as he ate.

Did he think he could buy sex from me?

It was starting to hurt, I kept thinking that.

He only wanted to sleep with me. He thought being kind to me would make my legs open, didn't he?

"Is that why you were so adamant about buying me things today?"

He looked at me, first confused, then angry.

I felt hurt more than anything.

His glare only became more intense.

"What do you think?"

I didn't know what I thought.

"I didn't want you to buy me anything," I stated, "So if you bought me the dress, thinking that I would sleep with you. That would really hurt my feelings."

"I don't have a one-track mind Ren," he stated, "I don't only think about ways to get myself off."

I felt worse.

"If something ever were to happen between us," he said, "It would be because you begged me to."

I was angry now. This time jealousy was not the cause.

He was the one that didn't want this mood ruined, and he goes and obliterates it.

"Are you done shopping?" I asked him.

I didn't want him to see how pissed off I was.

Why would I beg him for anything?

It wasn't going to happen.

I didn't want to be another name on his ‘fucked’ list.

"Yes," was all he said.

I folded up the half of my sandwich I didn't eat.

I put the sandwich on top of the box I got from my mother.

He looked like he was still eating, so I might as well open the damn thing to avoid feeling like this.

I pulled the box from the bag, and I set it in from of me on the table.

He looked up to see what I was doing.

I tried to rip the tape off, but every time I tried, only a little came off before it tore.

Michael stood up as he took something from his pocket, and I watched as the knife tore through the tape, and he made sure to cut the tape on the sides too.

He folded the blade until it looked like a simple credit card. Could knives really do that?

"Thank you," I mumbled as I watched him sit back down.

I pulled the flaps open, and I stared at the different letters, folded up drawings, and another box.

The first one I grabbed was a postcard.

It looks like they are on vacation.

I felt mad at them. While they were off having fun, I was being punished. The next one I grabbed was a letter.

I scanned the letter quickly before I saw the words 'I'm pregnant' and not too long after 'cleaned out your room for the new baby.'

I willed myself not to feel as I kept reading 'all your stuff was put into storage.'

Damn it.

I closed the letter, and I dropped it back in the box. I was too angry to read anymore. Was angry even the right word? I felt hurt more than anything.

"Bad news?"

I looked up at Michael, and to be honest, I had forgotten where I was just now.

I took the envelope out and handed it to him, "You tell me."

I was passed the point of caring what he thought about me, he would eventually find out I was even more damaged. At least he would know part of the reason why.

He took the paper and read through it. His expression changed the more he read through the letter. First, it was curiosity, then he just looked pissed off.

"This is from your mother?" he asked.

He spoke with quiet anger, nothing like I had seen from him before. His anger has always been evident and loud.

He put it back into the box with a frown.

I nodded as I reached into the box, and I pulled out a photo.

It was of the ultrasound.

Is she trying to hurt me?

Michael stood behind me to see what I was looking at.

"That's cruel," he stated.

It was, but she had to know that I would always forgive her. Even if I was hurt as badly as I was.

I placed the picture back into the box, and I saw the storage key.

She wasn't kidding?

I stared blankly into the box before I grabbed the small wrapped box inside.

It had a green bow on it.

I pulled the paper off, and I smiled at the small notebooks.

There was a small card on top of them.

'Please forgive me.'

I sighed before muttering, "Always."

I felt hands tightly grab my shoulders.

"Are you kidding?"

I was feeling empty again, and I didn't want him to see it.

"Ren?" he asked.

I couldn't respond.

He pulled my chair back so he could see my face.

"You said you wouldn't do it again," he said, "Snap out of it."

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

Or at least I think I did.

++++++++++

To be honest, I don’t remember how I got back to campus after that, but I found myself in a dark room. The bed under me wasn’t very comfortable, but I felt so tired.