The next week, going out to the communal gardens didn’t feel like such a good idea. He’d woken up that morning, bleary-eyed and sadder than he had been in a long time. Work had been finished quickly in an attempt to get straight back into bed. He didn’t want to do anything except lie down and sleep.

It was normal, for the most part. Sometimes he was able to handle his emotion and pass it on with ease, but there were other times, something spanning weeks, where it would take control of him. During those times, he only moved from his bed to work. He didn’t read, just let the slow passage of time take him.

He was alone with his thoughts during those times. Without the need to read, that was all he had and they took advantage of his weakened state. His thoughts took the voice of Sadness, insulting him and belittling him until his pillow was wet with tears. It was awful, but he could never stop them, no matter how hard he tried.

Over and over again, his mind told him that going to see Confidence wouldn’t end well for him. They were meeting in public where people could easily see them. He would be caught in an instant and he’d still stupidly agreed to it.

For all he knew, Confidence was only inviting him out to humiliate him in front of everyone. He had no idea why anyone would try so hard to be his friend except to trick him and show him that no one truly wanted him. But he didn’t need some stupid trick to show him that, he’d known it for centuries.

It was better to stay in bed with his thoughts instead of going out and being humiliated. Confidence wouldn’t care if he didn’t show up. He had plenty of real friends to be with. The only thing that would happen was they would miss out on their source of entertainment for the day.

He should have known that being friends with Confidence was a bad idea, but the stupid feeling in his stomach made him invite him in the week before. The feeling should have been easy to ignore, but he hadn’t been able to. If only he could have.

The tears streamed down his face and he pulled his thick blanket over his head. He was an idiot to think that he could have people who cared about him. It wasn’t possible and would never be possible. Sadness and Disgust and all the others had made sure of that a long, long time ago.

And if Confidence was telling the truth when he said he wanted to be his friend, it wouldn’t last long. They’d barely spoken when he’d come over, even after they’d organised to meet up the week after, but there had still been a smile on his face. Lonely couldn’t understand it and chalked it up to Confidence being the embodiment of confidence.

He didn’t bother to wipe the tears away as he curled up into a ball. They would only come back stronger if he did. Being alone wasn’t easier, but it was better for him in the long run. It would save him from getting in trouble, from getting attached and eventually getting left behind.

Confidence didn’t want to be his friend. Lonely was a boring person with no knowledge of how to talk to anyone. It was all some kind of ploy, that was why Sadness hadn’t scolded him for speaking with him at the bookstall, they were in on it. Whatever it was.

His breathing became stuttered, getting caught in his throat as if something were blocking it. He couldn’t get past it and every breath made him feel like he was choking, dying. A sob broke free, tearing at his throat but still, he could not breathe.

He wasn’t good enough, not for anyone or anything. He couldn’t even pass on his emotion properly. If he could, he wouldn’t be feeling the way he did. So alone, so completely alone and it would never change. It wasn’t allowed to change.

All he could do was stay in his home with his violin and his books, wallowing away the days until humanity was no more. After today, Confidence wouldn’t bother talking to him again, seeing as he couldn’t even uphold promises. He wouldn’t have to worry about Sadness discovering him then, even if it hurt.

He wanted to scream, but he wasn’t even able to breathe. It caught in his throat and he coughed, feeling like he was going to vomit. Everything hurt, his stomach, his throat, his heart. It felt like he was dying, but it wasn’t anything new. It had happened so many times in his long life, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

So he let it happen, let the panic and the sadness and the loneliness take over him. His body was a frozen mess of pain and tears, his pillow stained and the thick blanket above him sticking to his face. His hands were bunched into his sheets, his knuckles sore from his tight grip, but he couldn’t let go.

His thoughts continued to scream at him, telling him all the things he had believed for centuries. He deserved everything he got, the insults, the isolation, the emotion he had been given when he’d woken a long, long time ago. He must have done something when he’d woken that was an insult to whatever being created him, but he would never know what it was.

“Lonely?” a familiar voice yelled from down the hallway. “Your door was unlocked. Are you here?”

He’d left his door unlocked like an idiot. Of course, he had. The one day he couldn’t see anyone and he’d left it open for anyone to walk in. But he couldn’t reply, all he could do was let out a loud sob. Confidence made a noise in the hallway and the footsteps grew louder and louder while Lonely wished for him to leave.

Then his blanket was ripped away from him and he faced the sunlight. It shone against Confidence’s hair, giving him a beautiful halo. For once, he wasn’t smiling, but frowning deeply at him. “Lonely? What’s going on?” he asked and when Lonely couldn’t reply, he sat him up and pulled him to his chest.

Even though he knew he shouldn’t, Lonely wrapped his arms around him and sobbed into his chest. He was a disgusting mess of tears and snot, but he couldn’t stop himself, especially when a soft hand ran up and down his back, tickling the back of his neck.

Despite the voice in his mind that begged him to break away, he couldn’t. As the sobs wracked his body, Confidence pulled him closer, whispering words that Lonely couldn’t hear in his panic and constantly running his hands up and down his back in soothing circles.

Slowly but surely, his breathing came back to him and he pushed closer to Confidence to try and hide his red face. No one should have seen him in such a state and yet, Confidence was there, right in front of him with his arms wrapped around him. He couldn’t believe it but he had no other choice.

His tears stopped and with them went the pain. Somehow, whatever Confidence was doing was working. His mind and body weren’t racing as much and he could think and see clearly. He pulled away, but Confidence didn’t remove his arms, still frowning down at him.

“What are you doing here?” Lonely asked, wiping at his face with his sleeve.

“You never showed up,” he said and Lonely’s stomach clenched painfully. “I was waiting there for about an hour and when you didn’t come I thought I would check on you. I’m glad I did.”

He shook his head and pulled away completely, ignoring the ache in his heart when Confidence’s hands fell into his lap. “You didn’t need to. I’m fine,” he lied.

“You’re not! What was that, Lonely?” Confidence asked, his fingers twitching against his legs.

Lonely pulled the blanket around his shoulders, not quite burying himself in it, but it was a close thing. “Something normal,” he muttered.

“Normal? That’s… None of that was normal,” Confidence replied in a voice far too calm for the situation. “That didn’t happen because I asked you to come out, right? If I had known that you weren’t alright with it, I wouldn’t have-”

“It wasn’t you,” Lonely interrupted and shuffled against the headboard of the bed. “It’s just something that happens to me. I couldn’t come and see you because of it. I’m sorry.”

Confidence shook his head and held out a hand to him again. “You don’t need to apologise for something like that. It’s not your fault, not at all,” he said. He didn’t move his hand any closer, allowing Lonely to decide if he wanted to hold it. He shouldn’t, it was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stop himself.

His hand was warm, comforting and still far too much for him to handle, but he didn’t let go. “You didn’t need to check on me,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket with his other hand.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright. That’s what friends do, Lonely,” he said and without asking, hugged him again. Friends. Had Confidence truly meant it when he said he wanted to talk to him? It wasn’t some kind of trick like his mind had convinced him it was? He didn’t know what to believe, but at that moment, all he could do was hope that things would turn out well.

Sadness didn’t know that Confidence was with him, hopefully, meaning that he couldn’t possibly get in trouble. Something stirred in his gut as he thought the words, aching and worried. “Sadness… They don’t know you’re here, right?” he asked biting down hard on his lip.

“What? No, of course not,” he said. “No one knows I’m here. No one knew we were supposed to meet either. I thought that might be easiest.”

“Because you know you’re not supposed to talk to me,” he replied and let out a slow sigh.

Confidence nodded. “Sadness talked to me about it the other day, but I didn’t listen, I think it’s stupid.”

“We have rules for a rea-”

“They’re stupid rules! What have you ever done to deserve living like this? Do you know?” he demanded, his grip on Lonely’s hand tightening. All he could do was shake his head; he had no idea. “You don’t. It’s not fair and I don’t care what anyone else says. You deserve friends. You’re kind, awkward, but kind.”

A laugh escaped his lips, small and quiet, but it was still there. It was unexpected for both of them, but Lonely welcomed it, pressing his forehead against Confidence’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming,” he said. He was glad he came, despite everything. They were friends, according to him, something he had never expected.

For the first time in his life, he had a friend and it was Confidence, someone he never expected to talk to more than that first time at Wisdom’s stall. He still felt awful, but he was better than he had been earlier.

“Whenever you need me, I’ll be here,” Confidence whispered and there was a second where Lonely could have sworn there were lips pressed against the top of his head, but then they were gone. “If you’re feeling better, do you want to do what we planned today? Here, of course, I’m not forcing you out of the house.”

He didn’t even need to think about it. “Let me brew some tea and we can,” he answered and finally, after hours of lying around, stood from the bed. “Go get settled on the couch.”

It didn’t take him long to make two mugs of tea and when he walked into his living room, Confidence had the books in his lap and Lonely’s blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He accepted the mug with a smile and moved the blanket for him to sit properly. “I thought it might be nice,” he said as Lonely sat, wrapping it around his shoulders.

They were pressed close together and instead of making him feel uncomfortable, it was nice. After a single sip of his tea, Confidence picked up his book and grinned. His ramble started instantly, spouting off everything he liked about the book with a smile and animated gestures. Lonely replied whenever he felt he needed to, smiling sweetly at him. It was different, but he liked it. He had a friend, a real friend.