The ride back into the small town of Dilly is quiet. Ryan chose to ride home with Matt and Patrick, and Andy chose to go with his mom. No one dared share their opinion about that, though.

Patrick drove, and Matt sang to some stupid love song playing on the radio. Ryan takes his unplugged earbuds out just to listen, because he’s never seen his brother like this. Happy, relieved… and sad, all at the same time. Matt’s never been so… free.

After the song ends, Matt turns down the radio and turns to Ryan. Ryan does his best to look like he wasn’t just staring at his brother… or enjoying that stupid Katy Perry song.

“Danny just texted, they just got into Dilly. Think mom will mind if I wait around the farm for them to show up?” Matt asks, even though he knows the answer. The answer would, of course, be that his mom would mind, and would definitely pitch a fit. Ryan softens the blow a bit despite this.

“Maybe if you did my chores,” Ryan signs with a teasing smile on his face. Luckily, Matt had learned sign language for this exact moment, because in very sarcastically grand gestures, he tells Ryan to ‘Fuck off’.

They laugh. Matt can’t express how much he loves to hear Ryan laugh out loud like that. It feels like progress in the right direction for once.

“We’re here. Don’t know what the plans are since I can’t read sign language and drive, so what’s the verdict?” Patrick jokes exasperatedly. Matt pats him on the shoulder with one of those ‘you had to be there’ smirks. Patrick learned sign language too, but was rarely ever in need of it since Ryan almost never signed to him.

“I’m going to stay the night, I think. Do some chores, see my older brother and sister. Can you pick me up in the morning?” Matt asks.

Patrick nods and leans over to give Matt a kiss. He freezes at the last moment. Matt’s not quite sure if it’s okay to do that in front of Ryan.

Matt makes a quick shooing gesture at Ryan with his free hand, and Ryan practically ejects himself from the car.

“Kid knows where to make himself scarce,” Patrick pulls Matt in for a kiss before Matt can say anything back. It’s slow, and perfect. Maybe a little sexy too. Matt’s pretty sure he’s smiling into the kiss, and he feels like a million bucks just fell onto his lap. Except maybe it’s just Patrick’s hand sliding up Matt’s tight jeans.

“I will see you tomorrow,” Matt pulls away. “Love you.” He unbuckles and steps out of the maroon-colored truck.

“Probably love you more. I’m pretty confident like that, you know?” Patrick tells him. Matt rolls his eyes before slamming the door shut. He’s trying to hide this goofy smile from Patrick, and failing horribly. God, that man is his everything.

They wave one last time before Patrick drives off. He makes a silly ‘call me’ gesture with his hand in the window. Matt practically stunt doubles himself out of view. He can’t show anyone how much he’s blushing.

Matt and Ryan set to work on chores. Ryan works on cleaning out horse stalls while Matt separates certain types of food for certain types of horses. 1 scoop of feed, 2 scoops of medicine and a bit of sawdust for the oldest horse, Soloman. The instructions for each horse were written on a whiteboard, and Matt admits that he wasn’t sure about what he was doing. It’s been so long.

“Ryan? Mind showing me which feed is for which horse? I only know Soloman’s meal by heart.” Matt admits as he carries the one bucket to Soloman’s stall. He opens the gate and the reddish brown horse is already trying to stick his head into the bucket Matt’s gripping.

There is no answer from Ryan, but Matt hears him set down the pitchfork he was using to clean out the stalls. After Soloman’s food is hung in his stall, Matt goes to replace the water. By the time he gets back, all of the food buckets are set up, and Ryan is already shoveling out poop from the stall again.

Matt makes quick work of feeding each horse, and replacing their water. Matt remembers how he used to be the one doing the hard work, and setting out the feed for Ryan and Andy to carry to each horse's stall. They were too little to know which horse got which mix of feed, so Matt did it for them. Oh, how the tables turn.

It’s nearly after six when a car pulls up the long drive of the Shawford Family Ranch. Ryan and Matt are hard at work exercising the horses in the round pen when they notice the unfamiliar black truck pull up next to the house.

“I bet it’s Jamie and Danny. Let’s go say hi,” Matt is quick to tie the horse to a wooden pole. Ryan follows suit with his own horse and hurry's up the yard after Matt.

Jamie and Daniel are pulling suitcases out of the back of the sedan when they notice Matt and Ryan. It’s a great big reunion then. The siblings are happy to see each other after what feels like years apart. Except Andy’s not there. For some reason, Andy has chosen his mother over his siblings. That bothered Ryan the most.

The conversation is light, and greetings include a hug and a friendly “how do ya do?”. No one says anything remotely close to “I’m sorry for your loss”. It’s understood that it just isn’t necessary. Somewhere deep down, they just couldn’t feel sorry enough to muster up the words.

“How’d mom take it?” Daniel asks when the greetings are finished. They try not to let it kill the mood, but it does anyway.

“Well, she wasn’t happy about seeing me around Ryan and Andy, if that’s what you mean.” Matt paused. “Honestly, I don’t know. It doesn’t look like she has a burial or a service planned yet. Maybe she’s just hoping it’ll all go away?”

“Sounds about right. Ignoring things until they disappear is kind of her style. Do you think she’ll let me stay here tonight? I don’t have a hotel reservation, or the money to make one.” Daniel says sheepishly.

Literally no one is surprised that the animal-loving-atheist-vegetarian is strapped for money.

“Well, I’m staying here, so maybe? At least I know where the spare key is to the barn. I’ll sleep in the hay if it comes down to it.” Matt laughs. It amazes him that he’s able to joke about this the same way Patrick is. He always assumed that Patricks light-and-airy attitude came from a detached part of Matt’s life. Detached in the sense that he isn’t a part of Matt’s family, and therefore, can joke about it. Apparently, Matt was wrong.

“Cool. It’ll be like old times.” Daniel starts wheeling his bags up to the house.

That sentence stutters and dies outside of Daniel’s mouth. If only he had let the sentence die on his tongue where it couldn’t be heard. There’s something about the “old times” that no one is really keen on bringing up.

And that would be Jamie’s gender identity.

“I don’t- I don’t feel very comfortable sharing a room with you anymore...” Jamie knew it was stupid… she’d spent her whole life sharing a room with Danny. It was ridiculous that just because her gender changed that she suddenly feels uncomfortable, right? Right?

“Oh yea, I totally get it… um, I could sleep in Matt and the twins room?” Daniel offers. Even Ryan scoffs at that. The twins room was going to be plenty crowded with Matt in there. Three guys in the same room was plenty. No need for a fourth. Matt had to admit that it would be kind of crowded.

“I can’t believe mom broke down the walls of my room to build an open-space dining room.” Jamie groaned. About three years after Jamie left the house for good, their mother decided enough was enough. She wanted that extra space for something nice, and no one was going to stop her. She broke down that wall and hired handymen to make it look like a nice addition to the house.

They walk through the front door and look around. No one was specifically invited in, but they all crowded in the small entrance way despite that. The laundry room they were standing in hadn’t changed much over the years. Daniel and Jamie carried their bags into the kitchen and stared at the pearly white cabinets, and pristine counters.

“Wow, she did more than just fix up a fancy dining room…” Jamie mumbled in astonishment. The old barn house had, somewhere in the last six years, turned into a fancy ranch house.

“What are you doing here?” Their mother stood at the other end of the kitchen. She was standing there in an old dress and worn out slippers. She was burning holes into their skulls with a glare to rival the gods. She seems weaker and weaker every time her kids see her though. The cancer seems to suck away at her scary glare until there’s nothing left but an empty look and sorrowful regret.

“We’re just finishing up chores and deciding on where we’ll stay for the night.” Matt says with a confidence he didn’t believe he had. He figures that he’s somehow channeling Patrick’s energy within him. Jamie shrinks to the back of the crowd as if hoping to avoid her mother’s piercing judgement. Jamie wore a light and airy dress with her blonde haired pulled up into a ponytail, like she did almost every day.

Their mother only looked angry for a second longer. She braces herself against the marbled countertop and looks down. There’s only so long that she can look menacing before the chemo saps her strength. Mary Shawford knew she couldn’t tell her kids to sleep outside. She wanted to- but found herself unable. Her lousy excuse of a husband was laying in a morgue, and Mary didn’t have it in her to be alone anymore.

“All of my sons will wear boy clothes in my house.” Mary Shawford snaps before turning on her heels. She silently marches into her room and slams the door behind her.

Matt looks around at the others with a bewildered expression. “So… was that an invitation to stay?”