To my birth sibling(s) (if I have any),

Hi. We can have the awkward conversation about what we’re supposed to do if/when we meet, so I’ll make this an intro letter you can get a glimpse of what kind of sister you’re getting.

Intro to me:

Lillian Monroe. A Chinese adoptee who has the same parents as you. I’ve got a younger sister, also adopted. We’re very close, and we talk about the possibility of having more siblings.

I’m not sure how many of you there are. I’m assuming there’s there’s only one of you cause the policy and all, but if there’s a slight chance our parents live rural, can pay the fine, or have some other exception allowing for more kids, then cool.

Regardless of how many of you there are, the “yous” I write will refer to the collective “you” unless stated otherwise.

What’s it like growing up in China? I assume you lived with our parents for most of your life. Have you ever lived away from home? Like a rental for school or work?

I still technically live with my parents (my stuff’s still at home). I’m renting a place for school, but I go home every summer to work.

I’ve heard stories from other asians about stereotypical Chinese parents. Apparently they want their kids to be doctors or lawyers, and the posh ones like their kids to play piano or violin to make them “refined.” Are our parents like that? What kind of career do they want for you? What kind of career do you want for you?

How about our mother? Is she the over-loving and caring type? Does she make a lot of food so there’s always leftovers for tomorrow? Does she complain about everything you do? Does she nag you to always come home?

What about our father? Is he all for masculinity or is he the sweet dad type or . . .? Will he help you with math homework? How does he like his tea? What kind of job does he do? Does he like his job, or does he dream of another career?

Shit. You don’t have to answer this, but I gotta know: Are our parents in love? Were they ever in love?

Over in Canada, love is something you dream your parents have. You grow up thinking the ideal parents are the ones whose love never dies. My parents have one of those rare love stories, the kind where they meet when they’re young and stay together forever. But it’s not out of obligation, money, stability, or the desire for that romantic story. It’s because they truly love and care for one another.

Romantic love is something we Westerners can’t get enough of, so we make a whole bunch of cheesy movies and novels about it to feel good about ourselves when we don’t have it.

And how about you? Have you known that romantic love? For all I know you could be much older than me, with a partner and babies on the way. I don’t know what the attitudes toward dating are in China at the moment, so I don’t know where marriage fits in with our generation.

If it interests you to know I’ve never been in love. I’ve had crushes, sure, but I haven’t met anyone who sparks passion and romance within me. No one like that around here. But that’s fine. I’ve got other types of love. I love my friends and my family. I love my parents. Not sure how I feel about our parents yet, since I haven’t met them.

How ‘bout you? Do you love our parents? Do you talk to them a lot when you’re home? Do you want to live a love story like theirs?

And what about me? I’m not asking if you love me. We’ve never met, either. I’m asking if our parents ever told you about me, or is this your first time hearing you’ve got a sister? 

I mean, it’s really cool to find out that you have a long lost sibling, but personally I'd be confused about how to feel. Yes, you've discovered you've got more family out there, but then what? What are you supposed to do about it? How are you supposed to feel? 

I’ll admit, I’m scared that you won’t give me a chance. I’m someone you’ve never met, and you might not want anything to do with me.

I really hope we get to meet, though. I mean, I’ve always wanted an older brother, but I want to get to know you even if you’re not older or a brother. We’re blood siblings, literally, and somehow after all this time we’ve been reconnected.

We don’t have to become best friends. I’m not asking to be friends. I know blood ties aren’t everything, and given our circumstances we aren’t obliged to form any kind of relationship, but I really hope we get along. We’re siblings born of the same parents. We might look alike or have similar habits.

If there’s even the tiniest chance that we can bond, then I don’t want to give that up. And I sincerely hope that you feel the same way.

Sincerely,

Lillian

P.S. By the time we meet my Mandarin will still be atrocious, so I’ll probably say things like “horse” (mǎ) instead of “mother” (mā), and I bet you’ll say things like “thin” instead of “thing.”

English and Mandarin are two very different languages, but if you’ve been reading my previous letters then you know I’m gonna suggest we try bonding over food. How do you like your tea? Milk or no milk?