When we got back home and Zesper fell asleep (his back pressed next to me), I immediately sent Alex a message, panicking.

em0child7: you wont believe what just happened

spunkygirl76: this better be good i was in the middle of smth

em0child7: you can have sex later, listen ok me and zesper were on a walk and he grabbed my hand

spunkygirl76: ZESPER WENT OUTSIDE

em0child7: dont worry i made sure he was covered, but thats not the point rn

spunkygirl76: well ur point isnt interesting

em0child7: wtf do you mean its not interesting, he grabbed my hand alex! and we walked like that! holding hands!

spunkygirl76: so what

em0child7: bitch

spunkygirl76: well i mean its not surprising

em0child7: … idk alex

spunkygirl76: omg hes clearly into u

em0child7: how can u tell ????

spunkygirl76: god felix have u ever flirted before. actually dont answer, i know u havent

em0child7: now youre just being mean

spunkygirl76: im being truthful. but honestly bro just make a move dont b a pussy

em0child7: shut tf up. i dont wanna scare him away

spunkygirl76: u fcking nerd. ur sleeping in the same bed ! he grabbed ur hand ! he def likes u and hes been making all the moves so far

em0child7: im not good at relationships ok. U already know that

spunkygirl76: i dont count ur fuckboy experiences as relationships since we all know u only did it 2 piss off ur dad

em0child7: exactly. ive never done this shit before. and now u want me to try with an alien ???

spunkygirl76: its gonna b fine

em0child7: idk alex

spunkygirl76: u know what, lets have this argument in person, i have shit i need 2 get back 2

em0child7: fine go have sex traitor

spunkygirl76: peace

I raked a hand through my hair, casting an eye on Zesper’s sleeping form. His tail had settled over my torso at some point, and I took a moment to appreciate the feeling of his skin on mine.

This was evidently the new routine, because all I seemed to do at night was think about the person who was lying only a couple of inches away from me. And a small part of me wondered, why not? Why couldn’t I be with Zesper?

And then reality would kick in. I would remember the most important fact first, that he’s not even from Earth, and then it would all be downhill from there.

He could never go out in public. We could never get married. He may not even feel the same way about me at all. And then there was the fact that he was pretty and nice. He was optimistic and kind. Whereas I was dark and gloomy, a dark stain on the fabric of the world. No one in their right mind would ever want to be with me. Once they realized who I really was, they’d leave too.

And I couldn’t risk that with Zesper. Because not only was his friendship something I didn't want to lose, there’s the fact that he’s most likely stuck on Earth for the rest of his life (which has its own bag of problems), and he only knows me and Alex. I can’t jeopardize that.

~~~

I snuck out of bed that next morning, carefully and quietly shutting the door to my bedroom behind me. Zesper was still sleeping, and I had to shift most of his limbs off of me before I could up.

I was making a pot of coffee when Alex texted me saying she was on her way over. I groaned internally, knowing she was heading over early on purpose to continue last night's conversation.

She didn’t live very far from me, and that coupled with her driving skills meant it was only a couple of minutes before she arrived.

I opened the door for her before she could knock, and she nearly spilled the coffee cup in my hand, she came bounding in so fast.

“Watch it. Also, try to be quiet please, Zesper is still asleep.” I shut the door behind her, watching ruefully as she collapsed on my couch, her bracelets jangled loudly.

“Good. Because we need to talk.” She held out her hands to me and I sighed, handing her my coffee cup. “Ugh. You barely put any creamer in at all.”

I shrugged, not feeling in the least bit bad. “Go get your own coffee then.”

Alex completely ignored me and jumped right into the subject. “I think you should tell Zesper today.”

I pressed my mouth into a line and didn’t say anything.

“Come on Felix, you’re gonna have to tell ‘em eventually. Might as well do it now.”

I shook my head, saying, “I don’t want to. I don’t wanna fuck up our friendship.”

“Felix, the longer you wait the worse it’s gonna get. Secrets always lead to bad things in relationships.”

“We’re not even in a relationship, Alex.” I was getting aggravated and my tone was a warning, though of course, she didn’t hear it.

And we never will be. 

“But you could be!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I think not telling him is as bad as lying to him.”

“No, it isn’t! Look, how would that conversation even go?” I didn’t notice I was getting louder.

I don't want to lose him. 

“He can make decisions for himself! But you need to get it out there! When are you gonna tell him? Huh?” Alex’s face was scrunched up in anger, and her voice was getting louder too.

I'm unlovable. 

“I don’t know! Maybe never! After all, only an idiot would ever want to be with me in the first place.” My voice went low and deadly, and I stared at Alex, my face hard, my arms crossed against my chest.

In the silence, a tiny snuffling sound made both me and Alex’s heads dart up, and at the same time, we both saw Zesper standing in the hallway, his three eyes filled with tears.