Ringing. Constant ringing. My head’s about to explode. My hands are so dry and cold. Why is my heart racing like that? I can't breathe. I can't see. What is happening?

Takehiko shut his eyes tight as he was rubbing his chest, trying to calm himself down. He tried to force his lungs to expand and allow a little bit of air in. Instead, they began to move way faster than they’d normally do, giving him too much of what he was asking for. He felt all the blood draining from his extremities and redirecting to his ears where it pounded and stomped like a military parade. His skin was pulsating. Cold sweat was running on his temples. His head was spinning.

He didn’t want to fail. He couldn’t afford to. It was only the first semester and he had already messed up. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself and certainly not have ‘the talk’ with his parents. If he were to fail, he knew he’d be forced to go back home and be all alone, with his father’s silent gaze judging him. This was his chance of redeeming himself. He had to shake it off.

The clock on the wall reminded him it was a quarter to ten. How the hell did forty-five minutes pass? Of all the times to have a panic attack, a resit exam was definitely not it. He had read the test paper over and over again but not a single word got translated in his brain. Try to think of something nice. A safer place. And for a moment his mind went blank.

As if falling from a cliff, his heart accelerated in the most frightening fight or flight call. His breathing became uncontrollable, everything felt out of reach. Don’t panic, Takehiko kept repeating to himself but his poor brain would only listen to the last part of the sentence, banging every shutter close. 

He could see the red from rage face of his father turning larger and larger in every loop of ‘you’re a disappointment’, his mother averting her eyes and everyone in agreement shaking their heads. Millions of papers graded with ‘no pass’ were raining from the ceiling and he was standing on the podium trying to convince the juries and the judges of how much he tried.

A warm, gentle touch on his shoulder brought him around. He was back at his seat, the third row of the large auditorium, test paper and pen in hand. He looked up. That girl that had hosted that Halloween party a few months ago, Takehiko vaguely remembering her name to be either Peach or Rose, or something along those lines, smiled at him, pushed the transparent brandless water bottle towards him and continued to check the rest of the students.

Good idea, Takehiko thought and sipped a bit of water. Bad idea, he thought again and groaned. He stooped over the small desk and squeezed the pen in his hand. The words on the paper before his eyes were merging, dancing around haphazardly. He wanted to throw up.

Deep and slow, he thought. Each new breath brought him a morsel of peace and a hint of a very distinct smell. Coffee. The place was filled with its sweet scent and the gentle air from the heaters was wafting it towards him. His empty stomach begged for a drop and his mouth dribbled with anticipation for all the snacks that usually followed. 

He loved coffee. The rich aromas, the velvety taste. A splash of milk. A sprinkle of sugar. A gentle stir. The past few months he had learned how to prepare the beverage to its best version, yet it always seemed to taste better when Ocean was preparing it for him. 

Ocean. What a great nickname that was. What was his actual name again? That’s right, Oisín. He repeated it several times.  Oisín, Oisín, Oisín. Every time, it rolled off the tongue like a wave hitting a cliff, and lingered at the end, sharp and melodic, just like his accent. 

Ayaka was good on her promise and now Takehiko could hardly imagine himself without that man in his life. All those conversations they had the past few weeks, all those hours they spent playing video games together. He would often find himself asking for a little bit more but was always too afraid to request it out loud. Perhaps, if he hurried he’d be able to see him today. That thought distracted Takehiko successfully but quickly decided to put a pin on it.

Seeing that he was feeling slightly better, he picked up the paper and read through the questions again. It stood to reason that if he tried going through the easy ones first, it would reel him into an exam mood once more. Or not. Either way, he had to hurry up. There was only one hour and three out of four questions left.

❦ 

Once done, Takehiko hurried outside and breathed in the fresh, cold air. He stretched and yawned, very pleased with himself. He had done it. Just barely, but he had done it. And now he had the whole day to himself. Or, to be exact, just the next couple of hours before Ocean were to be relieved of his invigilator duties. At least that’s what his recent text message had suggested.

It was freezing and he could feel his eyeballs watering from the icy wind. He pulled his scarf right above his nose and buttoned up his jacket midway to protect himself from the cold. There was not a single cloud in the sky, however, so he decided to sit on one of the empty benches and enjoy the precious rays of sunlight. As soon as he sat down, a strange voice called at him. He turned and saw a guy with a recognisable face waving at him.

“Mind if I join you?” the stranger asked. To this Takehiko shrugged and the young man sat beside him. “You probably don’t remember me but we met briefly during the induction week. I’m Jarvis. Jarvis Jones.”

A light bulb lit up inside Takehiko’s brain and the memory unfolded before his eyes like a film reel. Last week of August, nine in the morning, at the main auditorium while the very first talk about security on campus was about to take place.

“Y… y-you’re the one who c-complimented my shirt,” Takehiko recalled.

“And I’m about to do it again! I really like your taste, man,” Jarvis said and nodded to Takehiko’s Motörhead shirt hiding under his dark green flannel and jean jacket. “Glad to see another rocker in our midst. So, what are you in for?”

“Electro-fucking-magnetism.”

Jarvis inhaled sharply baring his teeth. “That’s bad, bruv, hope you nailed it.”

“I did alright... I hope. Yourself?”

“None, thank goodness I passed everything. I’m not a brainiac or anything, I just got lucky I think. I’m here waiting for my bud, he’s sitting for Algebra. We’re going to a coffee shop to chill and catch up. Want to join? If you don’t have anything else to do that is.”

Takehiko took a moment to think. It wasn’t like he couldn’t find anything to do to fill the next two hours. He could hear, though, Ocean’s words from one of their recent talks replaying in his mind about how he should be seeking out people from his class. To hang out. To chat his worries away. To remain sane. “Sure.”

“Awesome. You’re a lifesaver er-” Jarvis paused briefly. 

“Takehiko.”

“Yes! Yes, of course. Takehiko! Yammy- yomma- yuka-”

“Yamada.”

“Yamada, nice, very nice. And yes, you see Takehiko, my friend Bastiaan, he’s got a bloody girlfriend now and he brings her around all the bloody time. I’m so sick and tired of being the third sodding wheel. You don’t have a girlfriend, do you, Takehiko?”

“I-I don’t.”

“Brilliant! You’re my man then. You’re sure you’re coming, yeah?”

“Yeah. But I won’t smoke or anything.”

“That’s alright! That’s plenty! That's a-ok. This place we’re going has so many board games we can all play. I especially like Jenga. My pull-out game is very strong,” said Jarvis wiggling his eyebrows and emphasizing the very.

Takehiko couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head. “I’m sure you won’t need it any time soon,” he retorted and with bravery restored in his chest, continued, “Your pull-out game that is.”

Jarvis remained with his mouth open but soon turned it into a loud cackle, stomping his legs and all. “I swear, man, I had a hunch you’d be mental and I’m so, so glad I finally got the courage to talk to ya! I’ve been watching ya, you know. It’s true, don’t look so surprised! You seem so cool and mysterious and unapproachable with all your band patches and your stretched ears, but my, oh my, Takehiko, you’re my man. We’ll be good friends in a twink, you’ll see- Oi, won’t you look at that prick, oh that’s fucking mingin’!”

Confused by the rapid change of Jarvis’ expression and gaze, Takehiko looked behind his shoulder and saw a tall blond and a very pretty, just as tall girl smooching passionately. For a split second, he thought he recognised the couple, making his heart pump loads, but realised his eyes had deceived him. It was just an ordinary couple. 

“Oi, Visser,” Jarvis continued yelling, “get a room, will ya? No one wants to see you two virgins dry hump in the middle of the road.”

“Virgins?” the man called Visser chuckled after breaking free from the girl’s embrace. “I guess it takes one to know one, JJ!”

“You’re a bag of shit, you know that? C’mere now, we’re leaving, yeah? I’m tired waiting for your stinky arse.”

“I’m ready whenever you are, nerd,” said the blond once he got closer.

“Fuck off, Visser. Meet my new friend. This is Takehiko,” said Jarvis and patted Takehiko’s shoulder. “He’ll be joining us.”

Visser smiled gently and threw his hand for a shake. “Bastiaan Visser, currently the only sane person in this group. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Takehiko nodded and returned the gesture.