A week passed, and me and Zesper got more and more comfortable around each other. Zesper was getting more and more restless, however, and I knew the distance was affecting him greatly.

On the night in question, Zesper almost immediately curled into my side once we laid down, and I automatically wrapped an arm around him. I knew he was still awake, and I know he knew I was still awake too, yet we didn’t say a word.

It was easier for me to simply pretend he was only doing it in his sleep.It was so much simpler to pretend I didn’t have feelings for him, and it was so much simpler to pretend that every second I spent touching him didn’t drive me insane.

He still wasn’t asleep after two hours, and I only knew that because I wasn’t asleep either. He could pretend all he wanted, but he kept fidgeting and his breathing didn’t even remotely sound like he was asleep.

I want to help him, but I don’t know how.

The reason I wasn’t asleep was that I couldn’t seem to slow down my heartbeat long enough to calm down. All I could focus on was the way his breath was hitting my neck, and the way my hand rested on his side.

“I miss my sister and my family.”

I almost didn’t hear him, his voice was so low, and my heart seemed to skip a beat.

I was hyper-aware of my hand on his waist now, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

“What was she like?”

Do I move my hand away?

Well, he’s not moving.

This was true. His head was still under my chin, and his arm was still casually thrown over my torso.

I could stay like this forever.

I had a feeling that the slightest miscalculation on my part could push him away, and I was determined not to do that. My breathing seemed far too loud, and I wondered if it was echoing in his ears the way it was mine.

He sighed. “Can we go outside?”

I didn’t notice how my grip on him tightened. Everything in me was screaming that it was a bad idea, a terrible one, but I couldn’t bring myself to say no to him. Not when he sounded like that. Not when it seemed like he was starting to crack, ripping apart at the seams. 

“It’s very cold.”

“Okay.” Neither one of us attempted to move.

Even before I moved, regret seemed to run through me. “Come on, you can borrow one of my hoodies.”

As soon as I shifted to get up, he was away from me in a flash, and my side immediately felt cold.

He was quiet as I searched through my closet, and I helped him put on the hoodie without him asking.

Goddamn.

I was glad it was dark, because I’m positive that my face flushed red at seeing Zesper standing in my oversized hoodie. I turned away from him to hide how flustered I was and busied myself with finding the winter clothes I had shoved in the back of my closet.

“Here, let me put this on you, too. I don’t want you to get sick.” I pulled Zesper to me and slid a hat onto his head, ignoring how my heart speeded up when he was pressed up against me.

I gave Zesper gloves (and explained to him their purpose), and made him put his tail away. I made sure the hood covered his third eye, then I made him put a scarf around the lower part of his face.

He wasn’t happy with all the fabric, but I was unrelenting.

Not only could he get sick, but Chicago was still relatively alive at night, and I didn’t want anyone to see him.

When we were both finally ready, we went outside, and I could immediately see his posture relaxing.

He’s been stuck in my house for a while, this must be a relief.

Zesper walked beside me as I led him down towards the sidewalk. We walked that way for a while, saying nothing. As we walked, I noticed his breath didn’t seem to fog the air like mine did. I had my hands stuffed into my pockets, and I noticed Zesper was scratching his wrist.

He does that when he’s confused or nervous.

My eyes were constantly scanning around us, looking for the slightest clue someone could be a threat. There was almost no one out though, most likely because of how cold it was outside.

“Could I see your hand, please?”

I looked down at Zesper, who was staring up at me with his palm held out. I pulled my hand out of my pocket hesitantly.

“Sure?”

He grabbed my hand and I tried to ignore how quickly my heart sped up. I was watching him to see what he was going to do, but he simply let his hand fall down to his side, still holding mine.

My breath hitched in my throat, and I no longer was looking around us. No, all my attention was on the fingers that threaded themselves through mine, and I was relieved he couldn’t feel how sweaty my palms were.

He’s holding my hand.

HE’S HOLDING MY HAND.

I desperately wanted to ask him what he was doing, but I was afraid I would push him away. So instead, I simply gripped his hand, and pretended like this moment wouldn’t be preserved forever in my memory.

“Her name is ᄃﾚﾑ尺ﾑ.” He spoke suddenly, and I jumped slightly. “She is younger than I am, and our age difference is rather large, but we get along very well regardless. Her hair is long, and she always asked me to put it in a certain style for her.”

He smiled, and I stayed quiet, listening.

“She is very clumsy. I cannot remember how many times I would get angry because she broke something of mine. She likes to dance a lot, even though she is not very good. She is very kind, although she has what you would call a temper. Perhaps that is simply because she is getting older, however.”

I watched his face light up when he talked about his sister, and it seemed like his worries melted away.

“She would like you very much, I am sure. You would like her, too, I think.” These statements were said quieter, and something about the way he said them made me think there was a deeper meaning to them.

“I’m sure I would.” I squeezed his hand unconsciously, and he leaned his head against my shoulder.

It was a lot harder to walk now, and my mouth had gotten considerably drier, but I wouldn’t have changed anything about that moment for the world.