Who's there? A voice said from behind the door. That voice sounds so familiar. I don't know what to say so I just sort of blurt a name out and hope for the best. What else could I do?

Luca?

Yeah? The voice said hesitantly, like if someone was breaking into his house.

Its Sarah

Sarah?

Yeah.

Where are you? Luca exclaimed almost in disbelief.

Umm outside your door.

I see the light underneath the door leave and come back.

No you're not.

I state the obvious, I knock on his door three times.

What the fuck?! Is that really you?

Yeah it's me.

I'm sorry this is a lot for me to handle. You died.

How is someone supposed to respond to that information? Usually it doesn't take much speculation. I'm physically here talking to him and I don't have any recollection of dying. I was pretty sure I was alive. But then again, talking to Luca didn't make much sense either. I could've been dead. Who's to say? I`ve seen enough stories about people who died and didn't know it.

No, I'm pretty sure I'm alive. Luca you died.

I--, he stammers then pauses for a couple seconds.

I--, Suddenly he starts laughing hysterically. I cant see him but I can tell that he genuinely finds what I said funny if at all absurd. I can hear him stamp his feet down and gasp for air before laughing his ass off again. I hear him take another deep breath and say.

What is going on.

I don't know, I tell him. Maybe one of us is imagining this.

You think so, he says, almost looking for reassurance.

I reassure him, gotta be. Frankly I wasn't too sure. Seemed very real to me.

If you think that's true, can I ask you something? He asked a little more confidently. How did I die?

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. What do I even say to that? I remember when his mom asked me that same question. I remember her face. how much it contorted and furrowed in grief. Her damp crows feet, her barely open eyes, squinting into moon shaped pools. I remember her tight frown, dribble running off her lips. The snot running down her nose to the corner of her mouth. her angry and pained moaning.

Why.

Why.

Why.

I ask him, Why?

He tells me, Why not? If you tell me I'll tell you.

I grab a pillow from the sofa, put it by the threshold by the door and sit on it. Curiosity always had a way with me, tonight right there I decided I was just gonna pull an allnighter. It's saturday night and I don't have work until Monday night, why not.

You killed yourself Luca.

I killed myself? He said almost unsurprised. Sounds about right.

You think about suicide? I asked him carefully.

I used to, he says. I tried once when I was younger.

Jesus, I'm sorry Luca. I didn't know what to say. I'm thrown back to when I told his mother the news.

Eh dont be sorry, I did ask. Luca says. It's weird hearing someone who you thought was dead tell you how you died.

I didn't know how that felt but a morbid curiosity kind of took hold of me and wondered how it felt. My heart starts pounding. A paranoid part of me wonders if it's a good idea to ask, maybe for the best that I didn't. It's like the act of learning something that I shouldn't know made me want to dig in more and just ask.

I couldn't help it. I wanted to know.

So...what happened to me?

Before I tell you I need to ask if you ever thought about taking your own life?

No I said confidently although that wasn't entirely true.

Have you ever involved yourself with people that could get you in trouble?

Confused by the question I just answered no with a similar confidence.

Okay I'll tell you, but please don't freak out.