A/N: Ummm... I don't know whether to make this mature or not, you are being warned now.

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“I think I would rather have people think I did than actually, um, you know have relations with a freaking goat.”

“Yeah, I am pretty okay with not sticking it in a goat…” Dearan said with no humor in his voice, surprised to hear a dinosaur roar like sound from his side, he looked to the side to see what the hell was wrong with Stephan, only to see him violently laughing.

“That’s one way to phrase it,” Stephan forced out between chuckles.

“Oh, shush!” Dearan said, joining the other in as chuckling as well. He unpaused the CD, now actually having fun.

“What’s the difference between jam and jelly?” The voice said Dearan paused it once again, feeling like this would be a long conversation.

“Ummm… there isn’t one?” Dearan questioned. He got more sure of himself and added, “It is all just a marketing technique.”

“I think that jelly actually has crushed up bits of fruit in it,” Stephan said, though he did not sound sure either.

“Now that you say it, I think that jam is the one that actually has the fruit in it, because my aunt has definitely given me homemade jam but not jelly.”

“You know what, that actually sounds more right.”

“More right? Not more correct, or accurate?” Dearan teased. “You might need to learn how to sound all posh and grammatically correct if you want to be a publisher.”

“I think I am okay, I spell grammar real gucci, so I think it’ll all be hella lit, bro, you feel me?”

“You are driving so I don’t want to visually distract you, but facepalm,” Dearan laughed out.

“When the palm doth hit-ith thy face, Stephan knew he done fucked the grammar up,” Stephan said, trying to sound fancy and serious.

“Very posh, good sir.”

“To an extreme.”

Dearan unpaused the CD, the voice came back over the speakers, “OMG. One of my girlfriends just texted, and her boyfriend’s huge ass, thick, long cock just totally knocked her IUD into her vaginal wall. He totally fucked me last week though and I was fine, god, she’s such a drama queen, the only thing that hurts after his cock has gone through someone is a good hurt you know? Like I couldn’t walk the next day. Although he totally creampied me so my thighs were all sticky too. God, I’ll fuck him again tonight just so he doesn’t feel guilty to show it wasn’t his fault. We don’t even need to wear a condom because I’m on the pill and his god damn cock would feel even better if it came in me, spraying his thick white cum all in me, then pulling out so he could spray all over my vagina soaking my clit… fuck I’m getting turned on.”

There was a three-second silence then the same voice came back just more out of breath. “Anyway, where were we? Oh, next up listeners is, your favorite scent of deodorant,” the voice said, sounding bored.

“Wait, what the fuck? Did she just pause the recording to masturbate, but she didn’t cut the part about her fucking her friend’s boyfriend? And she went into such detail in her fantasy.” Dearan said.

“I never have gotten this far in the CD… I… wait did she just say she slept with her… wait how the… the IUD? But she wants to sleep with him again, but then like…” Stephan said utterly bewildered.

“Want to pause it? Maybe we could revisit it later…”

“Yeah… Okay, that was getting a bit weird anyway… I would like to share my jasmine deodorant with whom I wish, when I wish,” Stephan said, his voice completely void of humor.

“When I smelled you I guess I thought you had just rubbed up against one of your female friends until you started smelling like female perfume,” Dearan said, with no malice intended.

“Okay. First off, I know a lot of my friends like ‘getting with’ every girl they see, but I like to really get to know someone before ‘rubbing up’ against them. I think you probably got that idea from my virgin lips. Secondly, I like smelling nice, and all the men’s deodorants I have tried smell like… a barn and that shit gives me an allergic reaction, also what even is old spice. The last problem with what you just said is, dude I smell great and I don’t have a rash, all people should want to smell great, regardless of their gender,” Stephan said

“I guess that does make sense, sorry for teasing you at first. In celebration of this mental revolution for me, I will start wearing rose geranium deodorant.”

“It’s fine... why so specific?”

Dearan turned towards the window to hide his blush, “That’s my mother’s deodorant scent, it smells really good. When I was younger I would ‘sneak’ into my mum’s bathroom and just smell it like how some kids smell scented markers. Once I actually tried eating it but my mom caught me in time to save me.”

“Holy shit, I want to hug you,” Stephan whimpered.

“Got to hug the small, weird, gay, addicted to sniffing his mother’s deodorant with small amounts of sweat residue, kid?” Dearan said, laughing almost as loud as Stephan. 

"When they finally stopped laughing Stephan opened his mouth but Dearan cut him off, “I know you are about to pick apart that self-deprecating sentence, don’t bother, that was just a joke, I love lil gay me.” Dearan added, just to turn off any idea of rebutting that sentence, “I mean who wouldn’t love me, I’m a perfect combination of all things holy.”

Stephan opened his mouth to reply, but he seemed to have nothing to say, just closing his mouth then opening it up again. “I… really don’t know how to reply to that…”

“That is in fact the only correct reply to what I just said. As a perfect person, you can trust that that is correct.”

“That is even harder to reply too.”

“As a perfect person, I already know, that is why I said that.”

Stephan shivered for dramatic effect, “I hail thee, oh perfect one.”

“Bloody hell that just sounds creepy…”

“I have noticed you have say a lot of Britishisms, is there a reason?”

“My mum is from London so my dialect sometimes differs from American English.”

“I think you mispronounced ’Murican,” Stephan said with a laugh, making fun of how some people say American.

“You know, I think you are right, sometimes my speech might differ from the ’Murican dialect,” Dearan replied with a laugh.