Zesper turned and fled back to my room when he saw us move, and I was out of my chair in a flash.

Shit.

“Zesper, wait!” I was too slow, however, and I tried to open the door he had closed only to find it was locked.

“Zesper, can we talk, please? This isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” Alex silently followed me, her face a mask of shock and horror.

“I do not want to talk!” His sentence was punctuated by sniffles, and I physically felt my rib cage closing in on itself.

He’s crying because of what you said.

“Please? I can explain.” I leaned my head against the door, and barely felt as Alex set a hand on my shoulder.

“There is nothing for you to explain. I wish to be alone.”

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Zesper, please. Let me explain.” My voice cracked, even though I had tried to keep it steady.

“Why? After all, I’m evidently an idiot.”

His words hit me like steel bricks, and I sucked in air. Alex breathed in sharply next to me, and all my thoughts seemed to collide together.

He said he was an idiot he likes you he’s angry now look what you’ve done he’s crying in there because of you he wants to be with you now you ruined that now look now look now look-

“I’m so sorry.” My voice was low and tiny, and I wasn’t even sure he heard me.

I didn’t receive a response, and I took an unsteady step back from the door. The walls leaned in, and all I could see was that solid door in front of me. The air was sucked from the room and my chest caved in. Helplessness and confusion crashed into me, and my thoughts were yelling, screaming at me.

And so I ran.

I ran straight out of my apartment, ignoring Alex calling after me. I vaulted down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk, trying to outrun the image of Zesper’s eyes filled with tears.

I didn’t know where I was going, I couldn’t see. I could hear yelling and honking but my brain didn’t register what it meant. I had only one objective, and that was to outrun my mistakes and their consequences.

~~~

I finally had to stop, and I bent over, drawing in gasping breaths. Not only had I just done serious physical activity for the first time since what was probably high school, but it was also freezing outside, and I hadn’t bothered to get properly dressed.

There was a convenient bench close by, almost as if I were part of a story and a lazy author was running out of ideas.

I collapsed on it, still trying to regain the air I had lost. The cold quickly settled in, however, and after about seven seconds I decided I had frozen into an ice cube.

“Son? Are you alright?”

I whipped my head to the side and saw there was an elderly lady sitting next to me that I hadn’t noticed before.

“Oh I uh, yeah, sorry, I’m good.” I attempted a smile, but my face was becoming stiff alarmingly fast.

“Clearly you are not, young man. What are you doing outside in the cold without a coat?” The woman, who was completely bundled up, crossed her arms while glaring at me, and I was reminded of a grandmother I’d never had.

“Oh er, well you see. I uh, I kinda ran out of my apartment really quickly, and I didn’t really stop to grab anything on my way out.” I wrapped my arms around myself, laughing slightly at how ridiculous my story sounded.

“That sounds incredibly foolish. Why did you run out like that?”

I had a sudden urge to tell this stranger everything, to spill out everything that had happened in the course of only a handful of days.

“It’s a long story.” I rubbed my hands together.

“My apartment is right there, come in and have tea and we can discuss your long story.” The woman stood up and started walking to a complex directly across the street, without waiting for an answer. My body seemed to like the idea well enough, and my feet followed her before I had a chance to say no.

~~~

“Now then. Tell me this story of yours.” I was seated comfortably at the woman’s (whose name I learned was Dolores) table, and was nursing a cup of hot tea.

I took a deep sip and started my story, with slight modifications. “Well, this guy has been staying with me, and he’s er, he’s a long way from home.” I took a deep gulp of tea.

“Plus, his customs are a, uh, lot different than ours, and while he’s been doing things I consider flirting, I don’t know if it means the same to him.” My words started to speed up, falling over themselves. “And I really like him you know, and Alex, that’s my best friend, well we got into an argument about it this morning.

Well, he was still asleep, so I was talking freely and then I looked up and he was standing there, Dolores.” I frowned, staring at the table. “And right before I noticed him in the room I said anyone who would ever want to be with me was an idiot.”

Dolores shook her head, clucking sympathetically.

“And he heard me, and he had tears in his eyes, I could see it, but he ran back to the room and locked the door and I was trying to talk to him through the door you know? And I was like, ‘lemme explain’ and then he said he was evidently an idiot!”

My face was all screwed up at this point, and I felt like crying. It was a miracle Dolores could even understand what I was saying in the first place.

“And then, and then, my thoughts all jumbled together and I didn’t know what to do and so then I ran away!” I promptly burst into tears, dropping my head onto the wooden table.

“Dear god child. That was a rollercoaster from start to finish. There there, now, don’t cry. This is nothing that can’t be fixed.”

“It’s not?” I raised my head and looked at Dolores with hopeful watery eyes.

“Of course not. I’ve heard far more stories worse than yours. Now listen, you need to tell this boy the entire truth and nothing but the truth, do you understand me?”

I nodded my head frantically.

“Good. And you need to apologize from here, boy.” She tapped her chest, right above where her heart was. “That is all you can do, and then wait for forgiveness.”

I wiped my eyes, thankful no one else was seeing me in this state. “Okay. I will.”

“You look just like my grandson, you know. All those metal thingys in your face.” She leaned back and nodded with the air of someone who has just given up a great secret.

I smiled weakly, taking a sip of the now cold tea. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, child. Now go. The longer you wait, the longer he waits. And remember what I said!” She pulled me from my seat and nearly shoved me out of her door.

“Thank you.” I turned to her as I walked out, smiling.

“Bah.” She shut her door, but to this day I’m sure she smiled.