“Don’t be angry. We can keep walking, ok? Is that fine?” He wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Ok? Come on, don’t be sad.” James felt horrible now, the tightness in his chest was making it difficult to breathe. “Don’t be sad.”

It was too late. James knew it. Victor buried his face in his hands and James felt his heart crack in his chest.

Well, shit. He wasn’t good at comforting people; he wasn’t even decent at it. He panicked. He wondered again if Victor had his inhaler. What a tragedy of a person.

“Victor, no. It’s ok.” He hugged him and held him by the back of his head. “Please don’t cry."

Victor didn’t hug him back, but he didn’t pull away. His face was touching the side of his neck, and it was hot.

He wasn’t sure what the effects of Ecstasy were, but he could guess that increased body heat was one of them.

He rubbed his back. There was no part of him that wanted to see Victor upset, or crying. There was no part of him that didn’t feel like complete crap now. He was doubting himself; what was so bad that he had to be mean about it? He couldn’t remember it.

Victor’s flirting?

Victor running on an empty street?

Victor laughing?

The tears were warm on his neck. He was desperate to make things better but didn’t know how.

“Hey, what do you want to do? We can do whatever you want.”

“I’m sorry.” Victor’s voice was strained. “We can go back, I’m sorry.”

“Do you want to go eat something? Maybe it’ll make you feel better. I saw a 24hr diner on our way here. We can go there.”

“No.” He took a deep breath in, then pulled away and wiped his eyes. “No, I don’t want anything. Call a cab, let’s go back. I don’t care. I don’t care anymore.”

Something inside James twisted.

“I didn’t mean to make you sad.” He took Victor by the tips of his fingers. “I’m sorry.”

That vibrating energy Victor had disappeared completely. The alertness that glowed in his eyes dimmed. He wasn’t laughing. He wasn’t even smiling. James knew that those things came from him being high and drunk, but they were better than this lack of life. Everything good had drained out of Victor and James felt like he was the one that pulled the plug.

“Whatever.” Victor pulled his hands back and shoved them in his pockets. “I’m used to it.”

“No, no, you shouldn’t be used to it.” 

Victor snorted and continued walking. The road stretched empty, cutting through the forest. The wind started blowing harder. It was definitely going to rain.

James jogged next to him. “I’ll call a cab. Ok?”

“Sure.” But he didn’t stop.

“Victor, we need to wait.”

Victor’s eyes snapped on him. They were red, the skin around them was red, his nose and cheeks were red.

“I don’t need to do anything, call your car, and leave me alone. I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone! Why do you even care? You don’t care! What do you want, huh?”

James didn’t answer, he didn't have an answer. 

“Oh, fine, fine, fine. Of course.” Victor’s humorless smile cracked on his face. He turned towards James and closed the remaining distance. “If you’re so eager to fuck me, I’ll let you do it once, and then you can leave me alone, how about that?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Come on.” Victor frowned and cupped his face. “You want to do it. You do, what else would anyone want form me?”

James moved away. “No. Listen to me, no, stop thinking like that.”

Victor rolled his eyes and threw his hands up. He took a step back, tripped and almost fell. “Fuck off. Liar. You’re a filthy liar. I hate this… this…” He gestured chaotically with his hands. “Stop pretending that you care. I don’t need anyone’s care. I don’t need yours either. I don’t want it. So, fuck off. Go to your boyfriend. Go care for Oliver.”

Victor stormed off. Anger followed him like a cape. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me! I’ve been doing it myself just fine! I don’t need you! I’m fine! I’m fine!”

James followed him. His heart was shaking in his chest.

“Victor.”

“I don’t need you.” He was crying again. 

He stopped and James walked into him. He was growing impatient. He wanted to throw Victor over his shoulder and take him back to the campus, kicking and screaming if necessary.

“Come on, just say it.” Victor grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him. “Say it, say yes, Victor, I want to fuck you. I don’t give a shit about you. And you know what, that’s fine. Nobody does anyway.”

“That’s not true.” James placed his hands over Victor’s hand. “That’s not true. I don’t want to hurt you.” He held him by the side of his neck and pressed his forehead against his. “I don’t want to hurt you, I would never hurt you, ok? Nobody should be allowed to hurt you, Vic.”

He hugged him again, tightly.

“You’re a shithead, but I would never do that, ok? Please stop running. Let’s go back to the campus. You’ll feel better after you sleep.”

“No, I won’t,” Victor said. “I never do.”