Sir Mark said that there are more small groups all over the state with the same name as that, but only his group treats their members through sexual therapy. He’s very proud of this. According to Sir Mark, putting inferior people on their knees makes his small group the best thing in the world. He said that once these people learned their inferiority in this world and began to accept that Sir Mark is far superior to them, these members would surely feel like their souls have been renewed.
There’s fulfillment in knowing your place, Sir Mark said. And once his members accepted their position in the world, they would soon realize that god is not real, and religion is nothing but a lie, and the only thing worth worshipping in the world are the people who are born better and stronger. He said that the veritable gods of the world are those who are superior to most of the citizens of the world. He said that there are just some people who are born to serve while there are those who are born to be worshipped. Some people are just born inferior, he said. Sir Mark calls them “the weak-minded populous.” Once the people accepted the truth that they are nothing but useless and dispensable members of the world, Sir Mark said that his group would soon begin their ritual. Everyone will fuck the new members of their group who had just accepted their place in the world. They would use that said member in a sepulcher, bound and gagged. Sir Mark said that this is necessary. Only then can one’s soul be truly healed. Only then can these people genuinely find genuine happiness. All they have to do is confide their life to their superiors and denounce their current god.
That was when Sir Mark said those hauntingly familiar words to me.
Faraqha und sharvhaza dheze.
He told me to repeat those same words with pride and honor.
Faraqha und sharvhaza dheze.
He said that it means “denounce your current god.”
Denouncing one’s god.
The only real healing of one’s soul. The only way humanity can truly be ‘better.’
I can be like a superior man like Sir Mark, according to him. I, too, can be an alpha male. All I have to do is to be a part of his group. His group in particular. Not the other Heal; Soul groups. Only he alone can turn me from a beta to an alpha, he said. Sir Mark even noted that this is his life’s greatest work. He sacrificed everything that he had to turn his members into leaders, mentors, and gurus in their own fields. Real alphas. People at the top of the food chain. He said that this is the reason he’s often gone from the store. Sir Mark said that he didn’t mind this because “the will of the mother far outweighs any prizes and consequences.” That’s what he said, word for word. I understood nothing about it.
I left Sir Mark’s office right there and then. I heard him shouting at me while chuckling. “Remember. Denounce your current god.” His laughter later echoed all around me as I swung the door open.
I don’t even remember what happened throughout that day. I just kept thinking about this revelation that has been given to me. Why did he even give this much information to me? I didn’t even ask! I would like to write in this journal who asked him to say about all those things he had told me, but I can’t. Because nobody asked.
I was so out of it during my shift. Sir Mark asked me what my problem is and why I am letting private matters get the better of my performance on the job. George asked me why I looked so pale and that it’s making the customers uncomfortable. Every passing moment I stayed there, I would feel more and more constrained. It felt as if the universe itself was strangling my neck, and there’s nothing I could do to stop it. Everyone is looking at me with prejudice and hate. My boss and my co-worker are both looking at me with contempt because of how my performance in the job had plummeted drastically.
I felt like I was reaching my breaking point.
That was when Lucas entered the shop, like an angel of the morning. He didn’t even say much. He just asked me a straightforward question.
“Are you okay?”
Somehow, when I heard those short words of care and tenderness, I feel like the omniscient and invisible hands grabbing my neck had ceased to exist.
And the only thing that exists in the world is Lucas and me. Objects started to have color again, and the skies finally shed some light on my life.
I chuckled when I saw him as I tried my hardest to suppress my tears. I told him I’m feeling okay. Well, I would be lying if I said that earlier, but when I heard Lucas’s short and almost insignificant words of care towards me, I felt so much better that I feel like I can live to see another week again. Lucas tapped my shoulder lightly with a gentle smile as he left the store, making me suddenly feel so invigorated. I feel like I can conquer the world just because I saw his relaxed smile and heard his nonchalant voice. Everything just feels so tense and messed up around me that seeing this moment of calmness and care made the world feel more of a better place again. It’s such a quiet moment, but maybe that’s just what I needed. Quietness. Silence. Stillness. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Suddenly, the voices of the people around me and the noises of everything around me had ceased. Shushed. Nothing else could penetrate the barrier in my eardrums. I felt the dopamine coursing through my brain. It felt wonderful.
I then went home after all that, still with the same joy and enthusiasm for the world at large. Everything else seems mute. The honking of the cars would not even enter my brain anymore. Nothing in the world can break my silence. I have almost even forgotten most of what happened today and everything about Heal; Soul. Perhaps I would have buried all those pieces of information in my head if I hadn’t written them in this journal.
Before I came to my room, I saw Ivan sitting in the corner of the corridor. Looking blankly on the ceiling while slowly scratching his neck. He seems to be muttering those three words that must have been so familiar to him at this point.
Praise. Obey. Surrender.
His words echoed throughout the corridor. I wasn’t happy to see him like this, but I know that this is necessary for his growth. I embraced him tightly for a few seconds as he muttered those three words into the void before I went to my room.
I will improve my cousin’s well-being. I will make sure that he will find real happiness. Not the half-baked sex-craved happiness. I will bring him genuine happiness.
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