Instead of finding Confidence, Lonely spent most of his time at home with the door locked, trying to explore the new feelings blooming within him. But they weren’t new, they were things he had felt for a long time, but he finally had a real word for them.

He knew he needed to go out and talk to Confidence about them eventually, but when he’d woken the day after, he hadn’t wanted to. He’d felt awful and he wanted to be able to put a word to the feeling. For weeks, he explored what it was like to be truly awake and alive, to feel as the humans did.

He didn’t work much, every few days or so, whenever his loneliness got too much for him to handle. Most of his time was spent thinking, of all things. He thought about everything, the last few centuries of his life and the lies he had been told, if they were all lies. Part of him still doubted it, even as he allowed the waves of emotion to wash over him. It wasn't something he was able to make complete sense of.

Spending so much time on his own did make him feel guilty, something that took a few days for him to recognise. He should have been out there talking to Confidence, who knew far more about what was going on than him. How long had Confidence known that they could feel? How many others were there that agreed with him?

Love had to, from the way Confidence had talked about him. He trusted him. But both of them were friends with Sadness, something Lonely didn't understand. Why be friends with the one person who tried to subdue everything about them? To keep up appearances? It was the only explanation he could think of.

Of course, there were doubts within him, whispers in the back of his mind that it was all some trick made up by Sadness to hurt him, but he couldn't figure out why. There wasn't any point in making him suffer like that, not when he hadn't done anything wrong. Part of him still found it hard to believe that Confidence would be friends with Sadness when he was so angry with them.

Lonely knew that the only way to find the answers was to ask. But he couldn't find it in him to leave his house. He was scared, he knew that much, scared of what it all would mean should he try to find the truth through Confidence. So long he had spent believing that he could only feel one thing, it was so overwhelming to be able to finally recognise all the others. It made him feel like a human, something he most definitely wasn't.

He cried sometimes when he was trying to sleep. He was sad and scared and anxious and as a result, he cried. But at least he knew why. He cried when someone, always Confidence, came to the door, staying there for a few minutes only to eventually give up and walk away. Even though Lonely needed to face him, he hadn't been ready.

But after almost two weeks, he finally was. He woke up one morning, more refreshed than he had ever been and ready to learn the truth of his existence. He had so many questions. How did Confidence know for sure? Why did Sadness keep it from them? There was so much to learn and for the first time since he had last seen Confidence, he was excited to know.

There was still nervousness within him and for a few hours after he’d woken, he debated leaving. He had too though and when the sun was high in the sky, he finally left the house. In an attempt to make himself look more together than he felt, he dressed in his neatest black dress shirt and pants, barely sparing a moment to push down his hair.

As per usual, the path down to Zajed was silent, but his thoughts filled the quiet. His stomach ached with anticipation and nervousness. He had to continue on, had to get his answers. It was what he deserved after centuries of living under a lie.

Everything still seemed the same in town. People wandered the streets, chatting happily to their friends. Did they feel things too or was it faked? He couldn’t tell and he didn’t want to ask in fear of getting himself caught. So he stayed silent as he followed the familiar route to Confidence’s house.

It too looked the same, even after the long weeks since Lonely’s first and only time there. It was completely silent, but he hadn’t seen Confidence anywhere in the streets. Even so, he knocked on the door without checking if it was unlocked. He didn’t want to barge in like everyone else. In the circumstances, it felt rude.

He waited in silence, listening for any sound coming from within. He should have checked if the door was unlocked first so that he wasn’t standing around awkwardly waiting for someone to open the door, but it was too late. Footsteps thudded on the other side of the door and he steeled himself, ready for whatever would come when it opened.

The face that appeared as the door swung open wasn’t Confidence’s, but someone who made him freeze with shock and fear. Sadness stood there and when he searched their cool blue eyes for emotion, he saw nothing there. Their long chestnut hair had been tied back, showing off their sharp jawline and disapproving scowl.

“S- Sadness?” he said, his voice barely coming out. He didn’t dare ask what they were doing there, he didn’t have the right, no matter how curious he was.

They went to speak, but a high-pitched voice interrupted them. “Sadness? Who’s there?” Disgust asked as she appeared at their side. “Oh. Lonely? Why are you here?” As her name would suggest, she sneered at him as if he were something rotten she had trodden on.

It took him a moment to find his words. They were the last people he had expected to see and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. “I needed to talk to Confidence,” he said. It wasn’t as though he could lie, he was standing right outside Confidence’s house.

“What about?” Sadness asked in their deep voice, their arms crossed over their chest.

“It’s a private matter between us,” he answered, biting down on his lip.

For a moment, nothing happened, then Sadness and Disgust shared a look and Lonely knew he was never getting inside, never seeing Confidence again. He had known from the second he had seen Sadness’s face on the other side of the door. Everything was over, they knew he’d been disobeying their rules, maybe even knew that he could feel.

Sadness sighed. “You’re not allowed to have private matters, Lonely. You know that,” they said. His heart leapt into his throat, stopping any words from coming out. He was frozen on the little path before Confidence’s house, panic rushing through his mind. It was obvious that Sadness and Disgust knew that he wasn’t following their rules anymore, he couldn’t hide that from them, it didn’t matter how much it all scared him.

“You know the rules, Lonely,” Disgust added, still sneering at him and pushing her short blonde hair out of her eyes. He wanted to run, but he couldn’t move. They would follow him if he did, isolate from the world until he went insane from the loneliness. “Confidence said you two only talked about book recommendations, nothing more. Are you telling us that he lied?”

“No, no!” he said. He couldn’t let Confidence get in trouble for his stupidity. “There was a book… And Wisdom didn’t have it so I let him borrow it. I just came to get it back.” He had to lie, he had to, even though there was a part of him that wanted to scream the truth.

“You are terrible at lying,” Sadness said with a shake of their head. “You know better than this. Friends aren’t for you, you know that. Did you really think you could try something like this and not get caught?”

Lonely gritted his teeth. “I’m doing nothing wrong,” he spat. It was the truth, but he knew Sadness and Disgust wouldn’t see it that way.

“You’re disrupting your emotion, causing the humans to suffer. That can’t happen, I thought we had made that clear to you at that start,” Sadness said, glaring at him. “I don’t want to be doing this to you, Lonely, but it’s the only way to make sure the human’s emotions are as balanced as they should be. You need to be able to feel your emotion, this is the only way.”

“But I thought we could only feel our emotion, every second of every day. How does me having friends stop that, unless-”

Disgust’s hand grabbing his wrist stopped him from speaking, her nails digging into his flesh. “Don’t finish that sentence,” she hissed. “You feel either loneliness or numbness, that is how it should be. We are not humans, don’t ever think we are. Don’t delude yourself into thinking we get that luxury.”

For the first time since the door had opened, Lonely noticed the other faces watching from behind Sadness and Disgust. He never should have thought that it was just them. It was Love too, and Fear and Happy and Pride. So many people were there, watching him make a fool of himself, but there was no Confidence.

“You’re wrong,” he said, tears in his eyes. “Your rules are false, full of lies and I won’t listen to them anymore.” He didn’t know what was coming out of his mouth. It too was a lie. He was terrified of what was going to happen to him, but the words never stopped coming.

Disgust’s nails dug into his skin and he ripped his arm away. Pain blossomed and he let out a muffled groan as black blood welled on the shallow cuts. “I think that’s proof enough that you aren’t at all like the humans you think you are,” Disgust said and crossed her arms over her chest.

“If you think we will let you off for this, Lonely, you were wrong,” Sadness snapped as Lonely wiped at the blood on his arms, his hands shaking. “You will not go unpunished. We always told you what would happen if you broke the rules. You were wrong not to believe us.”

“You will do no such thing!” a voice boomed. Finally, Confidence appeared in the hallway, pushing past the crowd within and stalking towards the three of them. He grabbed Sadness by the shoulder and twisted them towards him. “What do you think you’re doing? This is my house!”

Sadness pursed their lips. “And this is my town. He is one of my people and I have the right to punish them as I see fit,” they replied.

“Not in my home,” Confidence hissed and guided them past Lonely before turning back to the others inside the house. “Everyone out! Now!”

Without much protest, all of them filtered from the house. Love gave Lonely a sad look as he passed, one he couldn’t interpret and decided it was best not to dwell on. Sadness and Disgust were the last to leave, glaring at the both of them as if there was something wrong with them. Then they were gone, stomping down the streets and disappearing around the corner with a silent promise that it wasn’t over.

Suddenly nervous, Lonely hugged himself and stared at the ground. “I can leave too,” he whispered and took a step towards the street.

“No.Come with me,” Confidence said, his blonde hair waving in the wind as he grabbed Lonely’s uninjured arm. He dragged him inside and slammed the door shut, pulling away to cross his arms over his chest. “What on Earth was all of that?”