The water was falling hot and steamy down on Ocean’s shoulders. He was idly staring at the soap whirling and then disappearing in the shower drain. Countless questions were burdening his mind. Why did Takehiko run away? Did he say something he shouldn’t have? Or perhaps he didn’t say enough? Perhaps the boy’s stomach was upset after drinking the expired coffee that some tosser forgot to replace before the holidays. Or maybe he remembered he had to do something really, really urgent. Either way, it didn’t matter.

He shook those thoughts away, cleaned the shampoo off and turned the shower off. He patted himself damp with a towel and then wrapped it around his hips. He was so glad his neck, after so many months, was finally free. He looked at the foggy mirror and wiped it with his hand. He marvelled at his blurry image, played a bit with his freshly washed hair and winked at himself.

Slowly, he got out the misty bathroom and flung himself on the bed, his face in between the pillows. He was tired. So very tired. Though his mind was still working overtime. It was only this morning that he had visited Diarmuid’s grave and had that unexpected encounter with his mother. After all that had happened, he’d hoped he'd never have to see or talk to her again. Or him. Or any of them. Especially not today. Not on his birthday.

Twenty four and some hours. Twenty four and some hours of memories, so many memories gained and lost. So much emotional baggage it could easily fit in a two-storey house. He could feel the burden in his bones, cracking loudly every time he’d stretch as if they were complaining about every single one of his bad decisions.

And then running into Takehiko. What a beautiful coincidence. What a beautiful teen- no, not teen. What a beautiful man. A man with luscious brown hair, yearning eyes, those amazing, curvy hips and those thighs… The kind of thighs that make you blush to the point of no return and all those tiny moles that were crafting hundreds of constellations throughout his strong body. 

He was playing that one song that he had called ‘ocean’ and Ocean hoped it was for him. Such a wonderful melody. Such a wonderful human being. Such a wonderful brain. And so troubled. When those hazel eyes watered up, Ocean wanted to push everything away from his desk and have Takehiko on it, all to himself. Combine their sadness and their thirsty bodies into one.

He rolled on his back and a pesky hand slid down and over the towel as his lips parted slightly and a sigh escaped them. The fingers tensed and stroked the body underneath, slowly succumbing to the memories of that slim torso with the single scar and no chest hair, the dark skin of the nipples, the veins that popped on those strong arms.

A loud vibrating noise filled the silence of the bedroom, disturbing the turmoil in Ocean’s body. He mumbled a silent complaint. With his eyes closed, he fumbled about in the dark to find his phone on the nightstand. The light from the screen blinded him. He had a new message. It was from Takehiko.

I'm so sorry I ran off like this... Thank you for listening to me :)

Ocean’s thumb hovered over the screen for a few seconds. He was tired but maybe he could spare some more time. He pressed his thumb down and replied.

Come over.

He turned the screen off and left the phone on the pillow. Right, clothes. He put his glasses on and got up. His closet was almost empty as most of his clothes were either still inside his luggage or in the laundry basket waiting to be washed. He took that one oversized pair of sweatpants and hoodie and put it on. It was the single residue from the days he used to eat like a normal person and he was glad he kept it around as it was also the only piece of his clothing Takehiko’s body could fit in. 

The scent of the brunet’s light perfume was still hiding under the detergent. He let it fill his nostrils as the soft fabric of the hoodie rubbed against his bare chest. In a way, it felt as if their bodies were touching. If only they were.

He pressed himself to steer away from such thoughts and got dressed. As he was about to close the wardrobe’s doors, he heard a knock from the front. He quickly got to the entrance.

“That was fast.”

Takehiko was standing there with an apologetic pout that turned Ocean’s defences even lower. If he could, he'd just grab him by the collar of his jacket and kiss him.

“I-I’ve been waiting outside for a while really. Couldn’t decide what to do.” 

“How about coming in?”

Takehiko nodded and took a few steps forward, allowing Ocean to close the door.

“Tea?”

“I’m alright, thanks.”

Ocean slid behind the front island to fix himself a nice warm cup. Perhaps this would help him calm down, it would always do. “I’m sorry if I said anything to offend you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Then?”

“I'm not sure. But I… I-I think I got scared.” 

“Scared?”

Takehiko remained quiet, leaning against the wall like a frightened kitten and fidgeting the loose ends of his jacket. The silence was confusing Ocean more and more as the seconds went by.

“Would you like to elaborate on that or...”

Takehiko gave a hesitant look. His stuttering was making his words almost incomprehensible. “I-I-I always end up asking y...y-your help and I-.”

“Hey, take a breather, will ya?” 

Takehiko nodded and did so. He took a series of deep breaths and eyeballed around for a couple of minutes as if he was searching the room for the right words to use. “I feel like I'm b...b-burdening you,” he finally let out. "I know it’s silly and repetitive, but I can’t help it. And it scares me because I don't have anyone else to turn to. I don’t want to screw this up."

“You're not burdening me, Také.” Ocean crossed the room and patted the boy on the shoulder. “My door's always open, yeah?” 

He offered his praise-worthy smile and Takehiko returned a shy one, making his poor stomach twist and turn in a way he had strictly forbidden it to, or at least he had thought so. He hushed down that part of his brain whispering to him all the things he could do to turn that innocent moment into loose hell and sipped just one more sip. 

In a split second, however, that small grin on Takehiko’s sweet face got wider and his hopeful eyes flashed green like a broken road sign. Glistening emeralds, a malevolent chuckle. Ocean staggered on his feet, spilling half of his tea everywhere. He blinked several times. The room was spinning.

“What’s wrong?” Takehiko asked.

Before Ocean managed to reply, he heard heavy footsteps approaching from above, making the ceiling shake. Everything was shaking. He left his cup on the island and breathed in. Judging from Takehiko’s clueless expression, he understood this wasn’t affecting anyone but himself. He panicked.

“You should probably go. Now.”

“What? Why?”

“Go Také-” Ocean tried to say but his voice was muffled as two invisible hands were wrapped tight around his mouth and neck. He got dragged into his bedroom and forcefully thrown down. His glasses flew away from his face and clattered on the wooden floor. The door before him banged close, making the blurry image of Takehiko’s baffled gaze disappear behind it. 

Hush, little deer, don't say a word

Raven's gonna buy you a wooden sword ~

“No, not right now,” Ocean pleaded and watched as a velvety dark plume was falling from the ceiling, covering the walls completely. The room felt frozen cold. He turned around. 

The window was wide open, making the purple curtain dance as snow was flying in. The white flakes wandered merrily along with the feathers, floating around the room. Ocean tried to get up and close the window but fell on his knees once more. A strong force was binding him down.

And if that wooden sword won't kill

Raven's gonna buy you a piece of steel ~

“Why? Why now?” he asked as his eyes were circling the room, following the dark shadow that was slowly moving on the walls, like a light projecting from a paper carousel. 

And if that piece of steel won't last,

Raven's gonna buy you a shattered glass ~

The wicked voice filled the room and pierced Ocean’s flesh, causing him goosebumps.

“Why are you still doing this? I did everything you asked me. I paid my respects. Why can’t you let it go?”

And if that shattered glass falls down,

You'll still be the sweetest fawn in town.

The song surrounded him like a hurricane. Its twisted lyrics spiralled from the frozen room right into Ocean’s mind like crows carrying messages in the storm. He crawled on his knees, the only thing he seemed to be capable of, and in a desperate measure, he crammed into the still wet shower and slid the door closed. He cupped his ears with his hands and rocked his upper body back and forth. 

“One for sorrow, two for mirth,” he began reciting the nursery rhyme out loud, his usual remedy to steady his breath and his mind.

“How dare you leave me on my own?” the Raven’s mocking yell was heard from outside the bathroom. “You betrayed me, you were supposed to protect me!”

“Three for a funeral, four for birth.” 

“It’s over now, you’re gone,” the Raven continued in a childish manner. Ocean knew those words very well. He was the one who had said them in the first place. “I’m all alone now and oh so lonely!”

“Five for heaven, six for hell.” 

“You didn’t look so lonely out there, my little deer. Did you finally forget about me? Did you finally let go?”

“Seven for the devil, his own self.” 

“Are you pushing me away? Or are you pulling me in closer?”

The glass doors quivered, their rattle echoing in the empty room. Ocean let out a whimper but he immediately pushed both his hands against his mouth to stifle his cries. 

And then, the shaking stopped. 

Silence. Deafening, maddening silence. Ocean, however, remained alarmed. This wasn’t good. The stillness terrified him the most. It wasn’t over yet, he knew it very well. He wished he had at least his little teddy with him, but a wish wouldn’t do much. He had to figure this out.

His hands were freezing, his whole body aching. He put his hood on and shrunk in the already uncomfortable corner of the shower. His knees were screaming in pain but he wouldn’t dare move.

He began wondering whether Takehiko had followed his advice and left. The thought of him being seized by the ghost of his long lost love made his heart skip a beat. Even though he knew this was impossible - it was all in his head, after all - he couldn’t help but want to find out.

He pushed himself in an effort to get up but as he did, he heard the door slowly sliding open. He fell back down with a thump. The Raven’s voice greeted him and two cadaverous hands appeared from the veil of darkness, one skinny finger after the other.