Jason’s already suffered so much, and Conner just-

A sole tear rolls down my cheek, soon followed by others, mixing with the raindrops running down my cheeks.

Jason’s suffered so much, and he still smiles. How does he do it?

Conner is such a dick. He’s torturing his own brother and makes fun of his astrapophobia. He doesn’t give a shit about suicide attempts. He doesn’t care about his brother.

What is he hiding?

My heart aches. Not only for Jason, but for Conner too. He’s hiding one hell of a secret.

My phone buzzes, and I pull it out. The notification is for a blog update from Rinock.

I don’t know what it is about her. She’s just so- infuriating! She’s smart and uses big words that most people don’t understand, and she always speaks her mind!

How can she be so free and outspoken when the world hates her?

How can I keep hurting her when the only person I’m really hurting is myself?

I have a confession to make, guys.

I’m a freak.

I like a guy. I’ve liked someone who identified as non-binary. I’ve liked girls.

I don’t lust after anyone. I don’t enjoy sex, nor do I want it.

I’m such a goddamn freak.

I lie to every girl I fuck. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t want it.

I don’t want to be this fucked up.

I tap on the comment box underneath the update, trying to formulate a response in my head. The sneeze that happens doesn’t help me.

You aren’t a freak, I begin. A lack of sexual attraction isn’t something that only you experience. Quite a few people do. It’s called asexuality. You aren’t a freak, nor are you fucked up. Liking guys, girls, and non-binary people isn’t being a freak. In your case, I think you’re panromantic asexual- you can like anyone no matter their gender, and you don’t lust after anyone. You aren’t fucked up. You’re not broken, or a freak, or an abomination.

I reluctantly press post, hoping that my words help Rinock.

Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I look up and around. The storm is still going strong, with thunder occuring quite frequently.

Jason, wherever you are, I hope you’re okay.

I continue the walk towards my house, crossing two roads and walking up the driveway without being kidnapped.

“It’s a good thing Mom’s at work,” I mutter, opening the door and accidentally hitting an empty beer bottle. “And of course Anthony was here on my day off.”

“Was?”

I freeze, my gaze staying trained on the floor.

“I didn’t leave.”

Heavy footsteps cross the room slowly, making their way towards me.

“I don’t ever leave.”

I finally dare to look up, only to be greeted by my father’s face centimeters away from mine, his mouth etched into a permanent disapproving frown, the smell of beer rolling out of his mouth.

“Why are you so late?”

“It was raining, and I ended up getting a-”

I whip my head to the side, sneezing into my elbow.

“A cold,” I finish, smiling weakly at my father. “Caused me to walk slower than normal. Sorry I’m home late.”

“Go get me a beer.”

I nod and scurry off, stepping over shattered bottles in the kitchen before grabbing a beer and performing hopscotch to deliver it.

Your majesty, I have fulfilled your request. Is there anything else milord would like to ask this humble servant to do before she retreats back to her quarters?

I very wisely hand my father his beer with my mouth shut before turning around and all but sprinting to my room, desperate to stay away from his drunk hands.

I open my laptop and enter the password, closing my door behind me.

“Time to get cracking on the most important thing- YouTube.”

Hours. I waste hours rewatching let’s plays I’ve seen multiple times already. And by that I mean SubNautica. I spend my time watching SubNautica.

“If I could get that game, I would- oh, Rinock responded to me!”

I open Rinock’s blog on my computer, reading through his reply.

Thanks for telling me all of this. I didn’t know that there was a term to describe how I feel. I’ve spent the past hours looking up asexuality, and I think that is what I am. Thank you, for letting me know that I’m not as much of a freak as I thought I was.

I type out a small you’re welcome message, then delete. And rewrite it, and delete it again. Then I proceed to spend the next twenty minutes trying to create a good reply, and finally come up with the fact that I can’t formulate a good response to save my life.

“Ugh.”

“Xael!” my father barks. “Someone’s here for you!”

“Coming!” I call back, stashing my laptop in an empty shoebox before leaving my room. To my surprise, when I get to the door, it’s Cray.

“Hey!” he exclaims brightly, lifting a hand in greeting. “Mind coming with me for a few hours? Mr. Andrews, I promise to return her in one piece.”

My father grunts in response, taking another drink of his beer. Cray grabs my hand and pulls me out of my house, nearly slamming the door shut.

“Get in, we’re going to the Roye’s place,” Cray explains, opening the driver door of his car. I comply with his command, buckling my seatbelt.

“Why, exactly?” I ask. Cray smiles at me before reversing, pulling the car onto the street and merging with the one-car traffic.

“The kitchen staff are making dinner right now, but they need another pastry chef to help make dessert. I figured you could help cook actual food and allow one of the staff move over to pastry.”

I nod, a smile moving onto my face.

“Also, you can hang out with Jason for a while. Keep him company, or tutor him! He needs math help.”

I nod and switch on the radio, channel-surfing until I settle on a pop station for songs from before 2013.

“Remember that cover artist you found-”

“Jonathan Young?”

Cray nods, snapping his fingers and pointing at me.

“That’s the one. He made a compilation of all of his villain covers and it is by far the most beautiful piece of art I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.”

I shrug, pull out my phone, and connect it to the car using Bluetooth, pulling up YouTube as it connects.

Cray and I sing along to every song, fangirling when In The Dark of The Night comes on.

“We’re watching this movie tonight!” Cray shouts, bobbing his head. I nod in agreement, mouthing the words as I dance in my seat.

“Bet no one else in the Roye mansion has even heard of Anastasia,” I say, turning down the music just the slightest. Cray turns it right back up before nodding, dancing around in his seat while the traffic light is red.

“Well, Lukas might’ve- actually, no. Wait, maybe he has! On second thought, I don’t think-”

“It’s okay, take your time,” I laugh. Cray glares at me and moves the car forward, turning and pulling into a fancy driveway blocked by a fancy iron gate, which is preventing us from entering the fancy courtyard belonging to the fancy mansion which is inhabited by a fancy family.

Did I mention the fancy part yet?

“Cray and Xael.” Cray leans out of his window, pressing a button on a speaker.

“Xael! What’s up, loser?”

“Nothing much, assclown,” I respond. Lukas laughs, his melodic voice causing Cray to smile sheepishly and blush.

“Are we allowed in or no?” Cray asks.

“I don’t know. There seems to be a suspicious character in your car. He looks like he goes by the name of Cray. Suuuper suspicious.”

“Can you just let us in already?”

The gate swings open, allowing Cray to enter the premises and pull around to the back of the building, parking under the shade of a tree.

“They really do care about you guys, don’t they?” I question, looking around at all the security around the staff’s area. Cray shrugs, walking up a small staircase and opening the door at the top.

“They take care of us,” Cray states, closing the door once I’m inside. One of the guards places a hand on my shoulder, grinning down at me.

“Jonny! What’s up, man?”

Jonny and I exchange a fistbump. Cray waits patiently as Jonny tells me about his daughter starting her hormones last week.

“Tell her I said congratulations!” I call as Cray finally drags me away. Jonny nods and waves goodbye, and Cray lets go of my arm.

“Look, I love you two, but this is super important,” Cray begins. “Could you keep your catching-up to a minimum until we all eat supper?”

I nod, walking into the mansion’s kitchen and grabbing my apron off of the wall.

“What’s the menu?” I ask. Hannah steps up and rattles off the main appetizers, main dish, and desserts before moving back to her station, tossing some vegetables.

“Xael, I didn’t know you were coming in today!” Hayden exclaims, looking up from his dip. “We actually got our issue solved!”

“Really?” Cray wonders, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Who’d you get to replace Terry?”

“Hey, Jason!”

The brown-haired boy looks up from his batter and nods at Cray, smiling at me when our eyes meet.