As I was making my way to lunch I began to feel butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was going to be embarrassed in some way. As I was walking into the lunchroom I saw Matthew was sitting with his popular friends. He had already become friends with the popular kids it had only been a week. After I grabbed my lunch and was heading to take a seat with my friends. When I was about halfway there a kid ran around the corner bumping into me and causing my food to hit the ground and everyone to look at me including Matthew. After that my face turned bright red and I got a little lightheaded. Matthew made eye contact with me and smiled at me but I didn't work. after that, I thought to myself what a way to start your junior year. I took a seat with my friends and put my head onto the table and sat like that for 5 minutes until one of my friends asked "Louis are you okay?" All I said "Yeah" with shakiness in my voice trying not to cry after that. Once lunch ended I went to my German class and halfway threw walking there I remembered that I have that class with Matthew. I didn't want to face him after what I had just happened in the lunchroom. As I walked in class I saw that the chairs were in the testing rows and felt some relief because I wouldn't have to face him after that incident. After the class was done and I felt someone tap on my shoulder as I turned around to see who had done it I realized it was Matthew and my face went bright red again and I felt sick to my stomach. He said "Are you ok? I seen what happened in the lunchroom u were really red" and I said "I am fine. Thanks for asking tho" after I said that I walked away as fast I could. I think I am developing feelings for him but I can't tell anyone because I am not out to anyone yet. That was another problem I was facing is I haven't told anyone that I'm gay. Keeping it a secret has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. There have been a few times have I almost outed myself by looking at a guy for too long and the constant urge to make a gay joke. When I got home after school I went up to my room and seen that Matthew was in the backyard of the house next to me. All day I haven't been able to stop thinking about that dream I had of Matthew. When he looked up he seen me in my window and I turned away and put my head into a pillow and screamed. After about 30 minutes I heard someone knock on my door. I went downstairs to see who it was and looked threw the peephole to see Matthew standing at my door. I thought about not opening it but I remembered that he had seen me in my window. I opened the door and he said "Hey, are you ok? I seen you in your window and you looked panicked after I waved." I turned bright red again and stuttered something I didn't even know what I said. I hated this feeling because I didn't know how to stop it. When I didn't say anything he said "Would you like to come over?" and said "Yeah" in a shaky voice. I put on some shoes and went to his house and we hung out for a bit. It was nice I found out a lot about him and started to become more attracted to him. The thought of him made me warm feeling. after about an hour of talking in his room, I ate dinner with his family and they were very nice people. When I was leaving Matthew asked for my Snapchat and we said bye and I went to my house. When I got upstairs and opened my phone I seen he had sent me a photo of him. He made a funny face and said something under it. I liked how random he was. after about 30 minutes of texting him I went to bed and had that same dream of him.