It's Monday again. After the bell rang that Friday, we just got up and left for class, not saying anything. I kinda wish I said something more than just "thank you for that," but that was really the only thing that first came to mind. Also, I noticed something kind of weird. I remember Alex telling me in the café that one time that he was an only child, but now he told me he has a brother. So... is he lying to me? I mean, it's nothing that major, but I feel like it's still kind of important. In some way.

Nothing interesting happened over the weekend (as usual), and my mom is slowly but surely recovering from this tragedy, but I honestly don't think she'll ever be the same again. My dad's been trying to cheer us up, like on Friday night he came home from work with three pints of ice cream, one for each of us. We ate them after dinner, but I barely made a dent in mine, and my dad only ate half of his. I guess none of us really had an appetite (but I mean, we just ate dinner.)

And here I am now, sitting in math class, next to Sarah. The silence between us at the beginning of class is becoming less awkward, but that's only because she gets up to talk to her other friend who sits to the right of me. I will say that I feel very lonely when it's not lunchtime because no one wants to make eye contact with me. I guess people still think I... pushed her down the stairs. It's either that a person knows about the rumor, or they don't know anything that has happened. Except for Alex, of course. He's the only one who has sympathized with me, but that's only because he doesn't know about the rumor. Or maybe he does know about it but doesn't want to bring it up. I'd rather think that he doesn't know about it.

The worst thing about this is that it isn't true, and no one's trying to see past how crazy this is. And for the people who are, they're not trying to do anything. It sounds sort of selfish, but I don't want this staying with me forever. I don't want to be afraid to encounter someone when I'm walking in the halls alone. But no one has really bothered me about it since that time Alex scared those guys away, and it's possibly because I stay with Alex. But I mean, I don't stay with Alex for protection. I'm not using him or anything like that, we're just friends. I just hope that no one else thinks that I'm using him for protection.

I sit in the same lunch spot with Alex. I still want to ask him about his brother, but he's still talking about swimming. Which is totally fine, and I'm listening to what he has to say.

"I've been practicing all week at the pool here," Alex says. "Y'know, you should come and see me swim for the competition. Only if you want to, of course. I'm

"I'll go to see you swim," I say (but I think we all know why I want to go.) "I don't have anything to do anyway."

He smiles. "Okay, that's great! It's right after school, at around 3:30, but you should try to come early if you want to get a good spot to sit. I'll be in the third and sixth event."

I nod, pushing up my glasses. "Okay."

There's a silence between us, and I decide to say something. "Um, can I ask you something?"

Alex looks up from his food. "Yeah, sure," he says with his mouth full.

I try to sort out in my head what I'm going to say because I don't want to accidentally say something wrong. What if his brother died like how she did? "You know... about last week on Friday. You were talking about your brother. But you said..." I feel my face getting hot and my palms starting to get sweaty. "...you said at the café that one time that you were an only child."

Alex's face slightly drops and he scratches behind his neck uncomfortably. Did I say something wrong?

"Oh, about that..." he says. "It's really nothing. It'll just sound really stupid."

I internally sigh with relief, but I physically slump in my chair a little bit, picking myself up after noticing that. At least it wasn't serious.

"It's just... um... well, when I was younger, my brother, he was always just... better at me at everything." He nervously laughs. "And he is older than me, but my family would always compare things like my grades or how well I did in sports too when he was my age. And he was better, so sometimes they said, 'You should learn from your brother' or even 'Why aren't you as good as your brother?' even when I was trying my best. And it would really hurt me, but I couldn't just tell them to stop.

"When we met up with family, they wanted to hear about him. Sometimes even my friends asked about him because he did so well in sports when he was in high school. At that time, I didn't really want a brother, I just wanted something for myself. So I just made believe that I didn't have one, and I told everyone that I was an only child." He leans his elbow on the table and runs his hand through his hair, sighing. He leaves his hand there, hair springing in between his fingers. "I mean, I'm kind of like an only child. He went off to college two years ago. But I guess I kinda just got used to saying that I was an only child. I didn't mean to lie to you though. It's so selfish."

I'm just speechless at this point, and I shift slightly in my seat. "Were you planning on telling me you had a brother?"

Alex shakes his head, putting his hand down. "No," he says quietly.

"I mean, I get it, though."

"You do?"

I nod. "Yeah. It's not selfish."

The second lunch bell rings, and some students around us stand up to get to class. There are some people who stay longer, but there's some, like Alex and me, who get to class on time.

"We should probably get to class," Alex says, packing a container into his lunch bag. I throw away my brown paper bag.

"Hey, maybe I'll see you after classes?"

"Maybe," I answer, walking away.

And here I am again, ignored and alone.